Please help me with my homework

 

Freedom is the state of being allowed to do what we want to do. It became one of the most important continents concepts in (1) our society.

 

President Franklin D. Roosevelt told spoke of four essential freedoms, which are freedom of speech and expression (2), freedom of every person for everyone to worship God in their own way (3), freedom from want and freedom from fear. If I were to add three opinions in to one of Roosevelt's freedoms, I'd I would (4) like to choose the second freedom, freedom of religion. 

First, a person doesn't have any qualifications rights to emphasize force their religion / beliefs to on others.

These days Nowadays, there are such many people who overemphasize their own religions.

For an example, when I was young, one of my friends advertised her religion to my classmates and even belittled my family's religion. I felt very upset and embarrassed. In addition, I can see such many people on the street, promoting their religions. I'm open-minded to all the religions, but I hope wish they would respect the religions of others.

Next, Religionless people agnostics / atheists (5) also have index of life (6), not only people who have their religions. Many people say, the purposes of having own religion is to make indexes of life (6). Having no religion, some people in Korea ignore those who do not have any religion (7). However, ...(not done)

Lastly, a person can change their religion. In their lifetime, a person's difficulties or ways to live his life can be changed. Radically (8), the purpose of having a religion to most people is to rely on them and be comfortable by worshipping their god in their own way. There are many chances to change the religion, and I don't think it is such a disgraceful thing. ..(not done)

Being free from religions and being able to worship god in our own way (9), we could live our lives more comfortably and express our opinions freely from the other people. Still, there are such many people who ignore others and be stereotype to hostile towards (10) other religions / beliefs. Our society would change for the better if people are open-minded to all religions.

 

NOTE:  Edits in GREY are general corrections, edits in REDare where you have an odd choice of words, and edits that are RED without strikethrough are where I’m not sure what you are trying to say, so I don’t have a correction for you.

(1)    I’m guessing this is what you want to say here

(2)    Freedom of speech and expression is essentially the same thing, so only one is necessary.  If you mention both it looks like you are listing 5 freedoms instead of 4

(3)    I’m leaving this with a minor correction, but it would be better if you simply said “freedom of religion”, as you are giving the other 3 freedoms in their original names

(4)    Don’t use apostrophes to contract words in essays and homework in general

(5)    I don’t think this word means what you want it to mean in this case

(6)    I’m not really sure what you’re trying to say here.  I’ve never used / heard of an ‘index of life’.  Do you happen to mean good standards of living / quality of life? 

(7)    You are repeating ‘having a religion’ in the same sentence here

(8)    Again, I’m not sure what you’re trying to say here

(9)    This sounds contradictory to me… I don’t think you can be ‘free from religion’ and also ‘worship god’ at the same time, as you are part of a religion if you worship a god, no?

(10)I’m guessing this is what you want to say here

 

Lastly, you have a habit of placing ‘such’ in front of ‘many people’, which is entirely unnecessary.  If you want to put a word there, I would put 'so' in front of 'many people' instead.

Dos and Don’ts about giving up smoking

Start by attending to the doctor in order to take his advices
Always remember health problems that you can avoid if you give up smoking
Take every opportunity to do some exercise and eat healthy
You might think about the money you can save if you don’t smoke

Be careful to dump your cigarettes ? this one I'm not sure about, it is grammatically correct but you don't 'dump' a cigarette, unless you are 'dumping' a truckload or something.  Is the advice to throw away your cigarettes in the right place?  (e.g. the bin instead of the road or elsewhere where it could catch fire)

Resist the temptation to try only a cigarette

Avoid attending to smoking clubs
You should never keep in touch with people who smokes
It’s important to feel confident about your goals

Happenings to attend

When you are living in a big city there are a lot of opportunities to attend all kind of happenings. It is very easy find the the latest films, is possible to choose all kind of concert halls to go listen to music, such as classic, pop, jazz, rock,... Also every week new performances are available either outside as in theaters or halls. The line/queue up is always very extensive.
Also there are quite a few exhibitions along the city and most of them are very interesting. One of the most interesting, in Madrid at the moment, is the Sebastiao Salgado´s exhibition, one of the best photographers in the world, and I´d say one of the best artists.