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(IELTS) Essay - Raising animals for consumption Assignment: People should never eat meat because raising animals for human consumption is cruel. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Some of us believe that we should not eat meat since it involves inhumane treatment to animals. I have to say that I only partially agree. The breeding business is undoubtedly horrendous. Nevertheless, from my perspective meat consumption should be limited, not prohibited. History of animal breeding has shown a tendency of prioritizing productivity over humanity, and there has been no legal requirement for implementing a humane code of conduct. However, it does not necessarily mean that animal product consumption must be avoided altogether. Similar to other fields of businesses, animal raisers' first and foremost concern is profitability. Apparently, treating animals humanely does not yield any monetary value. In reverse, cramming more animals into a narrow, confined space, or overfeeding them to the point of obesity leads to more profit, despite the discomfort from which billions of animals may suffer. Additionally, from the dawn of animal breeding until the modern day, the concerns about animals' welfare have never been translated into a law enforcement. In other words, humans can abuse animals as much as they want without any consequence. Thus, it is not surprising that together with the advance of technology, people find more and more ways to exploit animals, cruelly and efficiently. Some may argue that despite all arguments about humanity, raising animals for consumption is necessary for humans' survival. I must admit that they have a point: Animal meat is truly a unique source of complete proteins and vitamin B12, which are essential for muscle development and other bodily functions. However, I must insist that nowadays, our meat consumption is grossly excessive. Too much of a good thing is always a bad thing. And in this case, it leads to more cruelty towards animals, as well as the exploding of high blood pressure, obesity and cardiovascular diseases around the world. With all the arguments presented above, I believe that the correct course of action we should take right now is to limit meat consumptions to the necessary level. It would help reduce unrestrained cruelty in the breeding business and improve the quality of our lives. Note: my first essay, too long (347 words) and consumed too much time. Guess that's fine (for now) ^^

Corrections · 5

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(IELTS) Essay - Raising animals for consumption

Assignment: People should never eat meat because raising animals for human consumption is cruel. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some of us believe that we should not eat meat since it involves inhumane treatment to animals. I have to say that I only partially agree. The breeding business is undoubtedly horrendous. Nevertheless, from my perspective meat consumption should be limited, not prohibited. History of animal breeding has shown a tendency of prioritizing productivity over humanity, and there has been no legal requirement for implementing a humane code of conduct. However, it does not necessarily mean that animal product consumption must be avoided altogether.  You could have omitted the last 2 sentences of your introduction and it still would have been complete. This would have reduced your word count and saved time.  

Similar to other fields of businesses, animal raisers' first and foremost concern is profitability. Apparently, treating animals humanely does not yield any monetary value. In reverse, cramming more animals into a narrow, confined space, or overfeeding them to the point of obesity leads to more profit, despite the discomfort from which billions of animals may suffer.  What is the purpose of this paragraph?  What is the central idea?   You are clearly analyzing that raising animals for meat is cruel but what about the idea that we should NEVER eat meat because of it???.  

Additionally, from the dawn of animal breeding until the modern day, the concerns about animals' welfare have never been translated into legislation a law enforcement. In other words, humans can abuse animals as much as they want without any consequence. Thus, it is not surprising that together with the advance of technology, people find more and more ways to exploit animals, cruelly and efficiently. Again, here you have more analysis of the cruelty of animal breeding but nothing about the fact that we should be vegetarians because of it.  

Some may argue that despite all arguments about humanity, raising animals for consumption is necessary for humans' survival. I must admit that they have a point: Animal meat is truly a unique source of complete proteins and vitamin B12, which are essential for muscle development and other bodily functions. However, I must insist that nowadays, our meat consumption is grossly excessive. Too much of a good thing is always a bad thing. And in this case, it leads to more cruelty towards animals, as well as the exploding (awk) of high blood pressure, obesity and cardiovascular diseases around the world.

With all the arguments presented above, I believe that the correct course of action we should take right now is to limit meat consumptions to the necessary level. It would help reduce unrestrained cruelty in the breeding business and improve the quality of our lives.

Note: my first essay, too long (347 words) and consumed too much time. Guess that's fine (for now) ^^

Your grammar is excellent and you display lots of  advanced vocabulary but make sure you focus appropriately on the issue presented in the prompt.   Also, paragraphing must be very deliberate where each paragraph presents a separate, clear idea. 





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You can't partially agree or disagree either you have to agree completely or disagree!!!!

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