I didn´t expect that it would hurt so long
I didn´t expect that it would hurt so long. I trying to convince myself, that everything is very rational and feelings are nothing but a biochemical process. I`m living in a paradox right now. All I ever wanted to live for were feelings like happiness, luck and freedom. But I think my brain reached a border.. and apathy is taking over all of my feelings. Every day I`m trying to act nice to everyone.. but I don`t mean it truly anymore. My only thought is that everyone is going to disappoint me anyway. So I didn`t expect much.. what is very arrogant of myself, I think. Now everyday looks the same, Im waking up, going to university, going to my job and going to sleep. I lost my goal and I´m just living in the moment. All I want to do is settle down, have a family or something or see the world. But I have the feeling that it will never be this way.
I`m figuring out what life actually means for me. But the answer is very hard to reach. It sounds stupid... but yes.. I believed in fortune a while ago... now I believe in nothing but pointlessness. And I hating myself for that because I wan`t to be more positive again.
Now I`m trying to count the "I`s" in this text.... it`s ridiculous...
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Corrections · 3
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I am sorry that you are feeling so depressed. Feelings are important, but it sounds like your feelings are painful right now. I encourage you not to dismiss them as chemical reactions. Feelings are real. Sometimes they come from a deep hurt caused by others. Sometimes they come from choices or expectations that we can change to make our lives better. Sometimes they are the result of chemical changes and a doctor can help us fix that imbalance.
The search for meaning can be a painful journey. But there can also be joy. On this journey, expectations that we have for ourselves are not met in the ways that we hoped or in the time that we hoped. Sometimes the expectations need to be changed, but more often they need to be adjusted rather than thrown away.
I do not know your situation, but I wish you well as you move forward.
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I didn´t expect that it would hurt so long
I didn´t expect that it would hurt so long. I am trying to convince myself that everything is very rational and feelings are nothing but a biochemical process. I'm living in a paradox right now. All I ever wanted to live for were feelings like happiness, luck and freedom. But I think my brain reached a border (or hit a wall).. and apathy is taking over all of my feelings. Every day I'm trying to be nice to everyone.. but I don't mean it truly anymore. My only thought is that everyone is going to disappoint me anyway. So I don't expect much.. which is very arrogant of me, I think. Now everyday looks the same, I'm waking up, going to university, going to my job and going to sleep. I lost my goal (or my direction) and I'm just living day to day (living in the moment is usually a positive thing). All I want to do is settle down, have a family or something or see the world. But I have the feeling that it will never be that way.
I'm figuring out what life actually means for me. But the answer is very hard to reach. It sounds stupid... but yes.. I believed in fortune a while ago... now I believe in nothing but pointlessness. And I'm hating myself for that because I want to be more positive again.
Now I'm trying to count the "I's" in this text.... it's ridiculous...
I'm sorry you feel like this. :( You should try looking at this website, the advice and wisdom on here always can brighten my day! http://spiritualinspiration.tumblr.com/
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Looks like you need some motivation staff. Remember, why you started all this? ;) Don't go crazy.
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