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The Stranger. Part 2. Library. Please, correct my mistakes...
Damien goes (U)on to stay on The Druid's Island in a parallel world...
The (1)timr went. Every evening I went to the valley where I usually trained. Recently Lisa gave me a (2)wooden and showed me some exercises. I tried to(3) practise diligently. Usually I swam in the lake after the (4) trainings (5) till the Sun (6) disapeared behind the(7) horison... Lisa very often joined me to go to the valley(8)
"Tomorrow I'll (9)bring you to the library. I feel you have already prepared for this" Lisa said.
"What? What will I learn?" I couldn't wait.
"At the beginning you'll learn (10)Chronicle of our country. Then we'll think about what book (11)will better to you"
"I'll strive to learn well!"
"We have nowhere to haste..." Lisa answered.1. Spelling mistake, Time
2. wooden is an adjective, something that is used to describe a noun, and cannot stand alone. ex. A wooden bowl.
3. Spelling mistake, Practice.
4. Training has no plural form, use Training, ex. I train. We trained. After the training.
5. I would rather use the full word, until, till doesn't fit well.
6. Spelling mistake, Disappeared.
7. Spelling mistake, Horizon.
8. Missing a full stop.
9. Use Take, Bring is the wrong word, you use bring when you're already there. ex. I will bring you here myself.
10. I'm unsure what you meant here, it could be ""At the beginning you'll learn the chronicle of our country."
or "At the beginning you'll learn "Chronicle of our country". (Book Title)
11. "Will be better" use the future continuous tense, I,we,you,he,she,it + will be.
(U) > unnecessary words that can be removed
Good job besides for a few errors.
:)
0 votedOctober 14, 20161A trick when it comes to get, that I used was out is used with enclosures, if it covers your head, it's an enclosure. Off is used when you are on top of something or mounted.
I'll give some example sentences.
You should get out of the car.
You should get off of the bicycle.
You should get out of the house.
You should get off of the roof.
There are exceptions and this method is nowhere near perfect, but it should help a bit.
Exceptions like "You should get out of the rain."
But it works in most cases.
With Take, off is basically to remove something while out it to move something or get something. (once again, nowhere near perfect)
Some examples follow.
I must take out the trash.
I should take off the poster.
I should take off my shirt before I swim.
I should take out an insurance policy.
In South Africa, we use bathroom as a unisex term and I would say it's safe for work.
I have to go to the bathroom.
Hope this helps
:)
0 votedOctober 13, 20161The Football Village.Chapter 31. Not one step back.
So we'll face with two hard matches (1)befor the season is over. We have to earn at least four points in these games. (2)These days we (3) degan to work hard at our (4)trainings. Even our drunkards finished (5)to booze and (6)start to work. Well, Billy's appearance changed the atmosphere. Rod is (7)the great captain, but he couldn't manage alone.
In several days we'll play with Darry Town FC. They were(8) fiveth in the league table so the game will be difficult. For (9)all season we played from the (10)deffence. But(11) then we must go ahead.
"Not one step back" (12)that what we heard from Rod a few minutes before the game began...Issues marked with bright yellow are of critical importance and faded yellow of less.
1. Spelling mistake : Before
2.Feels unnatural, rather use Lately
3. Spelling mistake : Began
4. Use singular form : Trading
5. booze isn't a verb,it's a noun so use the booze instead.
6. Incorrect word form, use Started
7. use a instead, ''Rod is a great captain."
8. Spelling mistake : Fifth
9. Feels unnatural, rather use "the entire".
10. Spelling mistake : defense.
11. Use "now" instead otherwise the sentence makes little sense.
12. "That is what", missing "is".
Good work, besides for the above stated issues.
Well done
:)
0 votedOctober 12, 20161A Day Like No Other
It was a day like no other. You had left and that time (1)was forever. You asked questions and they will (2)ever be unanswered.
From that day on, I had to live with that torturing reality. (3)What worse my pain that I couldn't share it with anyone.
In that hardship, tears (4)was my alone devoted friend. I kept sobbing and weeping for days (5)and days. I tried to hide my sadness but my swelling eyes had unveiled my secret.
Unbearable blaming thoughts were mercilessly tearing my soul, and endlessly playing in my mind. Could I have saved your life, if I was there at the right time(6)?. This question will be too forever unanswered.
I owe you so much and I can't believe your departure.
You will always be (7) in my heart remembered.1. I recommend you use felt like instead considering you're trying to convey a feeling of longing.
2. Incorrect word order, It should be "be ever unanswered."
3. This is conveyed poorly, try What's worse is
4. Was is the wrong word, it should be were.
5. And, while correct, feels unnatural, try using upon instead.
6. This could go two ways
6.1) Considering the comma before if, there is no need for a question mark, since it's a statement and not a question.
6.2) If you remove the comma before if, you turn it into a question and you would keep the question mark.
Please Note: A full stop and a question mark will never follow upon one another since they both mark the end of a sentence.
7) Incorrect word order, It should be "Remembered in my heart" , so rather say 'You will always be remembered in my heart."
Your work was very good aside from the above mentioned issues.
Well done :)
0 votedOctober 12, 20161
