First notebook entry: Introducing myself

I am vivian, 24 years old now. from HunNan proviness.

I have worked about 4 years, which acted as a business sales. In my daily work, i need to use English to write email & talk business quite ofen. But i think i have to improve my oral English, So i want to find some friends to chat, we could talk our daily life, our work, our hometown, etc.

Hi Vivian, below is my version looking at your note, please do tell how is it. Thank you.

I have been working for 4 years now in business sales. In my daily activities, I need to use English quite often to write an email and also using it for business discussion. But I think I have to improve my English conversation, so I would like to find some friends who can chat with me, we can talk about our daily life, our work, our hometown, etc.

First notebook entry: Introducing myself

Hello All, my name is Yoga. I live in Cilegon, Indonesia. I want to be good in english, speaking, reading, writing and listening. I want to get good in TOEFL score. Because i want to study at overseas. I want to around to other interesting place in the world. And Engllish as an international language is an important requirement..

I'm not correcting, but below is my version looking at your note.

Hello All, my name is Yoga. I live in Cilegon, Indonesia. I want myself to be good in English, either it's speaking, reading, writing and listening. I want to get a good TOEFL score, because I want to study overseas. I want to travel to an interesting place around the world, and as an important requirement for International language, English is a must.

First notebook entry: Introducing myself

Hello, my name is Olyvia. I'm learning English because I want to be able to speak fluently and making friends with everyone. My native language is Bahasa Indonesia and I grew up in Indonesia, I enjoy swimming, travelling, chatting, eating and especially shopping.... ;)

The basic of learning the language is how can we understand others, from this point we can start pick up some attention for tenses, punctuality, and style. Above is my correction based on what I learned, what do you think ?