20180128 Women and the Tortoise

First I’d like to  tell a story of one of my roommates in college. She was smart, sensitive and always got good grades. In some way, she was even a bit proud (conceited ?) in others’ eyes, though she did have the confidence (not sure what would be the best word here)  to be so. Not long after the beginning of the junior year, we learned that she was dating a boy, one of her former classmates. The boy was the winner of a competition with another boy who also hoped to court her heart (or win hear heart). So you bet he must have had something that could match her excellence.

However, at first, she didn’t seem to give her boyfriend enough as much attention as he deserved. She once said that she could dump him anytime she wanted, as there was no shortage of other suitors for her. And we believed that.

You can easily spot a woman in love. Suddenly she becomes obsessed with makeup, something that she didn't doesn’t bother to do before; suddenly she is keen on shopping, wishing to sweep off all the pretty dresses in the store, and suddenly she becomes so fond of gazing at her mirror, for a long time, while giggling in a silly way.

That was how my roommate behaved after dating with that boy for a while, little happy girl in a budding kind of relationship. Yet one day, we found her sitting on her bed alone, looking blank, with tears rolling down her cheeks. It turned out that she had just got into a fight with her boyfriend. Fortunately, the fight didn’t last long and they got back together very soon. Yet for some reason, I could never forget her sorrowful face when they fell out. Couldn’t help myself, I teased her, saying why she was so distressed at that time? Where was her assertiveness was? Didn’t she have said that she could break up with him anytime she wished? There was a moment of silence, and after a while she explained to me that at the point of the altercation, she found herself already accustomed to his care and love for her, as well as his constant presence in her life. She couldn’t conceive the idea raise the proposal of a break-up. If they did fall apart, she would be more deeply hurt, maybe way much more than what the boy would have experienced.

I think this is true for many other women. In a relationship, a woman may be like a proud tortoise at first; staying in a solid shell that few other animals can get close to. Then one day comes the hunter, slowly and tenderly taking her out of her defense, shattering the shell of pride into pieces. But one day the storm strikes and she wanted to come back, only to find she can never be back to where she was anymore.