Correct my essay about Harry Potter, please
The task is to choose a picture and describe what we see there.
There is a picture that shows the main scene from the seventeenth chapter of the Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets book. In this chapter, Harry found out where the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets is and met Lord Voldemort there. Fortunately, it was not Voldemort himself. It was just a memory preserved into the diary that Tom Riddle left when he finished Hogwarts. Ginny helped Tom with his dreadful deeds - she had spilled all her secrets to the diary. Finally, Tom was powerful enough to go out from the book although he was still a memory. I suppose, Tom was sure this is his very triumphant moment.
When a transition word starts a sentence, typically they will require a comma after, such as First, Second, Also, In addition, Finally...
So there is the end of the dimly lit Chamber. It is dull and grim<s>ly</s>. Harry's just finished the battle with the Basilisk - it lays down motionless on the right of the picture and it’s eye sockets are bleeding. Fawks, the phoenix, is soaring around on the left of the picture, he is bright golden and crimson (red=crimson). We can also see a gleaming silver sword on the right; it appeared when Dumbledore had sent Fawks and the Sorting Hat before the battle started. Harry thought that neither of them would be much good (or, you could say “of much use”) in a duel, but he was wrong. Fawks punctured mortal yellow Basilisks eyes, the Sorting Hat gave Harry the sword so he could kill the serpent. One of the poisonous fangs (When you say “one of” you are talking about one out of many. Therefore, fangs must be plural) hurt Harry but Fawks healed his wound. In all likelihood, Harry's beliefs helped him again - only the true loyalty could call Fawks to him. Love and friendship is more valuable than something else in the world. Harry knew it well; his mother died to save him.
In this exact moment, <s>that</s> we see the phoenix throw the diary to Harry. Neither Tom nor Harry expected (double negative) it and Harry plunged Basilisk's fang straight into the heart of the book. We see on the picture how ink spurts out of the diary flooding the floor.
This is the end of the great battle.
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