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Nur Fahmia
Indonesian
Oct 21, 2016
Halo, Maddie! You have potential to practice speaking because you know many words. Just try. I thought that you need to be confident, sister :) don't be afraid to take mistake because I will help you and I pay attention fully every single things :) Semangat!
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  • Corrected

    Hi Anna! They are all correct apart from part of #3 - 

    3) If I could live anywhere in the world, I would live in Istanbul.

    0 voted
    October 17, 2016
    1
  • Corrected
    0 voted
    October 17, 2016
    0
  • Corrected

    A short trip in the mountain

    Hello, could you help me by reading my text and giving me some comments ?
    Thanks!

    A member in my gymnastic club proposed a hiking in a mountain which was not far from the city. More than ten people wanted to go but only seven of us could be were free for this weekend trip.

    We started from a parking in the city and arrived at the parking next to the mountain after one hour by car. We had only 600 m of hight height to reach the top of the mountain where a hut had recently been repaired for hikers. Since I had done three hikes last year and I often run a long distance, so this hiking was not too difficult for me. However, the first slope was not easy for beginners. It was with  covered in small stones and slippery because it was raining had rained during the week. The second slope was nearly flat and all of us could easily finish it.

    On the top, there was a well-equipped hut with a heating by wood wood heating and ten mattresses.  We thought that it was really a royal house for nomads. There was also a small lake next to the hut where we took some water. It was very convenient to cook here with the water from the source also because most of us bring the camping cookwares. We had finally a long meal from aperitif to main plate, the melted cheese with breads. The meal in the warm atmosphere lasted up to until 11 p.m, then we still stayed together to talk and to play a game. The party was ended at 2 a.m. There was only one thing we had to do, it was to rest the on the mattresses until the next morning to come back home.

    -

    Hi Linh! Your writing is mostly good, with just a few mistakes here and there. I'm not sure what you mean by 'parking' which is why it is highlighted - is it a park or a car park? It's not entirely clear. Also some points with tense. Saying 'it was raining during the week' still makes sense but 'had rained' sounds more correct since you are talking about something that happened in the past before arriving at the hiking track. Sometimes you also had run on sentences. In these cases it sounds better to start a new sentence either when mentioning something new or the sentence is overly long, rather than using a comma. That's just the things I noticed when I gave it a quick read. Overall you did a good job :)

    0 voted
    October 17, 2016
    1
  • Corrected

    Summary of a small reading about Alice's adventures in Wonderland

    Please I need to check my punctuation, the structure, the right use of connector...everything
    Thank you so much!


    Alice was with her sister sitting on the grass. She was too bored because she had to listen to her sister who started reading a story for her. Suddenly, a white rabbit past passed her while she was yawning and Alice immediately she ran to follow him. She jumped down into a hole rabbit hole to catch the white rabbit but whilst she was falling into it she noticed that the rabbit wasn’t there. on any side The only things she saw were a lot of jars on some bookshelves. Finally, she landed on the floor and she saw again the white rabbit again, walking through a passage. When she almost reached it, he get lost disappeared, turning a corner.

    Consequently. Alice arrived in an empty room and she saw a golden key on a glass table. The key only opened one small door hidden behind a curtain, however, she couldn’t enter because she was too big. When she turned back her glance, she noticed a bottle on the table that said “DRINK ME”.  She drank it at once and started to get smaller more and more every time and smaller; but she had left the key on the table. In that moment she saw a tart under the table so she ate it because she thought she could be big again to take the key.  and definitely Alice started to get bigger and bigger until she touched the top of the roof.

    Alice started crying in view of her size,  due because it wasn’t helpful at all. Her tears were so big that she made a pool. After a while she became small again and she was drowning in their her tears. There were a lot of animals right there too. helpfully Luckily, she was helped by a mouse to reach the shore, and later she realized that everything around her was quite different now.

    -

    Hi Daniela, your writing is pretty good. I made some changes to run on sentences, where it sounds better to begin a new sentence instead of having a comma. There were also some minor issues with vocabulary and word order. Hope this helps :)

    0 voted
    October 16, 2016
    1