Corrections · 1
Children today find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention in schools.
More often than not, it can be observed that children easily lose their attention in schools. Objectively, this phenomenon can be ascribed to that children need increasingly attractive thing nowadays*1. Teaching in an interesting way and training children's ability to concentrate are the solutions to this problem.Adults
Since this problem has emerged, we can solve it in two aspects. One, teachers should abandon traditional teaching styles, where teachers only output knowledge on one side*4. The interaction between teachers and students can make classes more attractive. Two, concentration training is really effective*5. The Renmin Primary School from China has set a good example by introducing meditation classes--aiming to improve student's self-discipline. Amy, a 5th grade student, said that she would not play with her smart phone during class because she learned self-control and showed courage
In conclusion,
*1 The first two edits simply use shorter words to help the sentence flow more naturally.
*2 Again, while the original made sense grammatically, this shortened version strengthens your statement by a bit.
*3 I changed the semi-colon to a comma because you were in the middle of giving a list of conclusions of the study. You do not need to repeat "in/during class" every time as it is already understood.
*4 The comma was needed because the second part was an explanation on what "styles" is referring to. The word "only" is used to emphasize the problem with the method.
*5 The phrases "on one hand vs. on the other hand" are used to compare contrasting/opposite view points, which was not true in this case.
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