Rewriting "purple prose" Dear native speakers, the task was to rewrite some passages and "to express the intended meaning in the clearest fashion". Unfortunately, I cannot show the original text (way too wordy); here's the fruit of my pains) How does it look, to your mind? Feel free to correct/comment upon what doesn't seem natural to you. Thanks in advance! John Griffiths was fidgeting with his moustache like women fidget with their curls. He hated waiting, and now he had to wait. He had himself to blame, anyway. The Smithsons’ girls decided to go out, and he knightly offered to accompany them whenever they wanted. Stupid it was of him, indeed. As if he did not know how perfectly unreliable they were! Unreliable people do get on John’s nerves; besides, he knew too well these pretty careless creatures would let him down again. It was destined to be. John had even promised to drive the Smithsons’ girl home in Charles’ car, and where the hell this car w… A lorry swooshed by, its driver certainly eager to crush John’s feet. “Damn it all!”, yelled John silently. “For love nor money will I fall in this trap again! No woman, either young or old, will ever make me forget my principles. Had I not been such a chivalrous fool…”. At that very moment, he caught a sight of a car which looked strangely familiar. A rosary of the Smithsons’ girls was laughing inside. He was going to stop them whatever it took. These pink-cheeked young ladies could mock him for being late – it might not be allowed to happen! John tore along the street, as graceful as a young deer, dashing and unstoppable. His hat flew away and flopped in a gutter, and he did not have a second to stop and pick it up. “Time,” thought he, “if only I were on time! If only they saw me and recognized me!”. Luck favored John. He was noticed and greeted in the friendliest fashion ever. “Thank God”, thought the poor gasping runner. “If I had to rush on for another minute, I would probably faint”.

Too wordy Here is a sentense from my home task I am to correct. John Griffiths was waiting for Charles' car that he has promised to drive the Smithsons' girls home in. Did John promise to drive the girls home in Charles' car, or..? Please help to solve the riddle and alter the sentense.

Fragment consider revising Dear native speakers, any suggestions/corrections/comments, etc. on grammar, punctuation and vocabulary are most welcome. :) Mary has not come home yet. “Why?”, keeps he thinking, sitting in the empty dusky room, his anxiety growing with every minute. “Is she like other women?”. Nonsense, he interrupts himself. What does it actually mean, other women? He neither knows them nor cares what they might be like. All his thoughts are about Mary. She said she would be back to dinner, and still no sign of her! What did she have in mind? The servants know, perhaps; he should go and ask them, now. He hastily jumps on his feet, blind with unrest, stumbles over the chair, falls. What was that, a tap on the window? It must be Mary! He rushes to the door, swings it open… to see her disappear in the wood, slender figure against deepening shadows. The wood from where, apparently, she has just come. “Good god, what to do now?”, he cries in despair.

Punctuation challenge, help needed! Here's another mindboggling task of mine. A passage from "The Monster City: Defoe's London" by J. Lindsay (from which all punctuation was removed). I put some commas and the rest where felt to be correct, but the text needs your revision, dear native speakers, BADLY. Thanks in advance. That's how it looked: Fire was a great problem many towns still had thatched roofs and wooden chimneys as well as crowded conditions london with its new brick houses was less vulnerable but the danger was still acute some towns suffered again and again tiverton was burned down in 1598 1612 and 1731 and preparations for market day profaning the sabbath were blamed for the first two occasions london kept on having lesser fires after 1666 on march 2 1712 swift states I was waked at three this morning my man and the people of the house telling me of a great fire in the haymarket I slept again and two hours after my man came in again and told me it was my poor brother sir william wyndhams house burnt and that two maids leaping out of an upper room to avoid the fire both fell on their heads one of them upon the iron spikes before the door and both lay dead in the streets it is supposed to have been some carelessness of one or both those maids That's how I've corrected it: Fire was a great problem. Many towns still had thatched roofs and wooden chimneys as well as crowded conditions. London with its new brick houses was less vulnerable, but the danger was still acute. Some towns suffered again and again: Tiverton was burned down in 1598, 1612 and 173, and preparations for market day profaning the sabbath were blamed for the first two occasions. London kept on having lesser fires after 1666. “On March 2, 1712”, Swift states, “I was waked at three this morning, my man and the people of the house telling me of a great fire in the hay market. I slept again and two hours after my man came in again and told me: ‘It was my poor brother, sir’. William Wyndham’s house burnt, and that two maids leaping out of an upper room to avoid the fire both fell on their heads, one of them upon the iron spikes before the door, and both lay dead in the streets. It is supposed to have been some carelessness of one or both those maids”.

Writing numbers Here's the original sentence: ½ of the students study classics. Of these, 0.25% are girls. And my corrections: 1)Half of the students study classics. Of these, a quarter (of a) percent/point twenty-five percent are girls. 2)50% of the students study classics. Of these, 0.25% are girls. Which one seems better?

A quote inside a quote My task is to correct the following: 'As an incentive (-as if he needed any encouragement he thought to himself -) we are offering you early retirement in your 50's'. Probably, "'As an incentive ( 'As if he needed any encouragement', he thought to himself), we are offering you early retirement in your fifties". Honestly, still not sure about the piece in the brackets, and even the brackets as such. Looking forward to corrections and suggestions.

Subordinate clause or not? The little girl who was normally desperately shy put up her hand. - The little girl, who was normally desperately shy, put up her hand. A bit confused about commas here, should I use them or not. My gut feeling says both variants are possible depending on the context, but I'd be glad to hear a native speaker's opinion. Thanks in advance.

Seoul. Night. McDonald's. Mystery. I was said to "write a piece of simple narrative prose describing a recent incident or event that you have observed". Here's the result, looking forward to your corrections. :) A couple of weeks ago I found myself in a McDonalds somewhere in downtown Seoul, talking about politics and poetry with a friend of mine over a paper glass of coffee. It was getting on for midnight. We were the only visitors in the empty hall with plastic chairs and lemon-yellow graffitied walls. From time to time one of us said, “It’s getting late, let’s catch a taxi”, but the other one didn’t move; the talk went on and on, flavored with bitter coffee. Suddenly I noticed my friend squinting near-sightedly at something behind my back. - What hap… - Look, over there, in the corner. We were not alone. Our companion, middle-aged Korean dressed in black, placed his elbows on a tiny plastic table, resting his chin on them. He was awake, and yet didn’t move and didn’t pay the slightest attention to our presence, looking at an invisible point on the wall with unseeing eyes. Scarcely did I get surprised as another midnight visitor entered the hall. Dark-skinned Indian teenager, he sat at another table, closer to us, placed his elbows on it and pulled the hood over his face. - A pretty kettle of fish, - my friend whispered. – I’m… well, not even surprised, in Britain, we call it flabbergasted. Looks like these fellas come to McDonald's to confess. They belong to a secret order, perhaps. Jokes apart, the scene was odd, and as soon as the third “confessor” appeared, we stood up, twisted scarves around our necks and left… to find two more downstairs. “Love the world you live in”, read big black letters on the wall. Under this motto, a girl was sitting, her face buried in hands, straight black hair hanging down her back. She was crying, skinny shoulders shaking under the blue dress. The door flung opened, a young man came in and sat opposite her without saying a word, reached out and stroked her hair. Who were they, a brother and a sister, friends, lovers, or just two strangers, just a chance encounter in the heart of a sleepless Asian metropolis? Why was she crying? Who were others, lonely and silent, what were they thinking, what were they hiding from within these yellow walls? So we stood there for a while, shyness and language barrier lied between us two and the others, and then left as quietly as we could. The night mystery remained unsolved, and so it will remain.

Except he failed all his exams, he was no fool. Corrections? Several ways to change the sentence are, to my mind: 1. Despite the fact that he failed all his exams... 2. In spite of the fact he failed all his exams... 3. Even though he failed all his exams... 4. Even as he failed all his exams... 5. Although he failed all his exams... 6. He failed all his exams, and yet/still he was no fool. Which of the alternative versions sound more natural to you? Besides, wonder if it's possible to say, "Except that he failed all his exams..."