Could you correct my English?
I am studying English for TOEFL ibt. I would like to find someone who can correct my English.
Questions
Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a long time. Which of these situations do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
Answer
In my opinion, I prefer to live alone. I have a few reasons.
First, I can learn how important money is. When we live with parents at home, most of the time they <s>parents</s> pay money for housing, water and gas and they <s>Parents pay them to </s>work hard every day to pay for them. Children don’t care about it because they think it is natural that parents provide for <s>pay</s> them. But they get to know about the value of money when they live alone because there are no people <s>who </s> to look after <s>pays for</s> them. Then they realize the value of money, water, gas and so on. In my case, I have had a part time job and earned money to pay for my apartment fee since I lived alone.
Second, I can gain a lot of skills which I can’t <s>get</s> at my parents’ home. For example, I was not good at cooking before I lived by myself, but I decided to move to another prefecture to go to university and <s>so that I</s> started to live at the apartment by myself. I didn’t have anyone <s>who</s> to help me at my <s>the</s> new place. I <s>was</s> had a hard time <s>for me to</s> adapting to the <s>suit for</s> new life. However I am able to do laundry, cooking, driving and so on. I am sure that people can do most of the things when they face the situation that they must solve by themselves.
Third, I have a responsibility for everything I do. Children tend to depend on their parents when staying <s>during stay</s> at their parent’s home. Although existence of parents is important and essential for them, sometimes it <s>bothers</s> can hinder the growth of their children. So it is a good time for both parents and their children to cheer their growth <s>up</s> and be ready for future life.
That is why I think that I want independence from my parents if I have a chance<s> to do it.</s>
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Feel free to ask if you have any doubts.
