Monkey Park in Kyoto , Japan.

I wrote my favorite tourist place in Kyoto.
If you find wrong sentences please correct my article.

【Arashiyama Monkey Park】

If you have a chance to go to Kyoto,
I recommend you also go to Arashiyama.

There are various tourist places in Arahisyama, but among them, I especially recommend you to visit Arashiyama monkey park.

Arashiyama is located top of the Arashi mountain, so you have to climb for about 15 minutes to get there.

However after that, you can see the whole of Kyoto. A lot of Japanese monkeys are also living in the park, therefore, you can see them from up close as well.

You can feed the monkeys too.
Older monkeys are a little aggressive but the baby ones are so cute.

Entry fee: 550 yen.
Food for feeding: 100 yen.

The cost is really low and you can enjoy the park for a long time, so if you have a chance you should go see it!

A few notes:

"there is a view of Kyoto" works, or "you can see the whole of Kyoto" works, but for some reason, they don't sound good combined. "You can see the Kyoto cityscape" is another way you can describe it. 

Speaking of describing, you might want to add some more descriptors. A "beautiful view", or maybe the park is "one of my favorite places to visit". That way it sounds more like you like the place.

Hope this helps. Let me know if you have any questions. 

Hometown

-Where is your hometown?

My hometown is Fukushima prefecture. It’s located north of in northern Japan. It's takes about one and half hours from Tokyo by shinkansen (high speed train).


-Is it famous for anything?

It became famous for place due to a nuclear disaster after a tsunami following the earthquake on March 11th, 2011. It’s really far  between from there the nuclear plant to my parents house, so it was okay. But there are some people who still don't can't go back to their houses.

-What are the interesting place to visit in your hometown?

My hometown has an abundance of nature. There are some mountains, carving (caves? Carving is the act of shaving wood. Caves are tunnels in rock, often quite large, but sometimes smaller) and lakes.
I recommend lake Inawashiro. This lake is the third largest one in Japan. There are many ski resort and hot springs around there.


-would you prefer to live in another place in Japan?

I've lived living in Tokyo by myself for around 15 years. Living in Tokyo is much better than my hometown like in the country-side. There are lots of interesting things, places, and people. Tokyo is full of excitements. However, one thing I can’t stand about Tokyo is the sheer number of people.

Hope this is helpful. If you have any questions about the corrections, feel free to ask. 

The graduation of my brother.

I have a brother and a sister. My brother is 44 years-old. He is an engineer of construction. Yes, it is somewhat late to study. One day, he got an information about the a free master's course for white workers. All expenses were paid by the government. He tried to participate in that program, and finally, he succeeded. Two days ago, he, finally, passed that course. He became a master (? We don't really say this. It only works if he got a doctorate, and then we would say he became a Doctor of Engineering). To celebrate his graudation, my wife and I went to his university, and we attended at the graduation ceremony for graduation. About 20 of his fellow students were acquired their master's degree. I really would like to appraise praise their enthusiasm for their study (This is something called passive voice- grammatically it's ok, but saying something like, "I'm amazed at their enthusiasm for their studies." actually sounds better. Also, appraise means to determine how much something is worth). After finishing this ceremony, all my familly our entire family went to a restaurant in the department store near that the university. I treated this lunch as my present for my brother. During came On our way back to my home, we stopped by my sister's house to take my sister, and my nephew, and niece over to my house. My parents and my sister's family  and my family went to a restaurant to have a dinner. My father treated it paid. We really enjoyed that time ourselves. I drank some alcohol with my father and my brother-in-law. It was so pleasant (Grammatically ok, but "so pleasant" doesn't quite sound right. "It was a great night" sounds much more natural).

Hope this is helpful. I might have missed some stuff, but all in all, I understood everything, so I'd say you're doing well. Sounds like a good night, and congratulations to your brother. 

I think to reach a goal is the most natural way, but to be a bit more formal you could also "succeed in your goal" Example sentence: I succeeded in my goal to beat my personal record today. I fulfilled my goal of beating my personal record today. I reached my goal of beating my personal record today. I think the top one sounds best personally, but I can't speak for every native English speaker out there. Personal preference, I think.

IELTS Writing task 2- Please Help :)))

Hi guys, I'm currently preparing for the Ielts exam and I really need some feedback and suggestions for my writing part. Thanks :))

TOPIC: children in some parts of the world have less responsibility compared to children in the past. Some people think this as a positive change however others think this as a negative change. What do you think?

The rapid growth of global economy has resulted in the improvement of people’s life quality in many regions. This means that children in some countries are growing up in a better environment with less stress and responsibility than that in the past. This phenomenon has aroused diverse opinions and personally speaking, I regard this as a positive trend rather than a negative one.

First of all, less financial responsibility means less undue pressure and worries. Financial soundness in many families ensures the children a healthy, nurturing environment. In comparison with decades ago, the underage nowadays can live a happy and carefree life without having to go out and work to help the family. Moreover, they can receive proper education, which naturally secures them a more prosperous future. For example, a recent research by a Chinese social organization shows that 70% of the interviewed children mark their life as satisfactory. (Was there a study done in previous years where less children marked their life as satisfactory? Otherwise, this doesn't support your point. Also, after providing evidence, it's usually best to have a sentence explaining how that evidence ties in and supports your arguement.)

On the other hand, spoiled by their parents, children nowadays can get whatever they want by simply asking for it. For this reason, they are more inclined to be more dependent and do not value traditional ethics like diligence. (You might consider using some qualifiers here rather than absolute statements. "many children are spoiled" "there is a trend among the younger generations to be more dependent" etc. Otherwise these are very broad generalizations). What’s more ("In addition" is more formal, what's more feels a little colloquial, though is probably ok.), the new generation often grows up in a over-protective environment, resulting in them being more vulnerable (to what?) and at risk (for what?) when entering adulthood. A questionnaire organized by students from Sun Yat-sen university is a great illustration. The result shows that majority of the students lack knowledge of money management because they never learned how to do it. However, these problems can be solved with proper parenting and education.

All in all, less responsibility brings more benefits than harms because children can have a higher quality of life and less burden. (You may wish to include a bit of that arguement of becoming more successful due to better education in this conclusion as well.) 

I don't know if you wanted proofreading for your arguement or just the grammar, but I hope this is helpful to you. I didn't correct the mistakes that the person before me did, because they already corrected it. 

Good luck!