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I wonder if you can improve this article for me.
Practice for the test. Please mark my grade（0-10points），thanks.

Dear John,
I will be going to your city and majoring in the master's program in arts at Y University. I am writing this letter to tell you about my living habits. First, I need more time of my studies. I want my sleep to be <strike>get</strike> as good <strike>sleep</strike> as possible <strike>can</strike>; hence, I wish <strike>you I had</strike> to have an early rest. In addition, I like a clean room. The habit of cleaning to help us form the right life-style <strike>and</strike> is favorable to <strike>our</strike> a healthy body. Finally, I hope you can tell me about your city--such as fine food, <strike>and</strike> customs, and culture <strike>etc</strike>. I look forward to your reply and hope to <strike>keep</strike> stay in good communications with you.
Yours sincerely,
Li Ming
Notes:
1. Practice basic grammar rules in writing, especially about capitalization, spelling, and spacing.
2. Try not to make sentences too long and only concentrate on the subject and the action.
0 voted
September 4, 2017
1
Corrected
Children today find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention in schools.
More often than not, it can be observed that children easily lose their attention in schools. Objectively, this phenomenon can be ascribed to that children need increasingly attractive thing nowadays*1. Teaching in an interesting way and training children's ability to concentrate are the solutions to this problem.

Adults <strike>may</strike> lose control in the modern society, let alone children*2. First of all, some children are allowed to bring smart phones to schools. Obviously, these smart phones, though useful in various ways, disturb them during classes. Some<strike>one</strike> choose to download English applications for learning, while others are absorbed in internet games. A recent study, from the Department of Psychology at the Peking University, showed that 23% students had experiences of playing games during <strike>a whole</strike> class, 45% students said they browsed websites <strike>during class</strike>, and nearly 100% students confirmed that they checked messages <strike>in classes</strike>*3. In addition, sleeping very late makes them <strike>do</strike> not to have enough energy to keep awake in classes.

Since this problem has emerged, we can solve it in two aspects. One, teachers should abandon traditional teaching styles, where teachers only output knowledge on one side*4. The interaction between teachers and students can make classes more attractive. Two, concentration training is really effective*5. The Renmin Primary School from China has set a good example by introducing meditation classes--aiming to improve student's self-discipline. Amy, a 5th grade student, said that she would not play with her smart phone during class because she learned self-control and showed courage <strike>under</strike> as another <strike>form</strike> benefit from meditation classes.

In conclusion, <strike>owing to young need face so much lure currently, it is hard for them to concentrate in schools as people from the past</strike> it is much harder for students to concentrate compared to the past because of the temptations the younger generation faces. Therefore, not merely teachers should utilize an appealing way to teach, but also students need attention practices.
*1 The first two edits simply use shorter words to help the sentence flow more naturally.
*2 Again, while the original made sense grammatically, this shortened version strengthens your statement by a bit.
*3 I changed the semi-colon to a comma because you were in the middle of giving a list of conclusions of the study. You do not need to repeat "in/during class" every time as it is already understood.
*4 The comma was needed because the second part was an explanation on what "styles" is referring to. The word "only" is used to emphasize the problem with the method.
*5 The phrases "on one hand vs. on the other hand" are used to compare contrasting/opposite view points, which was not true in this case.
0 voted
September 4, 2017
0
Corrected
Recovered
The little black dog, that we lost a couple of months ago, is back--it's wonderful*1! Although it has already been half a year, he should remember still our home*2. At that time the wound on his leg was very serious. We took him in and helped cure his legs, but one day he suddenly swept away by the rest--*3probably because he was particularly lovely. We searched for a long time but did not find him, so we then adopted a white dog, Lachey*4. I was also sad for a long time<strike> for a long time</strike>; who would have thought he would return to us again after so long*5? The feeling is so wonderful! Dear Dark, we still love you very much! Thank you for not forgetting the happy times we had together! Thank you for coming back and finding our home! We love you forever!
*1 It is common in casual or verbal language to skip the commas or the use of "that," but this is still the grammatically correct way. Although 太開心 is a normal phrase in Chinese, the direct translation is never used, even though it's meaning is clear.
*2 There are a few different ways to phrase the first part of that sentence. The problem with the original is that it does not satisfy as any parts of a sentence. Another way we could've phrased it is, "Half a year has already passed; ..." The reason I went with this way is because by adding the word "still" into the second part, it flows better as one complete thought, which is also where you should end the sentence.
*3 I'm not sure what "swept away by the rest" means in this scenario.
*4 In order to connect the two parts of the sentence, you need a connector and a subject for the second part (so we).
*5 Make sure you always have an action (was) for the subject of the sentence (I). I changed the comma to a semi-colon because the two parts were independent statements that are related but not connected.
0 voted
September 4, 2017
1
Corrected
My job
Recently, my job <strike>makes</strike> has made me very unhappy <strike>very much</strike>.
I work in a training school<strike>, I am</strike> as a primary English teacher. In the last 2 weeks, my boss arranged for us to recruit students by phone and We-Chat. We have finished this task, but she still was not satisfied. Then she arranged more tasks for us. In the last two days, I've been standing at the gate of the primary school, which is close to us, to hand<strike>ing</strike> out leaflets. What is more exaggerating is that our boss made a different backpack <strike>to</strike> for us. A flag was placed above the backpack, and she <strike>made</strike> put an ad about our training school <strike>in</strike> on the flag. I feel ok*1, as it is a different expeirence to me. Everybody is paying attention to us.
I don't know how to <strike>say</strike> express my feelings <strike>in</strike> at this moment. You gave me task, and I tried my best to finish it. It's a deal. But she was not satisfied. A colleague of mine<strike>, she</strike> is a green tea bitch in legendary*2. She is always scheming and interfering <strike>in</strike> with our work. I tried to avoid contact <strike>to</strike> with her, but my boss likes her very much because she <strike>would</strike> pretends to be very hard at work.
The boss likes to paint us a good blueprint, but she cannot give us what we deserve. <strike>So</strike> I am thinking of leaving this training school and doing it by myself.
*1 不確定"ok"是什麼意思
*2 完全不知道"green tea bitch in legenary"是什麼...
0 voted
September 2, 2017
0
Corrected
My favorite film
My favorite film is Kill Bill. It's my favorite film because I really love thrillers. The film is about a woman who wants to kill the Mafia that abducted her daughter*1. I am interested in this film because I like <strike>with</strike> the exciting plot and it's many fights, but <strike>Kevin</strike> Quentin Tarantino got carried away with blood in some fights <strike>part,</strike> like the <strike>in</strike> Japanese abbey*2. It was too much! <strike>And in the and </strike>I'd also like to write about what I liked and <strike>don't</strike> didn't like. First is a plot. In my opinion the plot is the most important part*3 and needs much time to write <strike>them</strike>. Second is actors. The best <strike>actors</strike> performers <strike>was</strike> were Uma Turman and David Kedderan*4; I really liked them. <strike>And it was one think that</strike> I thought <strike>Kevin</strike> Quentin Tarantino got carried away with too much violence <strike>it was too much</strike> and blood <strike>and</strike> in some scenes <strike>of it</strike>.
*1 You needed to add the "is" because the subject of the sentence (film) lacked a verb to make it a complete sentence.
*2 I'm not sure what word you're trying to use here (abbey).
*3 "Important" can only be used as an adjective, which is why I added to word "part" to it.
*4 I suggested you change the word actors to performers because you mentioned a female actress and a male actor, and it is simpler to use a word that is gender-neutral (no difference between male and female) in this case. The semicolon (;) is needed after because you had a related but separate sentence after.
0 voted
September 2, 2017
0
Corrected
0 voted
September 2, 2017
0
Answered
There are so many sites, it's too long to list Facebook is not the only social networking site to be banned, although they have their kaixin001 over there. Myspace, twitter, tumblr, and foursquare are all blocked. Video sites like youtube, metacafe, or dailymotion are blocked. Obviously any falungong websites are going to be blocked. Also note that even on search engines, a lot of stuff is censored. Searching certain subjects on search engines like Tienman Square or Dahli Lama, whether it's web search or image search, will yield very different results in China (on Wikipedia, they'll just be blocked). All this can be bypassed through the use of proxy servers in foreign countries, but the practice is not legal.
0 voted
September 20, 2010
0
Corrected
0 voted
September 18, 2010
0
Corrected
A new term begins.
I worked my first part-time job<strike> in my life </strike>in the last two days.
I thought it would be simple and easy, but it turned out to be a total disaster.
Life is much harder than <strike>the way</strike> we think <strike>it could be</strike>.
And I'm really not cut out to be a salesman.
I must do something to enhance my eloquence*.
Another thing is to take more courses than last semester.
I need to pay more attention to my classes. I'm feeling very pressured.
I hope that everything is going to be fine.

*是不是想說口才? 可以說, "I must do something to make myself more articulate."
Eloquence 平常帶有一點強力壓迫的意思

0 voted
September 15, 2010
0
Corrected
可以說:

My English is very poor. I'm able to make some short sentences, but I find it very hard to put together an entire article that is well-organized. I've taken an English exam in the past where I only scored 20% of the possible 150 points. So writing is my weak spot. My only option is to slowly practice and try, but I'm afraid I will embarass myself.

Recently I began taking an oral English class. Since I was young, learning English has always been listening to the teacher and doing work excercies--not many chances to actually speak. However, when this foreigner teacher speaks, everything is only in English. I have to focus so hard at my ears to listen, and it's so hard! I've also come to sadly realize that my vocabulary is also very limited. There are so many words I don't understand, and I also take a long time to recall the meanings of some other words. I realize that since I don't English in every-day life, it's very difficult to fluently express what I'm thinking all of a sudden. I was smarter in the second class. I looked up all the words I needed using the internet on my phone, and the situation was much better. Hopefully, I can do even better in the next class.

I hope you can point out where some of my faults in English are through this. I'm not sure how to improve and feel a bit stuck. Thank you very much!

0 voted
September 15, 2010
0