writing task 1. Cambridge 14. describing a map
These two maps illustrate how a park site which has developed since 1920. Overall, the park has been modernized as extensive developments with regards to new construction of recreational facilities for adults and children has built. All the original parts except a rose garden, has demolished and new decoration change the park layout significantly.
In 1920, a fountain was located in the center of the park which was replace with a large rose garden which is surrounded with four seating area. In the left side a stage for music performances was demolished in order to construction of a large and modern amphitheater place. Moreover, In the top right hand corner, a pond and a rose garden is observed which turn into a playground area for children and a café. in the opposite side, a Glasshouse next to southern entrance has been replaced with a water feature. Furthermore, in order to access underground parking lot, the seats have been eliminated.
In the top left hand corner has not changed considerably just two seating area around rose garden has been removed while in the bottom the rose garden and seating area have been removed to have enough space for amphitheater.
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writing task 1. Cambridge 14. describing a map
These two maps illustrate how a park site which has developed since 1920. Overall, the park has been modernized as extensive developments with regards to new construction of recreational facilities for adults and children hashave been built. All (of its) the original parts except but for a rose garden, has were demolished and new decoration change(s) have also played a part in improving the park layout of the park significantly.
In 1920, a fountain was located in the center of the park which was (later) replace(d) with a large rose garden(.) which This garden is surrounded with by four seating area(s). In(on) the left side (there used to be) a stage for music performances (which) was demolished in order to construction allow room for a large and modern amphitheater. Moreover (Another noticeable change) concerns a pond (are you sure this is the word you mean? isn't it fountain?) and another rose garden which have been turned into a playground area for children and a café In(on) the top right hand corner. in the opposite side, a Glasshouse (do you mean greenhouse?) next to (the) southern entrance has been replaced with a water feature (fountain? water feature sounds too vague. Besides, repeating water fountain wouldn't be good.). Furthermore, in order to (grant) access (to) underground parking lots, the seats (all of them, or some? you have to specify the type of seat oyou're talking about) have been eliminated.
Hey, this composition was fine! I think you can do better, but this is definetely the way. What is the test you are aiming for? Now, I'll write some notes on what could have been better.
Overall, your main problem is the lack of consistency when it comes to the use of the passive voice.
Another thing to be stated is that, even though no specific time has been mentioned, because we're dealing with an English Exam (not an American one), it might be better to go about this story using the past simple and its variants instead of the present perfect.
When it comes to the structure of your text, it was one huge block, with no divisions, which makes it a bit hard to read. It would be nice if you could organise it according to topics. What I did was leave one paragraph to the overall changes, and another one for the details.
Regarding your vocabulary, there was too much repetition. Try to go for synonyms as much as possible. Whenever in doubt about a collocoational preposition (in the left x on the left), google it and take notes. You could say something is in your left pocket, but I believe "in the left side of the park" might be weird, unless it were buried.
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writing task 1. Cambridge 14. describing a map
These two maps illustrate how a park site has developed since 1920. Overall, the park has been modernized with extensive developments including the construction of recreational facilities for adults and children. All the original parts, except a rose garden, has been demolished. The new decoration has change the park layout significantly.
In 1920, there was a fountain located in the center of the park which was replaced with a large rose garden surrounded by four seating areas. On the left side, a stage for music performances was demolished to construct a large and modern amphitheater place. On the top right hand corner, there was a pond and a rose garden which has turned into a playground area for children and a café. On the opposite side, a Glasshouse next to southern entrance has been replaced with a water feature. Also, in order to access the underground parking lot, seats have been removed.
On the top left hand corner, not much has changed considerably. Two seating areas around the rose garden have been removed, while at the bottom, the rose garden and seating area have been removed to make enough space for amphitheater.
Overall it was good! Mostly I just removed some words as it can come across too 'wordy' and they are not needed. Hope this helps!
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Writing task 1. Cambridge 14. describing a map
These two maps illustrate how a park site which has developed since 1920. Overall, the park has been modernized, as extensive developments with regards to the new construction of recreational facilities for adults and children has have been built. All of the original parts except for a rose garden, has have been demolished and the new decoration has changed the park's layout significantly.
In 1920, a fountain was located in the center of the park, which was has now been replaced with a large rose garden which is surrounded with by four seating areas. On the left side, a stage for music performances was demolished in order to for the construction of a large and modern amphitheater place. Moreover, in the top right hand corner, a pond and a rose garden is observed which have been turned into a playground area for children and a café. On the opposite side, a Glasshouse greenhouse next to the southern entrance has been replaced with a water feature. Furthermore, in order to access the underground parking lot, the seats have been eliminated removed.
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thanks for your help in advance, i really need your help
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