live with parents

     Recently there HAS BEEN a significant  percentage of teenagers who still live with their parents after  enrolling in a university instead of living in a dormitory.  Speaking for myself, I disagree with the statement for the following reasons  . (NOTE...what statement do you disagree with?)
     For one thing, living away from home is a way to help the youth to become more independent. Nowadays , in the course of growing up under more favorable circumstances, many teenagers become selfish and don’t have a sense of responsibility.  Living at home does not help the teenager.....(COMPLETE THIS DETAIL POINT TO HELP PROVE YOUR FIRST MAIN POINT)  Therefore,  independence is an important factor required for students to succeed in academic research and adapt to the competitive world in the future. (Note:  Is this your sentence, or did you get it from something you read?)
For another thing, livING in a dormitory is an effective way for students to develop their social understAnding of sharING.  For instance, they are obliged to share A room with their roommates in the dormitory WHICH benefits their skills of mastering interpersonal RELATIONSHIPS.   A dormitory is a community where young MEN AND WOMEN become mature very fast , so....(YOUR POINT IS INCOMPLETE HERE AND NEEDS TO BE COMPLETED TO BE SBLE TO ADD TO YOUR MAIN POINT.) 
There is no denying that living at home is a better environment compareD to the dormitory.  Parents will try their best to gives their child what they needed .However relying on the chances of interacting with peers ,which is detrimental to their social skill development.  (THIS POINT IS INCOMPLETE AND A BIT CONFUSED.  DO YOU MEAN THAT BECAUSE THEY LIVE AT HOME THIS IS DETRIMENTAL TO THEM?  YOU NEED TO REWRITE THIS POINT.) 
In conclusion, I believed that growING up means not only BECOMING an adult but also being an independent, sociable and responsible PERSON,  WHICH is better for university students  BECAUSE THEY WILL to BE ABLE TO enjoy their LIVES  and development MORE FULLT .

I gave you some correction which I capitalized so that you would be able to see the changes clearly.  A few of this changes were not capitalized.  

Some grammar corrections:

1.  afetr a preposition the verb (gerund) form changes to the 'ing' ending:  after enrolling;  of sharing.  )

2.  When you use a verb as the subject in a reduced sentence, it takes the 'ing' form .  It is also a gerund phrase:  Living in a dormitory is....( living-subject... is-verb)

3.  The present perfect is needed after recently to show something new happening and happening over time.

4.Look at the areas where I asked you to complete ideas.  Let me know if you understand what I mean.  I think it is important for you to make these changes yourself so that your paragraph remains your own toughts and ideas.

I hope this will be helpful for you.  I offer a beginning writing class which I think would be very good for you.  I hope you will join me on Italki.  Let me know how you feel about these corrections, and good luck to you.

living with parents (is this an IELTS/TOEFL question?)

Some say that lately Recently there is an significant increasing proportion percentage of teenagers who still live with their parents after they enrollment the in/at university, instead of living in dormitory quarters .

Speaking for myself (redundant!), I am only disagree with the statement and for the reasons given below/which follow.
For one thing, living away from home is a way to help the youth to become more independent . Nowadays, in the course of growing up under more favorable circumstances than their parents experienced, that many teenagers become selfless selfish/self-centred and don’t have the any sense of responsibility etc. Independence is an important factor required for students to succeed in academic research and to adapt to the competitive world in the future

For another things, living in a dormitory is an effective way for students to develop their social skills and understanding meanings of sharing. But Because they are obliged to share rooms with their roommates in the dormitory, that benefits their interpersonal skills of master interpersonal .The dormitory is a community where young man people become mature very fast.

There is no denying (yes there is! I deny it! haha! - another meaningless IELTS phrase) that living at home is provides a better environment compared to than the a dormitory. Parents will try their best to gives their children what they needed. However relying on however it lessens/reduces the chances/opportunities of for interacting with peers, which is detrimental to their social skill development.
In conclusion, I believed that growing up means not only being an adult, but also being an independent, sociable and responsible individual and so living in a dormitory is better for university students and permits them to enjoy many aspects of their life and development in many  aspects .

Punctuation (commas, fullstops...) was a space following, not preceding!

Living with parents

Recently, there is an a significant proportion percentage of teenagers who still lives with their parents after their enrollment at the university instead of living in a dormitory. Speaking for me myself, I am only disagree with the statement and the reason is given below.

For one thing, living away from home is a way to help the youth to become more independent. Nowadays, in the course of growing up under more favorable circumstances than before, many teenagers become selfless selfish and don’t have the sense of responsibility etc. Independence is an important factor required for of students to in order to succeed in academic research and adapt to the competitive world in the future.

For another thing, living in a dormitory is an effective way for students to develop their social meanings of share skills and to learn sharing. But They are obliged to share a room with their roommates in the dormitory, that which benefits their skills of helps them master interpersonal skills.The dormitory is a community where young man people become mature very fast .

There is no denying that living at home is a better environment compared to the dormitory. Parents will try their best to give their child what they needed. However, interacting with peers is detrimental to the development of social skills. 

In conclusion, I believe that growing up means not only being an adult but also being an independent, sociable and responsible individual. It is better for university students to enjoy their life and development in many aspects different ways.