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- --->>The Puppy squealed and <s>rushed to run</s> ran [away?]. The Bee followed him! She flew and buzzed:"Bz-z-z-sting! Bz-z-z-sting!"The Puppy ran up to the pond - and jumped into the water! [To denote no hesitation or slowing down, which I think the story implies here, we would probably used the phrase "jumped straight into the water."]When he popped up the Bee <s>wasn't there already</s> had already left.And in that moment someone said again: ["In that moment" again.]"Meow!""Did you say 'meow?'" - the Puppy asked the Fish swimming by him.The Fish <s>answered nothing</s> did not reply, she <s>waved</s> swished her tail and disappeared in the depths of the pond."Croak-croak-croak!" laughed the Frog sitting on <s>the leaf of the waterlily</s> a lily pad. "Don't you know that fish<s>es</s> can't speak?" [We have a particular word for the leaf of a water lily, "pad."]"Maybe <s>this is</s> it was you who said 'meow?'" the Puppy asked the Frog."Croak-croak-croak! You are so silly! Frogs can only croak!" [Can only croak, or "go ribbit" if you don't want to be repetitive with his laughter.]And she jumped into the water.The Puppy <s>came</s> went home. <s>, h</s> He was sopping wet and his nose was swollen. [Split the sentences to avoid a run-on.]<s>In sorrow</s> Sorrowfully/Sad, he laid down on his rug near the couch. And suddenly he heard: ["Sorrowfully" is a big word for a kids' story, I think just saying "Sad, he laid down" is best.]"Meow!!!"He jumped up and saw the fluffy striped Cat sitting on the windowsill."Meow!" said the Cat."Bow-<s>v</s>wow-<s>v</s>wow! - the Puppy yelped... [Instead of "bow wow wow" I like "arf arf arf" which more closely matches the original ав ав ав, I think.]...then he remembered how the shaggy Dog snarled and he snarled too: [Snarled, or is it better to say growled?]- R-r-r-r! [Up to you if you want the puppy to have a lighter sound to his growl. Without the "G" at the beginning it's a lighter growl like a puppy would have, the dog had a "grrr" to indicate the deep chested growl.]The Cat <s>curved</s> arched its back and hissed: "<s>Ch-ch-ch</s> Sssssss!", fuffed: "Fuff-fuff!" and jumped out outside <s>in</s> through the window.The Puppy went back to <s>on</s> his rug and laid down to sleep. Now he knew who <s>did say</s> said "meow."0 votedFebruary 15, 20200
- Tales by Vladimir Suteev. Who <s>did say</s> Said "Meow"?<s>The </s>Puppy was sleeping on <s>the</s> a rug near the couch. [Since Puppy is going to be his name for the story, no "the" needed. Also, the rug could be any rug, it's not a particular rug which is important to the story, so it's "a rug."]Half-asleep he suddenly heard someone <s>said</s> say: [Half-asleep is hyphenated, and we would put "suddenly" between "he heard."]- Meow!Puppy raised his head and looked around - nobody was there! [Instead of the comma, in English we would say "and" if it was all one action or "then" if it was two actions, I think the comma (perfectly acceptable in Russian) ends up being bad grammar here in English. Also, while not technically wrong, "there was nobody" doesn't flow well for a native speaker.]"<s>This</s> It was in my dream, probably," he thought and laid down more <s>comfy</s> comfortably. [Note commas.]In that moment someone said again: [We've talked about и тут, I am still not quite comfortable with the translation "in that moment"... did it happen exactly at the same time as he was thinking about his dream, and if so is that important to the story? If the answer to either of those is no, I think "The someone said" is a more natural translation.]"Meow!""Who is there?"The Puppy jumped up<s>, run</s> and ran around the room.<s>,</s> He peeked under the bed, then under the table - nobody! [In Russian it's OK to chain together sentences with comma, less acceptable in English.]He climbed up on the windowsill and spotted <s>the Cock</s> Rooster walking in the courtyard outside. [You already know why I'm changing this. :) ]"<s>This</s> That is who interrupted my sleep!" Thought Puppy and he ran outside to the Rooster."Was that you who said 'meow'?" Puppy asked the Rooster."No, I always say..." the Rooster flapped his wings and <s>crew</s> crowed: "Cock-a-doodle-doo!""And is that all you can say?" asked Puppy."Yes, only 'cock-a-doodle-doo.'" answered the Rooster.The Puppy scratched his ear with his back paw and went home...Suddenly right near the porch someone said: ["right near" sounds slightly off, I think either "right by" or just "near".]"Meow!""It's here!" The Puppy said to himself and began digging under the porch with <s>his</s> all four legs. [In English we'd know the legs are his, but normally a dog digs with just the front paws, so we'd emphasize that he didn't leave one of his legs out by saying "all four."]When he <s>digged</s> had dug <s>the</s> a large pit <s>the</s> a small grey Mouse jumped out of <s>there</s> it."Did you say 'meow?'" - <s>strictly asked him the Puppy</s> the Puppy asked him sternly/harshly. ["strictly" is usually used to indicate someone who expects the rules to be followed, not quite right here... "sternly" means "I expect to be answered and won't tolerate disobedience" or "harshly" means "with his anger showing," one of those might be a better pick.][Below, "А кто так сказал?" is difficult to translate properly here. "Who did say so?" sounds like "Who accused me of saying it?" which isn't the intent of the original. I think some artistic license is necessary with this sentence and the next is needed to get the intent across, like so...]"Eee! Eee!" the Mouse squeaked. <s>- Who did say so?</s> "Where's the one who said meow?"<s>- Someone said "meow"...</s> "He's around here somewhere...""Nearby?" the Mouse <s>started worrying</s> worried."Right here, very close," the Puppy said."I'm scared! Eee-eee!" the Mouse squeaked and scuttled under the porch.The Puppy <s>has wondered</s> pondered. [To wonder is to be curious about something, to ponder is to think hard.]In that moment someone said loudly near the doghouse: [Rearranged slightly. I think this order feels better because we tend to order them in the sentence based on what happened first. Too much to write here, but could make for an interesting discussion if you want to learn more.]"Meow!"The Puppy ran around the doghouse three times, but he found nobody. Someone moved in the doghouse..."Here he is!" the Puppy said to himself. "Now I will catch him..." He crept closer...<s>The</s> A huge shaggy Dog <s>came jumping</s> jumped out <s>to</s> at him. ["to him" isn't wrong, but it doesn't feel natural... it sounds like Dog is joining him rather than targeting him. "at him" shows that he'st he target of the jump, or at least the focus of it.]"Grrrrr..." the Dog growled."I... I <s>would</s> want to know...""Grrrrr!""<s>Is that</s> Was it you who said 'meow?'" mumbled the Puppy, putting his little tail between his legs."Me?! <s>Do you mock</s> Are you mocking me, pup?!" ["mocking" isn't a word used much in conversation, "making fun of me" is better.]The Puppy went running into the garden and hid under a bush.And in that moment, right above his ear, someone said: ["In that moment" again.]"Meow!"The Puppy looked out from under the bush. Right before him the furry Bee <s>had</s> sat on <s>the</s> a flower."This is who said 'meow!'" the Puppy thought and wanted to snap her with his teeth."Bz-z-z!" the offended Bee buzzed and stung him painfully on the tip of his nose.---->>0 votedFebruary 15, 20202
- Tales by Vladimir Suteev. The Little Boat (Titles need capitalization.)Frogling, Chicken, Mouse, Ant and Bug went for a walk. They came to the river."Let's go <s>bathing</s> swimming!" Frogling said and jumped into the water. (Bathing in English implies the use of soap.)"We cannot swim," Chicken, Mouse, Ant and Bug said."Ribbitee-hee! Ribbitee-hee!" Frogling burst<s>ed</s> out laughing. "You're useless!" - and he started <s>nicker</s> to guffaw so hard that he nearly drowned. (Burst is already past tense, no need for -ed suffix, it's tricky! I've only the heard the word "nicker" in association with the sound horses make, if you're looking for a big belly laugh "guffaw" or a synonym is a better choice. Whichever laugh you choose, it needs to have "to" in front of it, "he started to".)Chicken, Mouse, Ant and Bug <s>got</s> were insulted. (Instead of insulted, offended might be a better word choice... but since I can't put my finger on why so I didn't change your sentence. I think it's because being insulted may or may not lead to being offended, but if you're offended you're likely to do something about it.)They began to think. They was thinking and thinking and thought up... ("They thought and thought" is better here. I'm not sure why past tense is used rather than present tense to match the previous sentence, I'm not sure but I think it's because the conclusion to their thinking happens in the sentence, so the whole sentence has to be in the past. "They were thinking and thinking when they were interrupted by..." is fine since they were in the act of thinking when the interruption occurs, but "They thought and thought and came up with a plan." is correct here since by the end of the sentence they are done thinking. Also, this sentence in English feels like it is hanging, missing an explanation of what they thought up. An idea? A plan?)Chicken went and got a leaf. ("Got" is OK in speech but, if it isn't technically poor grammar, it sure sounds like it. Brought, found, retrieved, those would be better words.)Mouse brought <s>the</s> a walnut shell. (Articles again! Here it could be any old walnut shell, so we use "a".)Ant dragged a straw. (Good job on the article here!)And Bug brought a rope.Then they began their work: they stuck <s>a</s> the straw in the walnut shell, attached <s>a</s> the leaf with <s>a</s> the rope and built a boat! (Since each of these items have been retrieved, it isn't any old straw or leaf, it is the one in their hands. Paws. :) Whatever.)They pushed the boat into the water, boarded it and <s>have</s> sailed off! (I can't remember the name of the "have [verb]", past perfect? Anyway, it's not needed here, and we need a direction for them to sail into otherwise the sentence leads the reader into believing that the next sentence occurs before they've managed to get any distance.)Frogling stuck his head out of water <s>for laughing</s> to laugh a bit more, but the boat <s>has</s> had sailed far away...Can't catch it! (Hm. What about "And he would never catch it!")КорабликПошли гулять Лягушонок, Цыплёнок, Мышонок, Муравей и Жучок. Пришли на речку.- Давайте купаться! - сказал Лягушонок и прыгнул в воду.- Мы не умеем плавать, - сказали Цыплёнок, Мышонок, Муравей и Жучок.- Ква-ха-ха! Ква-ха-ха! - засмеялся Лягушонок. - Куда же вы годитесь! - И так стал хохотать - чуть было не захлебнулся.Обиделись Цыплёнок, Мышонок, Муравей и Жучок. Стали думать. Думали-думали и придумали.Пошёл Цыплёнок и принёс листочек.Мышонок - ореховую скорлупку.Муравей соломинку притащил.А Жучок - верёвочку.И пошла работа: в скорлупку соломинку воткнули, листок верёвочкой привязали - и построили кораблик!Столкнули кораблик в воду.Сели на него и поплыли!Лягушонок голову из воды высунул, хотел еще посмеяться, а кораблик уже далеко уплыл...И не догонишь!0 votedFebruary 3, 20200
- Pleased to meet you. I'm new to this so I'm not sure how the correction feature works, and my Russian is not very good - I've been trying to learn for about a year but do not know any native speakers so it has been slow-going. Pretty much everything I attempt to read ends up being double-checked in Google Translate, to give you an idea where my (paltry) skill level is. My English is above normal for native speakers, however, so I hope you're willing to do a little bit of knowledge exchange. My side notes within the story are in [brackets].Before I begin: Since prepositions (the, a, an) do not exist in Russian, I can see you're having some trouble. Using "a" implies there is a generic one of something, e.g. "a girl" means some unspecified or unknown young female, "a practice" means an instance of sitting down and practicing. Using "the" implies that the person knows about the item/person in question, so after introducing "a girl" in the story we would then use "the girl" to refer to her since she's now known to the reader. We would only use "a girl" again to introduce a second young female character to the story later, since that second girl would be unknown to us. Below, pay particular attention to the first time the girl and cat (and even the chimney) are introduced with "a" and thereafter are referred to with "the".Also, in English we use "double quotes" to denote speaking. That will probably take some getting used to. :)Tales by Vladimir Suteev. The Petulant Cat [Titles are always capitalized in English.]I translated this little tale by myself. This is the eighth story from the storybook that I'm going to translate as practice. Any corrections are very welcome :)A girl had sat and drawn pictures.Suddenly a tabby cat came and started to watch what the girl did."What are you doing?" asked the curious cat."I'm drawing a house for you," said the girl. "Look: here is a roof, here is a chimney, and this is a door.""But what will I do there?""You will fire a stove and cook porridge." [Only one "will" needed, it's implied for the second action. Having a second one sounds awkward to a native speaker.]And the girl drew the smoke pouring from the chimney."But where is the window? Because cats jump through windows!" [This "the" appears to ignore the rule I mentioned above. It does so because the cat is looking for a specific instance of a window and cannot find it.]"Here are windows for you. One, two, three, four..." said the girl and drew four windows."But where will I walk?""Right here."The girl drew a fence around the house."That will be a garden," she said.The cat looked and huffed. [I'm not sure what was meant by "fuff", but I think "huff" works here as an annoyed exhalation. Google Translate says "snorted" which is usually derisive rather than annoyed, you could go either way.]"What kind of garden is that?! There is nothing!" ["What kind of (something) is that?" is a common expression for saying the thing you're looking at is entirely inadequate for what it is supposed to be.]"Wait a minute," said the girl. "Here is the flowerbed for you, here is an apple tree with apples, and here are the beds of vegetables: carrots grow here and cabbages grow there.""Cabbages?" The cat grimaced. "But where will I fish?" [I learned something here. "Wry" is usually mocking or sarcastic, while "a wry face" is apparently a grimace. I had no idea, I only knew the first definition. For this reason I'd go with just plain "grimace" here as more English speakers will understand it.]"Right here..."And the girl drew a pond with fish inside. ["Fishes" is archaic (i.e. Bible times); even when referring to multiple breeds of fish the common usage today is just "fish." This is one of those weird words in English where a mass of something is referred to like a single one of that something, similar to how English handles the word "rice" - a grain of rice or a plate of rice, a fish on a plate or several fish in a net.]"That is good... and will birds live there?" Asked the curious cat. "I like birds.""They will. Here is a hen for you, here is a rooster, here is a goose and here are three chickens."In that moment a cat licked her lips, purred and asked very quietly:"Well... will mice live there... in the house?" [I'm still having trouble with the order of там with other words in the sentence, makes sense that you put "there" in the wrong spot.]"No, they will not.""But who will guard my house?""It will be guarded by..." the girl drew a doghouse. "Will be guarded by this Bobik!"The cat's tail and hair stood on end for some reason. [I think "the cat pulled/yanked her tail" must be a Russian saying? I'm quite amused by it. But we don't have an equivalent in English.]"I don't like your house," the cat said. "I don't want to live there!"And she walked away like she was offended.What a petulant cat!0 votedDecember 26, 20190

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