I didn´t expect that it would hurt so long

I didn´t expect that it would hurt so long. I am trying to convince myself that everything is very rational and feelings are nothing but a biochemical process. I'm living in a paradox right now. All I ever wanted to live for were feelings like happiness, luck and freedom. But I think my brain reached a border (or hit a wall).. and apathy is taking over all of my feelings. Every day I'm trying to be nice to everyone.. but I don't mean it truly anymore. My only thought is that everyone is going to disappoint me anyway. So I don't expect much.. which is very arrogant of me, I think. Now everyday looks the same, I'm waking up, going to university, going to my job and going to sleep. I lost my goal (or my direction) and I'm just living day to day (living in the moment is usually a positive thing). All I want to do is settle down, have a family or something or see the world. But I have the feeling that it will never be that way.
I'm figuring out what life actually means for me. But the answer is very hard to reach. It sounds stupid... but yes.. I believed in fortune a while ago... now I believe in nothing but pointlessness. And I'm hating myself for that because I want to be more positive again.

Now I'm trying to count the "I's" in this text.... it's ridiculous...

I'm sorry you feel like this. :( You should try looking at this website, the advice and wisdom on here always can brighten my day!  http://spiritualinspiration.tumblr.com/

"Shout"

I've read two letters in the magazine for young people, ''Shout''. The first letter was written by Sasha - a 15 year old girl. Kelly wrote the second letter. Kelly is 16.
Both girls complain in their letters. They are unhappy with their families. The girls ask for advice on how to solve their problems. What are their complains about?
Sasha says that she doesn't have any privacy, because family surrounds her all the time. Sasha's younger sister always asks ''What's up?'', even when Sasha wants to be alone, and takes Sasha's stuff without her permission. Sasha's brothers nag her with embarrassing questions about boyfriends and clothes and show her up before her classmates. Her parents don't allow her to stay at the night at her friends' houses. Sasha's father always asks her about homework.
Also, she thinks that the distribution of housework is unfair. She does all of the housework alone and her family members don't help her.
Kelly's situation is absolutely opposite. She doesn't have father, she never knew him. Kelly must care for her mother. Her mother has a mental illness and sometimes her actions become wild. Occasionally Kelly has to live in the children's home or with foster parents. She always lives in different places. Kelly says that children's homes are okay, but she feels uncomfortable when strangers surround her.
I don't think she wants to complain, just share her problems with the readers. She says: ''My life is okay in some ways''. She tries to stay positive, but her loneliness depresses her sometimes.
In my opinion, Kelly's problems are more deeper than Sasha's. If I were an editor of "Shout" I would advise Sasha to be more patient, because all we have the same problems. Sasha doesn't understand how lucky she is. She has a big family: parents, brothers and a sister. However, Kelly is completely alone. In my opinion, Sasha should talk with her family members and reach a compromise. They should talk about the borders of her private life and about how to share the housework fairly. I think that will be able to help them to solve their problems. When Sasha leaves home after graduating from school, she will miss her parents, brothers and sister. 

I want to advise Kelly to think about her friends and mother. Kelly, you aren't completely alone!
You must be strong and patient, study and work hard.

I think she will reach her goals. I wish that her dreams become real.
Everyone of us has problems with our family sometimes, but all we shouldn't forget to appreciate them.

My routine

Generaly I get up at 6:20 am and have breakfast with my family. I usually leave the house at 7:10 am to take my daughter to school, then I go to the gym. I love doing exercises, I think my day is much better when I workout. I take a shower and change into my other clothes at the gym and then go to work.

SoCal Style Gym!

I just joined an unique gym in SoCal tonight. It doesn't seem like 24 Hour Fitness gym I used to go almost every day. The most fascinating things I found in out about my new gym is that they have a specially designed boot camp at the beach. I hope it will help reduce my stress in the California's fresh air at the beach. I hope working out on the beach in the fresh Californian air will reduce my stress.

You would think that you would say "an unique gym" because unique starts with a vowel, but the u in this word starts with a "y" sound, so you would say "a unique gym". However with other words, such as umbrella, you would say "an umbrella". :)

Hobbies

In my free time I like to study English and to watch different training videos. I want to know this languages English very well. I really like to sing. My friends say I sing well and to have a beautiful voice. In my childhood When I was younger, I went a music school for music, but unfortunately I didn't finished it school there. I played the violin. I am a music lover. I listen to different types of music. This is a I enjoy classic, pop, rock, Russian, English, Spanish, Ukrainian, and Polish music. I watch TV often. I prefer to watch melodramas, comedies, adventures, and Bible-based movies. I like to draw from time to time. At the University I went to I took art courses. I can paint landscapes, people, and still life. Occasionally, I like to play sports sometimes. For example to play I enjoy playing volleyball, skating, skiing and swimming. I don't swim very well but I like to swim anyways it.  Also However I like to be lazy aswell :) often :)