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修改前:
的中文自我介绍(附带拼音) 我的名字叫 Thora。我有一个中国名字叫栖伟叶。我一直对亚洲文化感兴趣,从我7岁起直到现在。我想保持我的兴趣,使来自世界各地的朋友了解中国。我最喜欢的亚洲文化是中国文化。我爱中国,爱它的文化和语言。关于我的更多信息:我是在美国出生和长大的。我的家乡在 新泽西州的Allentown, 。但三年前,我家搬到了 新泽西州的皮特曼,。就在不远处,到新泽西州的Allentown,相距只有一个小时,所以我仍然可以看到我的老朋友,并且经常回去。我今年16岁。我的爱好是旅游,听音乐,了解亚洲文化,交朋友,烹饪,摄影,我最喜欢的是和朋友书信来往而不是电子邮件。 感谢您抽出时间看我的文章。祝你一天愉快!
After the correction,I think you are good but there is only a mistake in this composition.there maybe some conjunction in it
关于我的更多信息: you can add "this is sth below "
So I mean 以下是关于我的更多信息,I think it is better
0 votedAugust 1, 20120- It is nice to get away from the hustle and bustle of city life and relax yourself? It is nice to get away from the hustle and bustle of city life and relax yourself a IELTS examiner told it is right to add to before the relax , It is nice to get away from the hustle and bustle of city life and to relax yourself so is it right?and why I think there is a to after the niceJuly 31, 201240
- this is my IELTS Writing.thanks IELTS Writing is assessed according to levels of task achievement, vocabulary, grammar and cohesive devices. title :Some people think that the government should pay for citizen’s health care and education. Others , however ,argue that is not the responsibly of the government . discuss both views and give your own opinion. In these day and age ,the guarantee of individuals’ health care and education has aroused people’ discussion . some people believe that it is definitely the duty of government. From my standpoint ,I agree with this view. Paying for people’s health care and education by government benefit citizenship to a large extent. To begin with ,every student could enjoy the right to go to school no matter the high tuition. The impoverished students can attend school to receive the education provided that the government will increase its support for pulic education. Similarly ,the needy can receive the medical service free which is beneficial to their health. Besides , government is obligated to increase their expenditure on citizens’ medical service and schooling. More preciously , individuals shoulder the responsibility to contribute to the development of the society and pay taxes to the national government. So it is free for them to receive the education and take the medical service. Last but not least ,the service will narrow the gap between the poor and the rich. By that I mean students raised in less fortunate households can acquire knowledge and techiniques at school which motivate them to change their destiny. This is probably ture to some extent . Admittedly,persons can pay for the health care and education by themselves . After all ,government can put more budget on other fileds . for instance, the service industry ,the manufacture etc. which make great profit to the national tax rather than education and health care. Even so ,the education and health care is the basic guarantee of citizenship which play the majority roles in the progress of the economy . In conclusion , government is obligated to take responsibility to assist people’s health care and education. But I still suggest that it is critical to control the part of national budget on these areas .July 30, 201220
- who want to join me to correct compositions with each other?
I am writing compositions everyday and I am finding a partner to correct my composition.Becasuse I am perparing IELTS(International English Language Testing System) now .
I think the native speaker who are learning Chinese may be better as I can help the one with his or her Chinese writing.
PS:I am a Chinese.
July 29, 201200
