Hi this is my practice for my exam, please help me with it. Thank you!

Four friends get together to have dinner. Each hold cell phones and do not socialize with each other, instead choosing to ignore the delicious dishes and beverages in front of them. What an unfortunate everyday occurrence!

What the portrayal intends to convey is that, friends or relatives get alienated from each other in the era of mobile phones. Indeed, smart phones smartphones, which weaves a huge net of around the world, bring great convenience to people. If it were not for mobile phones, humans would live in an outdated world that in which they can only contact each other (or "...only communicate via...") via letters which takes several months to arrive at (or, perhaps more commonly, "...arrive in the") the hands of their families or friends. Nevertheless, it is precisely mobile phones that prevents the emotional interaction between people in that friends only play with their phones when gathering (or "...when they gather together"). This gets to the essence of the key issue. At present, folks tends to indulge in the virtual world of smart phones smartphones so that they often ignore the real interaction with others in real life.

Consequently, what is extremely urgent for people nowadays is that, they should attempt to share their interests or lives with others in the form of face-to-face communication, rather than squandering precious and limited time in with such a lifeless machine. Due importance should be attached to the contact in the real world. Only in this way can people prompt emotional interaction between friends or relatives.

Great writing! Strikeout text are deletions. Highlights are additions. Italics are alternatives. Keep up the good work!

Simple, compound, and complex sentences

Simple sentences:
- I wrote my essay.
- Ahmed went to the gym.
- The family went on a picnic.
- She likes eating ice cream.
- He is going to meet his friends on Monday.
Compound sentences:
- He parked his car in a handicapped parking space, so he got a fine of one hundred dollars.
- She is wearing a jacket, for it is cold outside.
- She rushed to open the door, but no one was there.
- The assignment is due tomorrow, yet she did not finish it.
- He did not study for his test, nor did he do he did his homework.
Complex sentences:
- The phone rang while she was taking a shower.
- I missed the train because there was an accident blocking the road.
- When we arrived to the theater, the movie has had already started.
- If you exercise regularly, you will maintain a healthy lifestyle.
- You can not drive a car unless you have a driving license.

Great job! Keep up the good work.

A letter to Australia Embassy~~ kindly help if any mistake

Dear Sir/Ma’am,

I’m writing to you to explain for the insufficient application material: – soft copy of IELTS official result. (Or, "...material, namely the soft copy of the IELTS official result." Or "...material, which is the soft copy of the IELTS official result." Or '...material, "soft copy of IELTS official result"')

Currently I could can provide the online result only, because Oct 21st, which is the appointment date for my visa application, is the exact date that IELTS publishesing the test score online, which is same with my appointing date of visa application. The certificate is supposed to arrive in the following week., iIf the IELTS online result is not acceptable, I could provide the soft copy of the certificate, once I get the paper.

I Hhope you could can understand. (Or "I appreciate your understanding.")

Below I also attached my Cambridge Business English certificate to prove my English capability.

Thank you!

Sincerely yours,

Zheng Min

Highlights are additions. Strikethrough text are deletions. Italics are alternatives. Of course, there are many ways to write/edit the above.

Great job. Keep up the good work! I hope your visa application is successful.

Taking a walk

It has been 20 days today since I have started taking a walk in early in the morning.
I thought at first that I first could not keep it, but recently, if I did not do it, I would feel bad. (Or "I thought at first that I would not be able to walk each morning, but recently I started to feel bad if I did not walk.")
It might become the custom for me.

Highlights are additions. Strikethrough text are deletions. Italics are alternatives. Of course, there are many ways to write/edit the above.

Great job. Keep up the good work!

Let me tell about myself.

My name is Alexandr. I'm 19. I was born in 8 august in 1997 August 8, 1997*. Now I'm liveing (or "Now I live") in Vladivostok. I'm a 4th year cadet at the Maritime State University named Admiral Nevelskogo. I learn from the Engineering Department. (Or "I study in the Engineering Department.")
I am interestinged in mathematics, and reading books. I like to play football, and volleyball, and I like to do exercises in the gym.

Highlights are additions. Strikethrough text are deletions. Italics are alternatives. Of course, there are many ways to write/edit the above.

* There are many ways to write dates. Two correct ways that are similar to how you wrote it would be "I was born on August 8 in 1997" and "I was born on the 8th of August in 1997."

Great job. Keep up the good work!

Should I say "Yes" to that boy to start my first love?

What a long period of time! Having never been in a relationship for a long time, but I really don't know if I should say 'yes' to that boy to start my first love (or ..."to start my first serious romantic relationship"). I feel that I haven't prepared well. It will not be possible for me to do whatever I wanna (or "...I want to") do if I agree. I like freedom, and I don't want to lose my spare time.

Highlights are additions. Strikeout text are deletions. Italics are alternatives. Of course, there are many ways to write/edit the above.

Great job. Keep up the good work!

Self-measurement

To control myself, I need to monitor myself for being aware of myself deeply (or "...monitor my self-awareness."). Sometimes I imagine that my daily life might be logged so that I could curb all my unnecessary habits wasting times (or "...habits that waste time."). My wife may help me at this point. She reminds me to take vitamins or even of my plans wthat I decided (or "...I made") some days ago. To my surprise, at times, she evoked (or "...she recalled") my muttering (or "...evoked what I muttered") to myself.

Highlights are additions. Strikethrough text are deletions. Italics are alternatives. 

Great job! Keep up the good work.