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  • Corrected

    A paragraph from a short story I'm working on

    I was about five minutes away from home when my eyes caught something in the gutter. It was merely a green dot when I spotted it from the a distance, but as I walked toward it, it infallibly got unfailingly bigger and more discernible to my eyes. Then, I sensed a slightest hint of ominousness from I began to feel a slight hint of foreboding as the dot that now had gotten as big as a golf ball, and it made me hesitant to step any closer. It was as if I was in darkness drifting toward the way out that looked like a ball-shaped cloud of white fog hovering in midair, knowing that something uncertain was over there. The fog cloaked It was something that, I could guess, I would do anything to sidestep and pretend it never existed.


    This is a really fun passage - very mysterious! Because this is creative writing, I took some creative liberties to edit for clarity and graceful transitions in addition to English grammar. I hope I interpreted your writing correctly! I look forward to reading more from you :)


    0 voted
    September 7, 2018
    0
  • Answered
    It's wrong to say "This bike is the same as you bought me," but you can say "This bike is the same as the one you bought me."
    0 voted
    July 5, 2018
    0
  • Corrected

    Hi Amalya - I'm just doing a test to see why I couldn't submit my response!

    Ramadhan and then Eid Mubarak. This two moments are really precious for mosleem in Indonesia. We are so happy to celebrate it because we can visit and meet many relatives. That's why homecoming is the biggest tradition for Indonesian people. 


    I have been living far away from my parents since 2010. It means I'm a part of homecoming tradițion for almost ten years. I ussually bought flight ticket 6 month before Eid Mubarak because I can get lower price in this time. So, I have already set the date for my flight.

    Many people Will use this moment to go back to their hometown because we ussually have a long holiday for celebrating Eid Mubarak. Traffics are everywhere along this moment. Police Officer are so busy to handle the traffic. Health Departement, Police Officer, Army and Transportătion departement works together to wacth the running of homecoming tradițion. People Will bring some souvernirs like food, clothes, hijab, and others.

    Indonesian people who works in another country, they also come back to Indonesia for this moment. Homecoming is just like every year's tradition for Indonesian.

    How about you guys? Have you ever taking apart for this tradition?

    Thank you.
    0 voted
    June 25, 2018
    1
  • Corrected
    0 voted
    June 22, 2018
    0
  • Answered
    It means you can't give the clerk more than the item costs because they won't give you any money back. If it costs $2.25, you must pay $2.25 and not $3.00.
    0 voted
    June 22, 2018
    0
  • Corrected

    June 22

    I went to Kamakura, which is located in Kanagawa prefecture, to see hydrangeas with my coworkers last Saturday.

    Many hydrangeas have already been blooming* since it is a the rainy season here in Japan now. We stopped by some temples in Kamakura, and saw not only the hydrangeas but also some graves of famous historical people.

    After that, some coworkers left for home, and the rest of us went to the house of our event organizer, who is American and can speak both English and Japanese. His wife kindly cooked some delicious dishes for us.

    *This phrase is correct if you are speaking generally. If you want to stay in the story and explain what you saw at that time in the past, say "were already blooming." 

    Nice sentence variation! Thanks for sharing about this pleasant outing. 


    0 voted
    June 21, 2018
    1
  • Corrected

    The Day Was Too Difficult

    I am at my house. The day was too difficult, that had to didn`t go*, and crawl to my house . I am glad that tomorrow will be Friday. I am even more glad that tomorrow I don`t no need to appear at work**. The closer I got to my house, the more different thoughts came into my head. By chance, I remembered a Korean children's song about milk. To brighten up the trip to my house***, I sang it to myself. I was always curious to understand why I memorize Korean words easier than English words.


    *I'm not sure what you mean, but maybe this would be better: "The day was so difficult that I had to go home" 

    **You can also say: "to go to work"

    *** You can also say: "trip home" 

    Thanks for sharing! I hope your day tomorrow is better :)

     


    0 voted
    June 21, 2018
    3
  • Corrected

    Greeting to Friends

    Yesterday, I remembered a few friends that I met a few years ago.

    They aren't in my country,  and  so* I wrote an e-mail to everyone and sent a message by cellphone**.

    I learned that it is very important to save the  maintain friendship with people who shared pretty good times with us.

    It's necessary to make time spaces for to greet talk to*** friends. We can to send a small message, do a call for them, write one an e-mail and another other simply simple things if they aren't near.

    *Use "so" instead of "and" to show cause and effect

    ** More common: "sent a text message."

    **You can also say "reach out to" or "keep up with." "Greet" describes what you say at the beginning of a conversation or when you meet someone for the first time (Some examples are "Hello!" and "Good morning!")

    Thanks for sharing, Charly! 

    0 voted
    June 20, 2018
    1
  • Corrected

    Check me, please

    I want to talk to you about the series West World. It is based on a sci-fi film from 1973 years.
    The series talks to us about a man-made world where androids have been living instead of people. Androids are immortal and they live lives which were encoded by developers people.
    People have come to WW because they can do whatever they want. People can follow the script or not. They might make violence, kill or torture the androids and not receive any punishment. That world- a great opportunity to see through yourself and understand who you are in fact.

    Thanks for sharing, Svetlana! Because you started telling the story in the present tense, I made the tense match throughout. I also took out a few unnecessary commas. Cheers!

    0 voted
    June 20, 2018
    1
  • Corrected

    JUST A DIARY ENTRY ON Jun 14th

    I would like someone to correct my diary entry( or to tell me the natural way of saying some things below. But I would be glad even if you JUST CORRECT my entry) I was wondering if you could do that for me, please?

    JUST A DIARY ENTRY ON Jun 14th

    I am writing this at 1:30 AM in Japanese time. I didn't come up with an idea to tell you guys here that's on my mind, as I am feeling so sleepy right now, so I am just thinking about something. Speaking of writing something at midnight, it seems you might write something like poems when you write some sentences at midnight. I don't know well why people do like this, but I feel we want to write something like poems. I guess one of the reason is that the time, at midnight, is so quiet compared with in morning or afternoon. We come up with lots of ideas with my mind at midnight, right? Say, when you want to communicate the message which expresses that you're thankful for your friends, you generally write this at midnight, not in the afternoon or morning, right? So, what I just want say now is midnight has something like magic powers for coming up with ideas. Possibly, also on italki, it might be a better way to write it in the midnight rather than in the afternoon. Yes, I'll do this.

    Thanks for sharing, Taichi! Keep writing!

    0 voted
    June 14, 2018
    1