IELTS essay I will be grateful if someone can correct my essay

Can art still be an indispensable part of daily life under the pressure exerted by scientific subjects?

Some people argue that it is barely necessary for juveniles to study art courses. But I do believe that the advantages of art largely outweigh the drawbacks.

Firstly, without art subjects, the development of creativity would be impacted significantly. The aim of art subjects is to culture students to express their thoughts and feelings appropriately in the form of painting, music and drama which are the products of imagination and creativity.

In addition, learning art subjects is beneficial because it teaches perseverance due to the long time it takes for persons to complete a production, especially in the painting field where attention to detail needs a patient heart and mind.

Some believe that art courses are a waste of time in comparison with scientific subjects. However, this idea is flawed as it ignores the fact that studying art subjects also helps people obtain better achievement in all academic areas by enhancing one's creativity, improving mental, emotional and psychological development as well as promoting problem-solving skills. also, the habit of focusing on what we are doing can be trained by studying art, which could improve study efficiency. 

In conclusion, I believe that we should not abandon the art discipline and only study the science discipline. A full combination of the two is required for the successful development of students.