Search from various English teachers...
China flaglance He
IELTS essay i will be thankful for someone correct my essay Whether art could still be an indispensable part of daily life under the pressure exerted by scientific subjects. Some people argue that it is barely necessary for juvenile to study art courses. But, I do believe that the advantages of art largely outweigh the drawbacks. Without art subjects, the development of creativity would be impacted significantly. The aim of art subjects is to culture students to express their thoughts and feelings appropriately by the form of painting, music and drama, which are the product of imagination and creativity. In addition, learning art subjects benefits the train of perseverance as it will take a long time for people to complete a production, especially in painting field where lots of details need a patient heart. Some are of belief that art courses are kind of wasting of time in comparison with academic subjects. However, it is flawed as it ignores the fact studying art subjects also can help people obtain the better achievement in academic area. Firstly, being rapt in art momentarily are beneficial for thinking when we encounter some problems in scientific subjects. Besides, the habit of focusing on what we are doing can be trained by studying art subjects, which could improve the efficiency of study. In a word, I do assert that we should not abandon the art discipline and only study the science discipline. The full combination of the two is more conducive to the future development of students

Corrections · 3

1

IELTS essay i will be thankful for someone to correct my essay

Whether art could still be an indispensable part of daily life under the pressure exerted by scientific subjects. Some people argue that it is barely necessary for juveniles to study art courses.(You could also say "a juvenile" instead of "juveniles".) " But, I do believe that the advantages of art largely outweigh the drawbacks.
Without art subjects, the development of creativity would be impacted significantly. The aim of art subjects is to culture students to express their thoughts and feelings appropriately by the form of painting, music and drama, which are the product of imagination and creativity. In addition, learning art subjects benefits the train  development ("training" is also possible, but I prefer "development") of perseverance as it will take a long time for people to complete a production, especially in the painting field where lots of details need a patient heart.
Some are of belief that art courses are kind of wasting of time  time wastage ("wasting of time" is just acceptable, but "time wastage" is far superior) in comparison with academic subjects. However, it is flawed as it ignores the fact that ("that" can be omitted as you did, but it sounds much better included) studying art subjects also can help people obtain the a better achievement in the academic area. Firstly, being rapt in art momentarily are is ("being rapt in art" or "it" is singular) beneficial for thinking when we encounter some problems in scientific subjects. Besides, the habit of focusing on what we are doing can be trained further developed by studying art subjects, which could improve the efficiency of study.
In a word, I do assert that we should not abandon the art discipline and only study the science discipline. The full combination of the two is more conducive to the future development of students.
0

IELTS essay I will be grateful if someone can correct my essay

Can art still be an indispensable part of daily life under the pressure exerted by scientific subjects?


Some people argue that it is barely necessary for juveniles to study art courses. But I do believe that the advantages of art largely outweigh the drawbacks.


Firstly, without art subjects, the development of creativity would be impacted significantly. The aim of art subjects is to culture students to express their thoughts and feelings appropriately in the form of painting, music and drama which are the products of imagination and creativity.

In addition, learning art subjects is beneficial because it teaches perseverance due to the long time it takes for persons to complete a production, especially in the painting field where attention to detail needs a patient heart and mind.

Some believe that art courses are a waste of time in comparison with scientific subjects. However, this idea is flawed as it ignores the fact that studying art subjects also helps people obtain better achievement in all academic areas by enhancing one's creativity, improving mental, emotional and psychological development as well as promoting problem-solving skills. also, the habit of focusing on what we are doing can be trained by studying art, which could improve study efficiency. 

In conclusion, I believe that we should not abandon the art discipline and only study the science discipline. A full combination of the two is required for the successful development of students.

Want to progress faster?

Join this learning community and try out free exercises!

Don’t miss out on the opportunity to learn a language from the comfort of your own home. Browse our selection of experienced language tutors and enroll in your first lesson now!

Start Learning Today