IELTS about smoking

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This is how I would edit your writing.  I started editing the question, too, and then realized it probably wasn't written by you.  If your teacher wrote it, your teacher also could use some more lessons :-) I decided to go ahead and edit the question, too, so you could see how I would write everything.

IELTS Question About Smoking

Tobacco should be treated as an illegal drug. Smoking does not have a single positive benefit, but does have a lot of negative effects,  therefore, it should be banned.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement?  Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.

I personally agree with this statement, and I believe that smoking has a lot of negative aspects. Harm from smoking tobacco can affect both health and personal finances. Let's consider these two points.

Tobacco has plenty of negative effects on a smoker’s health and quality of life. The most serious is the risk of cancer, especially lung cancer.  The smoke from cigarettes contains more than one thousand harmful chemical compounds which promote the development of cancer cells in our bodies. Cigarette smoke also has an offensive odor, and sometimes it may cause an allergic reaction. Furthermore, the cost of a pack of cigarettes is expensive, including high taxes.  Thus, if you smoke cigarettes, you will waste a considerable amount of your money.

Smoking does have one advantage. Tobacco contains nicotine acid, which helps the brain by improving the interaction between neurons. However, there are safer ways to administer this acid, such as by an injection.

My father used to smoke cigarettes, and he had many health problems. Now he is living a healthy lifestyle and exercising,  and he feels well. I suppose that the smoking problem starts in schools, where pupils attempt to smoke because it is ''cool''.  As these students grow up,  the habit remains. Prevention of smoking in school can decrease the number of people who smoke into adulthood.

In conclusion, I want to add that smoking has most likely never been banned because it is very profitable business, run by large corporations.  There may also be concerns that the reduced revenue from tobacco sales could lead to falling economic indexes, like the GDP.

Well done!  And I'm glad your father quit smoking.  I did, too, and I feel much better.  Your English is very good.  Keep up the good work!

Atlético Beat Real Madrid and Won the Europe's Supercup

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I don't know how the rules work for soccer (or football), so my choice of words may not be correct.  But, this is how I would edit your writing, guessing about the right words for a soccer game:

Atlético Beat Real Madrid and Won the European Supercup

Atlético de Madrid defeated Real Madrid on Wednesday 4-2, winning the Supercup. The man of the match was Diego Costa who scored two goals in the game and his role was essential for his team.

The first goal was due to the great playing of Diego Costa, who put his team ahead. A bit later, Benzema tied the score with a good hit of his head. Then, seventeen minutes into the second (quarter?) of the game, Real scored, putting his team ahead.

Diego Costa was no doubt excited with his first goal, and then his second goal,  but he must have been ecstatic when he then forced the game into overtime.

Due to an error of Varane, a player for Real Madrid, Atlético scored again with a beautiful goal. The ecstasy of the Atlético team was so overwhelming that they scored again.  The final result was not only the total victory by Atletico, but was also a humiliation to Real Madrid.

People couldn't wait to get on social media to start posting memes about  Real's defeat, concentrating their derision on the fact that they miss Ronaldo, Real Madrid’s former star soccer player.

Good job!  Keep up the good work.  Your English is very good :-)

I am very mope

these days I have been very sad, because a Man broke my heart... I was fall in love, I always accepted that he said, frequently he was rude and he sometimes visited me...

He always told me that he didn't love me very much...but I wanted to be with his...

very sad... my heart is broken

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I would not use the word mope or mopey.  This is the kind of word to describe someone who is feeling sorry for himself or herself, but for something that is not very serious.  For instance, a child who has been told he can’t go play outside might mope around the house because he can’t do what he wants to do.

A broken heart is more serious, so you would use a more serious word, in my opinion.

I would edit your writing like this:

My heart is broken

These days I’ve been very sad because a man broke my heart.  I fell in love and I always accepted what he said to me, even though he was frequently rude when he visited.  

He always told me that he didn’t love me very much, but I wanted to be with him.  I’m so sad.  My heart is broken. 

I'm so sorry about this.  I hope you find someone who deserves you.  There is a saying that it's better to be alone than to be in bad company.  I hope you find the truth in that.  Take care.  Your English is very good!  Keep up the good work :-)

I love to hear Roxette

This is how I would edit your writing:

I love listening to Roxette

It's midnight and I can't sleep, so I’m listening one of my favorite bands—Roxette.  I really love to listen to their songs. I feel a positive energy whenever I listen to them. When I was a child, I remember hearing Roxette on the Radio. I was living on a farm and I hadn't ever heard anyone speaking or singing another language before. Maybe Roxette was the first international music I had ever heard. I would really like to go see them perform in person someday.

Good job!  Your English is very good!

I hate mosquito

I would edit your writing like this:

I hate mosquitoes!

I said I was satisfied after making my garden nice again the day before yesterday, but I realized that it was too early to say that because I was badly bitten by mosquitoes!  My legs, my arms, even my hips were bitten which are still red, swollen and very itchy. I had worn long sleeves and jeans, too. Before I went out to the garden, I even put on some anti-mosquito spray, so I have no idea how they managed to get there! Thank god I had put a mask on my face! I think I became a tasty meal for the mosquito family in my garden.  I’m afraid my summer is going to be a constant fight with mosquitoes!


P.S. I have finished The Kite Runner and next I'm going to read Rebecca. Oh Manderly, how lovely~.

Well done!  Your English writing is very good.  I just made some edits, as if I would edit any English speaker’s writing.  "Turgid" is a word that is not used very often.  Swollen is a better word because everyone would know that word, but they may not know the word turgid. 

Good for you for also reading in English.  Rebecca is a real page turner.  There was a movie made of the book in 1940 directed by Alfred Hitchcock.  You might want to see if you can find it on YouTube.  Really good and creepy!