An essay : please let me know what my mistakes are. thank you so much

the subject: "A lot of people believe that the amount of violence shown on TV and in the cinema affects the actions of our young people and therefore increases the amount of violence in our society today. Do you agree or disagree with this sentence? What can be done to reduce violence in our society today?"

There has been considerable debate among people over whether TV programs having violent actions could have effects on young individuals. All societies and governments are searching to find some measure to reduce the amount of violence in society.
It is generally acknowledged that TV programs influence children and young people. Although TV and cinema have many advantages, there are some programs which encourage violence and send a message in favour of being a villain. For example, a program showing a murderer killing people regarding to helping poor people can set a bad example for young people. Another good example are some programs in which a villain will be a rich person at the end. Young individuals may think to follow the person.
To avoid violence in society or at least to reduce it, both governments and families are responsible. One measure by governments is to control the media, like cinema and TV programs, to ban if the programs incite violence. Another measure is to put some laws for guilt. There has to be some charge if one bothers another one with violent action or behavior so children could be aware of the result of their bad actions. Families, on the other hand, are responsible to help children to distinguish wrong and right. It is necessary parents to avoid children to watch every kind of TV programs.
To conclude, It is accepted that TV programs which have high amount of violence influence young people so that children could be encouraged to harm other people. To keep society safe, this is a burden for families and governments to guide young individual towards being a pacifistic person.

(Incredible, keep it up.)