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The salaryman cannot stop.
There <s>have</s> has been a well-known song in Japan since approximately 30 years ago. "A salaryman is a very easy job," <s>A</s> The lyrics of the song start <s>as such</s> like this (In Japanese,"サラリーマンは気楽な稼業ときたもんだ") I wonder that if you <s>may</s> might know what the Japanese word "salaryman" (サラリーマン) means in English. It means "employee, especialy a white <s>colour</s> collared worker."
Sometimes, there are people who think of a job like the song. They are satisfied <s>for</s> withtheir work and have no interest in promoting others. Although It's very <s>happy</s> beneficialfor them, I suppose, their existence threatens <s>inferiores</s> inferiors. If they keep <s>themselves</s>their position, <s>inferiores</s> inferiors will not be promoted. In order to avoid <s>the</s> thiscircumstance, the employer must lay off <s>the position-keeper</s> the ones who have their positions. It's unfortunate for all of them.
Finally, a salaryman isn't a very easy job. We make a lot of effort<s>s</s> to keep working. In my opinion, It's happiness extends <s>more</s> further than that.
Hello Masa. I would be delighted to assist you once again.
1) The title "Salaryman cannot stop," is missing an article. In certain contexts, the rendering "A salaryman cannot be stopped" is possible. In this case, perhaps "The salray man cannot stop" will suffice.
2) The phrase "have been" is flawed, because it is modifying a singular subject, namely, "a well known song," and so the plural "have" must be changed into the singular "has."
3) "Japan" is a proper noun, thus it should begin with a capital "J."
4) "Very easy job," should be "a very easy job." Whenever an adejective is going to be used to describe a noun, the case is generally that the article "a" is prefixed to the adjective. Example a) "a very easy job," b) "an easy job," c) "a fast car," d) "afoolish supposition," e) "a wise conjecture," f) "a beautiful girl."
5) The phrase "a lyrics," should be "the lyrics," because the lyrics of reference are specific.
6) The phrase "as such" is very understandable, but it is not the common choice of words in this context. I recommend "like this" instead.
7) "That" is not necessary in the phrase, "I wonder that if."
8) The word "may" here can probably stand as it is, but personally I would have said"might."
9) The phrase, "if you may know, the word 'salaryman' is Japanese-English" is flawed in view of the proceeding choice of words. I recommend, "I wonder if you might know what the word サラリーマン (salaryman) means in English."
10) The phrase, "employee, especialy white colour worker" is probably wrong. "a"must be prefixed to "white." "White colour worker," comes closest to meaning a working person whose complexion or skin colour is light. I assume you meant,"especially a white collared worker." This means a working person who wears white collars.
11) Although the phrase, "I suppose, a existance of them threat inferiores" is flawed, the thought still was apparently rather eloquent. Modifying it and maintaining the same words makes it sound relatively eloquent. The correction is "I suppose that their existence threatens inferiors." The word "inferior" is not wrong at all, but it can have a negative connotation under certain circumstances. The way in which you used the word did not have a negative connotation, therefore it may stand as it is. I have noticed that there is a widespread belief that the word "inferior" is always disparaging.
This is false by definition of what the word means. I cannot find anything wrong with this choice of word. The offense merely lies in the mind of the person who hears it, because in and of itself, it simply means "a lower degree or rank," and there is nothing offensive about this definition, hence the acceptability of this choice of word from my perspective. Alternatively, you could have said, "I suppose their existence threatens those of a lower status," but the former word "inferior" already covered this well.
12) The word "finally," is justified, because it appears evident that you are closing out this note, therefore, it may stand as it is.
13) In place of "In my opinion, It's happy more than that," I recommend, "In my opinion, It's happiness extends further than that."
In my opinion Masa, there is noticeable improvement. It is good that you are making progress. I am glad to help further your progress whenever you so desire.
0 votedJune 30, 20112- 客のねがい 1) 私の家から いきました。 空腹だったので、 何か たべる物を かいに 店に いきました。 2) 私が こしかけたり まったが いきなり しらない客と メイド 互いに 口げんか していました。 3) 「何これ」と 私が いいました。 そんな 突然な ことが 私を びっくりしました。 4) この 店は、 よしんば ちょっと みすぼらしい、 客がねがい ものが えられる ことが おもいました。 5) どんなに きらびやか、 もとめる ものが えなければ、 その店が 無駄に なりますね。 6) しかたがないよ。 これは 現実です。 この 世界で たびたび 願いは えないですけど どうするのか? しょうがない、 これは 現実 だから であります。June 27, 2011111
- 少女の涙 1) 今日は、 いろいろな もの へいわでした。 なった ばかり 風は ここち 良かったです。 2) 日のひかりが 在るのですけど、 まだ 完璧な 温度が ありました。 3) のはらで わたしが あるいていた、 風が ふいていた、髪が 風で うごいていた、 そして、 すべては よかったです。 4) その後、 青春のこどもを ないているのをみかけました。 5) あの 少女は とても かなしかったので、 彼女に いきました。 6) わたしが いった、「お嬢ちゃん、 問題は なんですか。 如何して ないているのか」って。 7) 其れから、 その かわいい 女の子が いった、 「おにいちゃん、 あたしのちちうえとははうえ なくなっちゃった。 みつけられる ことが できない なのだ」って。 8) わたしが いった、 「しんぱいしないでください、 お嬢ちゃん。 俺が 行く」って。 9) かのじょが いった、「何処に 行くのか、 おにいちゃんは」って。 10) そしたら わたしが いった、 「もちろん 両親を みつけ」って。 11) わたしも いった、 「えっと、あの、両親のこと について、 なくなった しまった 時は、 時点で そこに、 どこに いるかものか にかんして、 何処の考えを もたなかったのか」 って。 12) 其の かわいい 少女 いった、 「べつに。 かんがえが あらなかったなのだ」って。 13) わたしが いった、 「ざんねん、 それにしても 行くぞ。 きみの父さんと母さんを 一緒に さがしましょう」って。 14) 彼女が いった、「ほんとうに おにいちゃん? ほんとうに 私たちと 一緒に さがすのか」って。 15) 然して わたしが いった、 「ほんとうです。 きみを てつだいたいし きみのえがおを みたい だから、いさんでくださいね おじょうちゃん」 って。 16) 其れから、 私達と 一緒に 彼女のははうえとちちうえを さがしていた。 17) 結局、 彼女の両親を みつけました。 其の かわいい 少女は とても うれしかったです。 18) 彼女が いった、 「ありがとうございます とても やさしい おにいちゃん。 いい ひとなのだ」って。 19) わたしが いった、 「いいえ、そんな ことないですけど、 ほら わたしたちが 君の両親を みつけたので、 君のえがおを みせてくださいね」って。 20) そして、 えがおを みせました。 21) 其の 風が まだ ふいていた。 すべては 良かったです。 けいししていう のか 其の かわいい おんなのこは? いやだよ。 むりよ。 そんな わるい ものを、 何の人が するのか? 22) その おんなのこは、 彼女の幸せ ことが ねがってます。June 26, 2011171
Being Interested in Chinese
At present, I am interesting interested in Chinese.
After joining italki, I saw notes which had been written by Chinese people learning Japanese.
I corrected several notes, and but I wondered that If I were learning Chinese, then I could correct those better.
My English skill is very poor, and I am still learning English, therefore I don't cannot find time to learn Chinese.
When it I becomes good at English, I want to study Chinese.Hello Masa. I would love to assist again. I think that you are improving Masa, because this note evidently has a lower amount of errors than the previous notes. This is commendable.
1) The title "Being Interest in Chinese" is grammatically incorrect. The "being" is not necessary here. It may simply be rendered as "Interested in Chinese." A good title could also be "My interest in Chinese." I prefer this title.
2) There is nothing really wrong with "at present," however, I recommend using"currently," "presently," or "at the moment," which are more frequently used.
3) I am sorry Masa, but your statement, "I am interesting Chinese," comes closest to meaning that you are an interesting Chinese person, but of course that is false in terms of the fact that you are Japanese and not Chinese. I am sure you meant, "I am interested in Chinese." This means that you are fascinated by the Chinese language.
4) The phrase "joining Italki" is lacking a preposition. I recommend "After joining Italki."
5) Your expression "Chinese people" is correct, but "chinese" should be written as"Chinese."
6) "Leaning" and "learning" are different words. It appears that you meant"learning." "To lean" means to place your body in a slanted position upon or against an object. Contextually, this word does not fit.
7) Your phrase "and I am leaning English," is contextually satisfied by the insertion of"still," to read, "and I am still learning English."
8) In English, it is generally recommended not to begin a new sentence with "therefore." When "therefore" is used, a simple comma before it will suffice, and then the statement is continued. So it should be, "My English skill is very poor, and I am still learning English, therefore I cannot find time to learn Chinese."
9) The phrase "When it" is incorrect contextually, and should be "When I." The word"becomes" should be "become," since we changed "it" to "I."
I must commend this attempt Masa. The errors in this note are noticeably lower than the errors in the previous notes.
0 votedJune 25, 20112I went Jogging in Yesterday
It was very hot in yesterday. I heard that the highest temperature was 29 degrees Centigrade.
After working out, I went jogged jogging, but the high temperature prevented hinderedme.
Usually, I had jogged about 14km each time, Besides however, when I had joggedat merely 10km, I feel felt exhausted, and then therefore, I had to stop jogging.
Hot summer will comes soon. I will must take care of my health.1) Hello Masa. I would be delighted to assist again. The title "Went Jogging in Yesterday," although it is easy to understand, it is unnatural. Virtually every native English speaker would have said "I Went Jogging Yesterday." The time frames"yesterday," "today," and "tomorrow" often do not require a prefixed preposition if time frame alone is merely being designated, however, in some cases, a preposition may precede these words. Eg. "Let us save the rest of that food until tomorrow." In this case, if the preposition is not here, the meaning of the statement is dramatically altered, however, more often than not, a prefixed preposition is not required. The phrase"Jogging on yesterday" is even also unnatural, however, a statement like "My homework is due on Wednesday" is perfectly natural. The days of the week, i.e.,"Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday," will often use the preposition "on" prefixed to a day of the week, however, the time frames"yesterday, today, and tomorrow" very hardly require a prefixed preposition.
2) The same thing applies here. "It was hot in yesterday" should be "it was hot yesterday."
3) Using the word "prevented" is actually contradictory to the former assertion that you had jogged. The word "prevented" really means to cause the occurrence of a specific thing or event to fail. In other words, to "prevent" something means to stop it from happening at all. If you were "prevented" from jogging, this means that you never jogged at all, but formerly, you expressly stated that you did indeed jog, therefore upon this basis, it must be concluded that the usage of the word "prevented" is totally inaccurate.
The word "hindered" is much better, because it allows for your former assertion to be rendered true, upon the basis that its signification simply means "to delay progress,""to interfere with," or "to obstruct," hence the clear contextual applicability of the word "hindered" in opposition to the word "prevented." All of this simply means that"hindered" is contextually preferable to "prevented." "Prevented" would have been correct, if that which was declared to be prevented was not the jogging itself, but rather, the goal of jogging 14km. In other words, for "prevented" to have been correct, the statement could have been rendered as, "I went jogging, however, the high temperature prevented me from jogging my usual 14 km." This statement is perfectly true.
4) I did not change "high temperature" in your statement "But high temperatureprevented me" because there was nothing really wrong with the phrase "high temperature." As a matter of fact, just the other day I remember saying to myself, "This high temperature makes me feel like I'm in a sauna." I said this because I was feeling hot at the time. If conditions are hot or cold, the word "temperature" is perfectly applicable, so there is hardly a reason to change it. On the other hand, Jeff's suggestion"great heat" is also accurate. In this case, it is personal preference. "Great heat"means the exact same thing as "high temperature" in this particular context, since as heat increases, so does temperature.
5) The present tense "jog" is better than "jogged" in this context.
6) The word "besides" does not fit the context, hence my exclusion of it.
7) The phrase "about 14 Km." is not wrong, however, I recommend "approximately" in place of "about" in this particular context.
8) "At" in the phrase "at 10 Km" is better replaced by "merely," since in this context it implies perceived irregularity in terms of the duration of time spent jogging, which in view of your context, this irregular inability to do the usual 14 Km jog, is explicitly stated to have been caused by high temperature.
9) The tense conjugation "feel" is inaccurate. It should be "felt." Jeff's suggestion, "I was exhausted" is also correct. Again, it is a matter of personal preference. "I felt exhausted" or "I was exhausted" has the same basic meaning in this context.
10) To be honest, "and then" would have been fine, if it went on to read, "I became exhausted, and then I stopped jogging," however, since your statement has the words, "I had to stop," you are expressing the reason as to why you stopped, and so this is why "and then" is inferior in the current statement as it stands. "Therefore" is contextually better in place of "and then."
11) The conjugation "will comes" is incorrect, however "will come" is acceptable. Jeff's "will be here" is also correct. It is also possible to say, "Hot summer will arrive soon."
12) "I will take care of my health" is grammatically accurate, but it appears contextually inferior to the phrase, "I must take care of my health." If you were simply stating an intention without any reference to any necessisity of maintaing good health, then your statement "I will take care of my health" is better written as "I intend to take care of my health."
0 votedJune 23, 20112It took about an hour to write this note.
Since joining to italki, I knew the short of my English skills deeply became more aware of the inadequacy of my English. Currently, I take about an hour to write a note. If I continued my effort, I would will surely be able to shortened this time.
Sometimes, my wife will become angry with me, then she will say, "Why don't you take some time to speak to me?!" (Of course, I have took taken the time to do so, but I have shortened a time surely the time which I spent talking with her, apparently was not sufficient for her.)
...I'm sorry, it was because I would like to improve my skills. I will make it up to you, so I am begging you to forgive me.Hello Masa, I would be most delighted to assist you.
1) The first thing would be the title. Jeff suggested, "It took me." The "me" Jeff suggested is correct, but ommitting it in this context is not necessarily wrong either.
2) "A note" should be "this note," because in view of the context, you appear to be referring to this particular note, hence the reason why "this" ought to have been prefixed to the word "note," to cause it to read "this note." Render it as "the note" is contextually, far less accurate. If it happens to be the case that your reference is towards all your previous notes, inclusive of this one, then the entire title must be changed to "It takes me about an hour to write a note," however, if the title is referring particularly to this note, then the former ammendment may stand.
3) The phrase, "Since joining to italki" is slightly unnatural. The "to" is not necessary here. I am very sorry Masa, but the phrase "I knew the short of my English skills deeply" is unnatural to a great degree. Jeff's suggestion, "I became very aware of my poor level of English," is grammatically correct. I also suggest the equally acceptable, "I became more aware of the inadequacy of my English."
4) The statement, "Currently, I take about an hour to write a note" requires no correction at all. It is accurately written.
5) The past tense "continued," in the phrase, "If I continued my effort," implies that you have given up learning English. If that is not true, then I suggest "continue" instead of "continued." It would then follow that if we change "continued" into "continue," then "would" is better rendered as "will."
6) Jeff's suggestion, "this time will surely be shortened," is again correct. I suggest the equally acceptable rendering, "I will surely be able to shorten this time."
7) I recommend changing "Sometimes, my wife angry me," which is a difficult statement to understand, into "Sometimes, my wife will become angry with me." I am sorry Masa, but the phrase "my wife angry me" is syntactically lacking. Someone previously suggested the word "upsets." This is only right, if you are describing your wife to be the cause/reason of your anger, however, if you meant to say that you are the cause of her anger, because of her perception of the lack of time that you spend talking with her, which your context also heavily implies; if this is the case, then Jeff's suggestion is more correct than the suggestion which preceded his suggestion, however, Jeff's suggestion is still incomplete, because "will be angry me," would only be correct as "will be angry with/at me."
8) In English when quoting someone's words, it is customary to expressly state so, by using the term "he said," "she said," "he will say," or "she will say" based on the context. In this context, "she will say" is acceptable. Alternatively, the phrase "then she always says," would also have been acceptable. Although, "then she always says," is right, this forces the former "Sometimes, my wife will become angry with me," to read "Sometimes, my wife becomes angry with me." This is due to the fact that the tenses in the statement, in this case ought to agree one with another.
9) Jeff's suggestion, "Why don't you find time to speak me!" is almost correct, but it should be "Why don't you find time to speak to me!" It is also possible to say, "Why don't you take some time to speak to me?!
10) If you want to use a conjugation of the word "take" in your phrase, "Of course, I have took a time to do," it can be done as long as it is the correct conjugation. In this case "took" is the incorrect conjugation, but the rendering "Of course, I have taken the time to do so," would have been correct. Using Jeff's "Of course, I have made the time to do so," is also acceptable. Omitting "to do so," although it is still understandable, it is in my opinion, slightly unnatural.
11) I am again very sorry Masa, but phrase "but I have shortened a time surely" is syntactically incomprehensible, i.e., it is almost completely impossible to understand. At this stage, a person can only offer up pure speculation as to the intended signification. In this case, I agree with Jeff's suggestion "but it wasn't long enough for her," or the alternative phrase, "the time which I spent talking with her, apparently was not sufficient for her."
12) Jeff's suggestion "I am sorry honey" is acceptable if talking to your wife. I recommend using it only in reference to your wife, or a young daughter of yours. This term "honey" used in reference to any other person, sounds extremely bad, but in Jeff's suggestion it is perfect.
13) The phrase "I am begging to forgive me" may either be rendered as "I am begging you to forgive me" or "I beg of you to forgive me." Either one is acceptable, but Jeff's suggestion, which I similarily prefer, is the more common expression. It is simply a matter of personal preference in this case.
0 votedJune 21, 20112
