Search from various English teachers...
Profile
. . . . . . .
Learning
Japanese
Language Skills
CroatianNative
Lesson Feedback
Lesson history
 Last monthLast 3 monthsAll time
Completed lessons001
Attendance rate100%100%100%
Teacher reviews
Kazu
Japanese
Oct 8, 2023
驚くほど上手に日本語を話すので、驚きました。いっぱいがんばりましたね。😊
Activities
  • Corrected

    introduction

    I'm Ibuki, from Japan. I'm a university student.


    I wanna get a job in which I can work abroad, or work with foreign people in the future, so I wanna get many experience with talking to people in English.

    (When it comes to the word 'experience', there's different usages. Experience in this case means getting used to it and improving. Example would be: 'I have experience in this line of work.' Meaning you have done it before and would know how to get by.

    But, 'many experiences' sounds more like an event that happened. 'I had many different experiences in that country.' Lots of things happened.

    If you wanted to emphasize that you wanted to get put in lots of situations talking to different people in English, what you wrote would be right, but it would sound a bit awkward.

    "I wanna have lots of different conversations with people in English." might sound better.)


    Moreover, despite along with English practice, I wanna be friends with many people and know about many different cultures.

    ('despite' here makes me think that English practice would be somehow going against the friendship. Usually, it's used in a somewhat negative light. Example: "Despite not studying a lot, I passed the exam." or "Despite being short, I can jump higher than him."

    So you are going in spite of something. 'Even though we're doing English practice, you can still be friends.' kind of thing.)
    If you are interested in Japan and Japanese culture, add me as a friend!!

     

    I understood everything, which means the writing was good. It's just the small stuff that I tried helping.

    I'm sorry if my explanations are kinda long-winded. If you have any questions, please let me know ^_^

    0 voted
    January 11, 2016
    2
  • Corrected

    With the development of technology, people can do their daily tasks at home via internet, printer, or computer and so on. something like that.       ('and so on' is used with the same meaning as etcetera, meaning there's more things with which they can do their daily tasks, but there's no need to count them. You can also use 'and so forth'.)

    This advance has a positive and negative influence on individual and society.

    The essay easy below will discuss both.

    It is true that everyone can get some benefits and harms from this technology.    ('from' is used here to show what causes it. An example would be: 'My stomach hurts from the ice cream I ate.')

    People can get more convenience from it, because they save time on the way to work the destination for working, which helps improve their (work) efficiency. of tasks.      (You can write 'task efficiency' if you want, but I believe it's already implied, because work was mentioned previously in the sentence.)

    For example, a the manager of an enterprise does not need is not necessary to travel by air in order to visit companies in other countries or any overseas subsidiaries. to other country companies who they have operation with or the overseas subsidiaries.     (I wasn't sure how to correct this. I understood what you wrote, but it sounded a bit long winded. I would personally take out 'or any overseas subsidiaries.' as well.)

    They can negotiate and do business on the internet, or even sign contract through mail.   

    By contrast, people will live a sedentary life easily.    (This works, but I don't hear sedentary that often. Maybe 'secluded' would work better. I would write 'a secluded life more easily.' as well.)

    They can do most of things while sitting at on a chair at home,  via the advance including buying (maybe 'ordering' would be the better word here) food or clothes, which develops a bad behavior in them.

    As a result, they will be unhealthy or overweight because of lack of exercise.

    Therefore, it brings a different effect on the individual.

    The advance in technology will have an effect on environment and the relationships between people.

    The environment would get better since people reduce to take transportation so that the pollution caused by cars can drop down.

    However, the relationship of between family or friends may get worse.    (I would probably write 'family and friends' here)

    People can keep in touch with each via internet which is good.,

    But as the time goes by, they get used to communicating with each other through by this method, and they reduce the time they spend talking face to face.

    Thanks to this, they may not be as closer as than before.

    In conclusion, the phenomenon of handling lots of things without face to face may be an improvement, but we should avoid the bad side.

     

    I understood everything in the essay and tried to just correct grammar without touching the main writing or point. I apologise if I made some mistakes.

    0 voted
    October 16, 2015
    2