Tales by Vladimir Suteev. Who did say "Meow"?
I translated this little tale by myself. This is the fourth story from the storybook that I'm going to translate as a practice. Any corrections are very welcome :)
The Puppy was sleeping on the rug near the couch.
Half asleep he heard suddenly someone said:
- Meow!
The Puppy raised his head, looked around - there was nobody!
"This was in my dream probably" - he thought and laid down more comfy.
In that moment someone said again:
- Meow!
- Who is there?
The Puppy jumped up, run around the room, he looked under the bed, then under the table - nobody!
He climbed up on the windowsill and spotted the Cock walking in the courtyard outside.
"This is who interrupted my sleep! - thought the Puppy and ran outside to the Cock.
- Was that you who said "meow"? the Puppy asked the Cock.
- No, I always say... - the Cock flapped his wings and crew: - Cock-a-doodle-doo!
- And is that all you can say? - asked the Puppy.
- Yes, only "cock-a-doodle-doo". - answered the Cock.
The Puppy scratched his ear with his back paw and went home...
Suddenly right near the porch someone said:
- Meow!
- It's here! - the Puppy said to himself and began digging under the porch with his four legs.
When he digged the large pit the small grey Mouse jumped out of there.
- Did you say "meow"? - strictly asked him the Puppy.
- Squeak-squeak! - the Mouse squeaked. - Who did say so?
- Someone said "meow"...
- Near? - the Mouse started worrying.
- Right here, very close, - the Puppy said.
- I'm scared! Squeak-squeak! - the Mouse squeaked and scuttled under the porch.
The Puppy has wondered.
In that moment near the doghouse someone said loudly:
- Meow!
The Puppy ran around the doghouse three times, but he found nobody. Someone moved in the doghouse...
"Here he is! - the Puppy said to himself. - Now I catch him..." He crept closer...
The huge shaggy Dog came jumping out to him.
- R-r-r-r... - the Dog growled.
- I... I would want to know...
- R-r-r-r!
- Is that you who said "meow"? - mumbled the Puppy putting his little tail between his legs.
- Me?! Do you mock me, pup?!
The Puppy went running in the garden and hid under a bush.
And in that moment right above his ear someone said:
- Meow!
The Puppy looked out from under the bush. Right before him the furry Bee had sat on the flower.
"This is who said "meow"!" the Puppy thought and wanted to snap her with his teeth.
- Bz-z-z! - the offended Bee buzzed stung him painfully on the tip of his nose.
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Corrections · 5
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Tales by Vladimir Suteev. Who did say Said "Meow"?
Half-asleep he suddenly heard someone said say: [Half-asleep is hyphenated, and we would put "suddenly" between "he heard."]
- Meow!
Puppy raised his head and looked around - nobody was there! [Instead of the comma, in English we would say "and" if it was all one action or "then" if it was two actions, I think the comma (perfectly acceptable in Russian) ends up being bad grammar here in English. Also, while not technically wrong, "there was nobody" doesn't flow well for a native speaker.]
"This It was in my dream, probably," he thought and laid down more comfy comfortably. [Note commas.]
In that moment someone said again: [We've talked about и тут, I am still not quite comfortable with the translation "in that moment"... did it happen exactly at the same time as he was thinking about his dream, and if so is that important to the story? If the answer to either of those is no, I think "The someone said" is a more natural translation.]
"Meow!"
"Who is there?"
The Puppy jumped up, run and ran around the room., He peeked under the bed, then under the table - nobody! [In Russian it's OK to chain together sentences with comma, less acceptable in English.]
He climbed up on the windowsill and spotted the Cock Rooster walking in the courtyard outside. [You already know why I'm changing this. :) ]
"This That is who interrupted my sleep!" Thought Puppy and he ran outside to the Rooster.
"Was that you who said 'meow'?" Puppy asked the Rooster.
"No, I always say..." the Rooster flapped his wings and crew crowed: "Cock-a-doodle-doo!"
"And is that all you can say?" asked Puppy.
"Yes, only 'cock-a-doodle-doo.'" answered the Rooster.
The Puppy scratched his ear with his back paw and went home...
Suddenly right near the porch someone said: ["right near" sounds slightly off, I think either "right by" or just "near".]
"Meow!"
"It's here!" The Puppy said to himself and began digging under the porch with his all four legs. [In English we'd know the legs are his, but normally a dog digs with just the front paws, so we'd emphasize that he didn't leave one of his legs out by saying "all four."]
When he digged had dug the a large pit the a small grey Mouse jumped out of there it.
"Did you say 'meow?'" - strictly asked him the Puppy the Puppy asked him sternly/harshly. ["strictly" is usually used to indicate someone who expects the rules to be followed, not quite right here... "sternly" means "I expect to be answered and won't tolerate disobedience" or "harshly" means "with his anger showing," one of those might be a better pick.]
[Below, "А кто так сказал?" is difficult to translate properly here. "Who did say so?" sounds like "Who accused me of saying it?" which isn't the intent of the original. I think some artistic license is necessary with this sentence and the next is needed to get the intent across, like so...]
"Eee! Eee!" the Mouse squeaked. - Who did say so? "Where's the one who said meow?"
"Nearby?" the Mouse started worrying worried.
"Right here, very close," the Puppy said.
"I'm scared! Eee-eee!" the Mouse squeaked and scuttled under the porch.
The Puppy has wondered pondered. [To wonder is to be curious about something, to ponder is to think hard.]
In that moment someone said loudly near the doghouse: [Rearranged slightly. I think this order feels better because we tend to order them in the sentence based on what happened first. Too much to write here, but could make for an interesting discussion if you want to learn more.]
"Meow!"
The Puppy ran around the doghouse three times, but he found nobody. Someone moved in the doghouse...
"Here he is!" the Puppy said to himself. "Now I will catch him..." He crept closer...
"Grrrrr..." the Dog growled.
"I... I would want to know..."
"Grrrrr!"
"Is that Was it you who said 'meow?'" mumbled the Puppy, putting his little tail between his legs.
"Me?! Do you mock Are you mocking me, pup?!" ["mocking" isn't a word used much in conversation, "making fun of me" is better.]
The Puppy went running into the garden and hid under a bush.
And in that moment, right above his ear, someone said: ["In that moment" again.]
"Meow!"
The Puppy looked out from under the bush. Right before him the furry Bee had sat on the a flower.
"This is who said 'meow!'" the Puppy thought and wanted to snap her with his teeth.
"Bz-z-z!" the offended Bee buzzed and stung him painfully on the tip of his nose.
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The Puppy squealed and rushed to run ran [away?]. The Bee followed him! She flew and buzzed:
"Bz-z-z-sting! Bz-z-z-sting!"
The Puppy ran up to the pond - and jumped into the water! [To denote no hesitation or slowing down, which I think the story implies here, we would probably used the phrase "jumped straight into the water."]
When he popped up the Bee wasn't there already had already left.
And in that moment someone said again: ["In that moment" again.]
"Meow!"
"Did you say 'meow?'" - the Puppy asked the Fish swimming by him.
The Fish answered nothing did not reply, she waved swished her tail and disappeared in the depths of the pond.
"Croak-croak-croak!" laughed the Frog sitting on the leaf of the waterlily a lily pad. "Don't you know that fishes can't speak?" [We have a particular word for the leaf of a water lily, "pad."]
"Maybe this is it was you who said 'meow?'" the Puppy asked the Frog.
"Croak-croak-croak! You are so silly! Frogs can only croak!" [Can only croak, or "go ribbit" if you don't want to be repetitive with his laughter.]
And she jumped into the water.
The Puppy came went home. , h He was sopping wet and his nose was swollen. [Split the sentences to avoid a run-on.]
"Meow!!!"
He jumped up and saw the fluffy striped Cat sitting on the windowsill.
"Meow!" said the Cat.
"Bow-vwow-vwow! - the Puppy yelped... [Instead of "bow wow wow" I like "arf arf arf" which more closely matches the original ав ав ав, I think.]
...then he remembered how the shaggy Dog snarled and he snarled too: [Snarled, or is it better to say growled?]
- R-r-r-r! [Up to you if you want the puppy to have a lighter sound to his growl. Without the "G" at the beginning it's a lighter growl like a puppy would have, the dog had a "grrr" to indicate the deep chested growl.]
The Cat curved arched its back and hissed: "Ch-ch-ch Sssssss!", fuffed: "Fuff-fuff!" and jumped out outside in through the window.
The Puppy went back to on his rug and laid down to sleep. Now he knew who did say said "meow."
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The Puppy squealed and rushed to run. The Bee followed him! She flew and buzzed:
- Z-z-z-sting! Z-z-z-sting!
The Puppy ran up to the pond and jumped into the water!
When he popped up the Bee wasn't there already.
And in that moment someone said again:
- Meow!
- Did you say "meow"? - the Puppy asked the Fish swimming by him.
The Fish answered nothing, waved her tail and disappeared in the depth of the pond.
- Quack-quack-quack! - laughed the Frog sitting on the leaf of the waterlily. - Don't you know that fishes can't speak?
- Mabe this is you who said "meow"? - the Puppy asked the Frog.
- Quack-quack-quack! - you are so silly! Frogs can croak only!
And she jumped into the water.
The Puppy came home, he was sopping and his nose was swollen.
In sorrow he laid down on his rug near the couch. And suddenly he heard:
- Meow!!!
He jumped up and saw the fluffy striped Cat sitting on the windowsill.
- Meow! - said the Cat.
- Bow-vow-vow! - the Puppy yelped...
...then he remembered how the shaggy Dog snarled and he snarled too:
- R-r-r-r!
The Cat curved and hissed: "Ch-ch-ch!", fuffed: "Fuff-fuff!" and jumped out outside in the window.
The Puppy back on his rug and laid down to sleep. Now he knew who did say "meow".
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