holiday will come to an end I have been free for around 5 months since I quitted my job in March 30. I applied for learning to drive. I will take test 2 tomorrow. If I pass it, I will get my driving license soon. After that, I will start to find a new job. I hope I will pass it so that I can leave home for new career. However, I still have vague direction. I have many choices but I am not sure which one is the most suitable for me. Though I don't want to work with computer again, it seems to be difficult for me to get one job which doesn't require computer. The sun is shining. It is so hot. My skin turns darker and darker when I learn to drive. Days won't stop running forward. Who will I be? My parents are getting old. What do I need to do and make them feel happy everyday. I really want to fly higher and higher. But I may fall down badly even if I haven't begin to fly. Anyway, it is a matter of trying.

黑暗啊 黑暗啊， 你是内心深处的一片不明物， 纠缠着我， 无法挣脱。 黑暗啊， 你是房间里的寂寞， 虽然无形， 却深深感触。 黑暗啊， 你让我总是纠结于某事， 钻进牛角尖， 跳不出来。 黑暗啊， 你侵蚀着我那颗血红的心， 它快变黑了， 我该奔向光明。 黑暗啊， 饶了我好吗， 为何总是让我心生懒惰， 我要抛弃你！

stay with families When I was alone and worked in another city, i felt very lonely. After working back to rent house, i did nothing but kept with internet things. My heart is very weak and small. As I could not stand up with such life there, I went back to home. I have had no job for one month. Every day seems to be very blank. I have stayed with my parents for nearly one month. Though I want to make sure that what I can do for my career, I still haven't thought of any ideas. Maybe I am not patient enough. Whatever I did with my job before, I would feel tiresome with it after a long time. Or I think it is useless for the development of my future career. This youth seems no hope. My heart is hopelessly apathetic. I should not keep these pathetic feelings. It is better to encourage myself to do anything I want. Currrently, I hope to find a job in my countryside. Maybe the salary is very low. But I don't need to pay for rent. If I can, I can save more money. I really would like to visit the world as long as I have enough money. My parents are too kind. I am 25. It is really a shame to live with parents without job. The kinder they treat me, the more ashamed I feel. What a shame!

Current Life Still, I haven't found my direction. It is my problem. I think I have mental issue. I don't want to give a call to anybody which may be my parents, sister and brother. I don't think I have good friends as we don't connect with each other for a long time. When they need you, they will find you. This is not a real friendship. I speak a little in the office. I eat alone, walk alone, think alone. My heart is too small to hold someone. I have thought about suicide for many times. But I fear if I were dead, my parents would feel very sad. I never think of getting married. However, my career does not develop very well. I want to quit again. I has been a year since I stay in the company. Everything seems too bad. The headache makes me sick. The pain in the neck also get me desperate. I don't believe the world agrees me to keep alive. Ingore these stupid thoughts if you happen to read my entry. I have not written something here for a very long time. All I wrote is about the complaints of life which is meaningless for me. My head is odd. The brain often thinks something rediculous. I am badly ill in spirit. I need a psychology doctor. But I am too poor to afford this. What a pity!

what is ergonomic mouse mean? Can any friends help me with the question? Thanks.