Write an email to a friend telling him/her your news

Hey Giulia
Sorry I've been really busy this week and I <strike>can't</strike>  COULDN`T respond to you. This week WAS REALLY TOUGH for me was <strike>really tough</strike>. I had two exams, both OF WHICH WERE really difficult but both <strike>did</strike> WENT well. What else? Oh yes...I've bought some books. I think that YOU MIGHT LIKE one or two <strike>can like you</strike> too. Maybe I could bring you the next TIME  <strike>view</strike> that we meet. But FIRST please write to me  <strike>before</strike> about your news.
Bye for now
Virginia

Could you please correct my writing?

The bar chart illustrates the different motives that ADULTS HAVE FOR STUDYING <strike>urge adults on studying</strike>, while the pie chart<strike> is divided into 3 sections showing how each</strike> SHOWS HOW course fees should be distributed.

Overall, the most common motive for adults to study is their interest in a particular subject, whereas the least common reason is to meet new people. Also, it is clear from the pie chart that the biggest contributor to adult education fees should be the individual.
<strike>
It is clear from the chart that the majority of people  </strike>THE GREATEST PERCENTAGE OF PEOPLE(40%) want to study for their interest in specific subjects, while the percentage of people studying for gaining TO GAIN new qualifications comes second  AT <strike>and accounting for </strike>38%. Furthermore, 22% <strike>of them </strike>study to support their current careers. In addition, the percentage of people studyING for <strike>enjoying</strike> PLEASURE and those who study to gain  A promotion is the same at 20%. Finally, the least common motives for<strike> them to</strike> study was to able to change jobs and to meet new people.

As can be seen from the pie chart, that people think that 40% of course fees should be <strike>applied on</strike> PAID BY THE individual, while the employer should share 35% of fees, and the taxpayer should participate by 25%.

IELTS Academic Writing task 1

The graph illustrates amount of parcels which were received between 1920 and 2000<font style="background-color: yellow;"> by two different companies.</font> <strike>The</strike> <font style="background-color: yellow;">During the</font> first several years, the leader of sending parcels <font style="background-color: yellow;">was</font> <strike>is</strike> FedEx but <strike>in</strike> <font style="background-color: yellow;">from</font> 1985 <font style="background-color: yellow;">on</font> <strike>happened exchange of places,</strike> <font style="background-color: yellow;">a change occurred and</font> TNT became <strike>a</strike> <font style="background-color: yellow;">the</font> leader.
First of all, we can see that <font style="background-color: yellow;">the number of parcels received by FedEx rose from 15000 in 1920 to 25000 in 1940</font> <strike>graphic trend of FedEx had rapidly rise</strike>, however after this <font style="background-color: yellow;">peak</font>  <strike>the higher spot it</strike> dramatically decreased <font style="background-color: yellow;">to a low of 12000 in 1950</font>. The <strike>line</strike> <strike>has just</strike> <font style="background-color: yellow;">figure</font> started to grow <strike>since</strike> <font style="background-color: yellow;">from</font> 1960<strike>, than it climbed to</strike> <font style="background-color: yellow;">until</font> 1980 and <strike>substantially</strike> maintained the same level <font style="background-color: yellow;">until the end of the period</font>.
The second company which <font style="background-color: yellow;">is</font> shown on the line graph is TNT. <strike>The first year of observing, their plenty. </strike><font style="background-color: yellow;">In 1920, their number</font> of delivered parcels were approximately 5000 and <strike>than </strike><font style="background-color: yellow;">then</font> it went up to <font style="background-color: yellow;">approximately 11000 in</font> 1960. After this year, the level <font style="background-color: yellow;">remained stable</font> <strike>didn't have huge changes</strike>. Nevertheless, the trend <font style="background-color: yellow;">experienced a dramatic</font> <strike>started</strike> <strike>enormously</strike> rise after about 1985,<font style="background-color: yellow;"> surpassing FedEx and reaching 25000 in 2000</font>. <strike>and had a higher spot in 2000.</strike>

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<font style="background-color: yellow;">Remember to include data in your description.  Also, task 1 requires some specific vocabulary to explain trends appropriately.  </font><strike></strike>

(IELTS) Essay - Raising animals for consumption

Assignment: People should never eat meat because raising animals for human consumption is cruel. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some of us believe that we should not eat meat since it involves inhumane treatment to animals. I have to say that I only partially agree. The breeding business is undoubtedly horrendous. Nevertheless, from my perspective meat consumption should be limited, not prohibited. History of animal breeding has shown a tendency of prioritizing productivity over humanity, and there has been no legal requirement for implementing a humane code of conduct. However, it does not necessarily mean that animal product consumption must be avoided altogether.  <font style="background-color: yellow;">You could have omitted the last 2 sentences of your introduction and it still would have been complete. This would have reduced your word count and saved time.  </font>

Similar to other fields of businesses, animal raisers' first and foremost concern is profitability. Apparently, treating animals humanely does not yield any monetary value. In reverse, cramming more animals into a narrow, confined space, or overfeeding them to the point of obesity leads to more profit, despite the discomfort from which billions of animals may suffer.<font style="background-color: yellow;">  What is the purpose of this paragraph?  What is the central idea?   You are clearly analyzing that raising animals for meat is cruel but what about the idea that we should NEVER eat meat because of it???.</font>  

Additionally, from the dawn of animal breeding until the modern day, the concerns about animals' welfare have never been translated into <font style="background-color: yellow;">legislation</font> <strike>a law enforcement</strike>. In other words, humans can abuse animals as much as they want without any consequence. Thus, it is not surprising that together with the advance of technology, people find more and more ways to exploit animals, cruelly and efficiently. <font style="background-color: yellow;">Again, here you have more analysis of the cruelty of animal breeding but nothing about the fact that we should be vegetarians because of it.</font>  

Some may argue that despite all arguments about humanity, raising animals for consumption is necessary for humans' survival. I must admit that they have a point: Animal meat is truly a unique source of complete proteins and vitamin B12, which are essential for muscle development and other bodily functions. However,<strike> I must insist that</strike> nowadays, our meat consumption is grossly excessive. Too much of a good thing is always a bad thing. And in this case, it leads to more cruelty towards animals, as well as the exploding (<font style="background-color: yellow;">awk</font>) of high blood pressure, obesity and cardiovascular diseases around the world.

With all the arguments presented above, I believe that the correct course of action we should take right now is to limit meat consumption<strike>s</strike> to the necessary level. It would help reduce unrestrained cruelty in the breeding business and improve the quality of our lives.

Note: my first essay, too long (347 words) and consumed too much time. Guess that's fine (for now) ^^

<font style="background-color: yellow;">Your grammar is excellent and you display lots of  advanced vocabulary but make sure you focus appropriately on the issue presented in the prompt.   Also, paragraphing must be very deliberate where each paragraph presents a separate, clear idea.</font> 

Why is this sentence sounds wired to me? Anything wrong or unnatural?

<font style="background-color: yellow;">The</font> Given bar chart provides <strike>a clear comparison</strike> <font style="background-color: yellow;">information</font> about <strike>how commonly the </strike> <font style="background-color: yellow;">the proportion of </font>Australian males and females in different age groups <font style="background-color: yellow;">who</font> exercised regularly in 2010.

Accommodation

The task :



You are going to study in a college in the UK next year. You would like to stay in a college Hall of Residence.
Write a letter to the college giving your accommodation requirements. You should outline what your room and food needs are and also ask what alternatives are available if they cannot provide what you want.

You should write at least 150 words.
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
You do NOT need to write your own address.

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Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to inquire <strike>information</strike> about accommodation in a college hall of <strike>the</strike> residence.


I <strike>want</strike> <font style="background-color: yellow;">would like</font> to stay in a college hall of <strike>the</strike> residence, <strike>I prefer</strike> <font style="background-color: yellow;">preferably in a room for</font> <strike>the resident hall to be for</strike> four men with single beds <font style="background-color: yellow;">,a</font> private closet, <font style="background-color: yellow;">and</font> table<font style="background-color: yellow;">s</font> with chairs.
<strike>
I don't have any problem with share bathroom and Kitchen </strike><font style="background-color: yellow;">.I do not mind sharing a bathroom and kitchen, however,</font>  I need in the kitchen <font style="background-color: yellow;">a</font> water heater to make <strike>cafe</strike> <font style="background-color: yellow;">coffee</font> and <font style="background-color: yellow;">a</font> microwave oven to heat sandwiches<strike>,.</strike> <font style="background-color: yellow;">If possible, please inform me</font> <strike>I want to know</strike> about types of food in the internal restaurant because I am vegetarian and I always <font style="background-color: yellow;">have difficulty finding</font> <strike>suffer to find</strike> suitable food.

<strike>I don't need</strike> Additionally, <font style="background-color: yellow;">I do not require a</font> land line phone but the internet and wi-fi services <strike>is</strike> <font style="background-color: yellow;">are</font> very important<font style="background-color: yellow;"> as they are necessary both for my studies</font> <strike>because I am going to use it in my studding</strike> and in my communication with my family.


Please inform me if there are places available in the college hall of residence which can provide <font style="background-color: yellow;">the</font> service<font style="background-color: yellow;">s </font>I mentioned above.
if this type of accommodation is not available now, I would be grateful if you could tell me what <strike>is </strike>the available options <font style="background-color: yellow;">are</font>.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Yours faithfully,
Hassan Ali