live with parents
Recently there HAS BEEN a significant percentage of teenagers who still live with their parents after enrolling in a university instead of living in a dormitory. Speaking for myself, I disagree with the statement for the following reasons . (NOTE...what statement do you disagree with?)
For one thing, living away from home is a way to help the youth to become more independent. Nowadays , in the course of growing up under more favorable circumstances, many teenagers become selfish and don’t have a sense of responsibility. Living at home does not help the teenager.....(COMPLETE THIS DETAIL POINT TO HELP PROVE YOUR FIRST MAIN POINT) Therefore, independence is an important factor required for students to succeed in academic research and adapt to the competitive world in the future. (Note: Is this your sentence, or did you get it from something you read?)
For another thing, livING in a dormitory is an effective way for students to develop their social understAnding of sharING. For instance, they are obliged to share A room with their roommates in the dormitory WHICH benefits their skills of mastering interpersonal RELATIONSHIPS. A dormitory is a community where young MEN AND WOMEN become mature very fast , so....(YOUR POINT IS INCOMPLETE HERE AND NEEDS TO BE COMPLETED TO BE SBLE TO ADD TO YOUR MAIN POINT.)
There is no denying that living at home is a better environment compareD to the dormitory. Parents will try their best to gives their child what they needed .However relying on the chances of interacting with peers ,which is detrimental to their social skill development. (THIS POINT IS INCOMPLETE AND A BIT CONFUSED. DO YOU MEAN THAT BECAUSE THEY LIVE AT HOME THIS IS DETRIMENTAL TO THEM? YOU NEED TO REWRITE THIS POINT.)
In conclusion, I believed that growING up means not only BECOMING an adult but also being an independent, sociable and responsible PERSON, WHICH is better for university students BECAUSE THEY WILL to BE ABLE TO enjoy their LIVES and development MORE FULLT .
I gave you some correction which I capitalized so that you would be able to see the changes clearly. A few of this changes were not capitalized.
Some grammar corrections:
1. afetr a preposition the verb (gerund) form changes to the 'ing' ending: after enrolling; of sharing. )
2. When you use a verb as the subject in a reduced sentence, it takes the 'ing' form . It is also a gerund phrase: Living in a dormitory is....( living-subject... is-verb)
3. The present perfect is needed after recently to show something new happening and happening over time.
4.Look at the areas where I asked you to complete ideas. Let me know if you understand what I mean. I think it is important for you to make these changes yourself so that your paragraph remains your own toughts and ideas.
I hope this will be helpful for you. I offer a beginning writing class which I think would be very good for you. I hope you will join me on Italki. Let me know how you feel about these corrections, and good luck to you.