korea education problem

(i need grammar check and the limitation of my solution
also, if there are awkward expression,point out please...i need your help)

Korean students are forced to choose a permanent major too early. Korean high school education offers two different curriculum options: liberal arts and natural sciences. While liberal arts students learn about society, the economy, history, etc, natural science students learn mostly about math and sciences. This curriculum takes away the chance for students to study other fields. As a result, this makes students unknowledgeable in other fields. When the students become 17, they must choose what they will study, but they are too young to make any informed decision. They don’t have enough educational experience to choose wisely. Some students regret choosing their majors when they become university students, and, in the future, they may even cry over their job. In most cases, many students lose interest in their studying and become uncertain about their future.
Therefore, we should let students study any subject regardless of their highschool choices until they go to university which will give them more time to decide. After they choose a curriculum, liberal arts students should learn about natural science and natural science students should learn about liberal arts. When they become freshman in university they should take any class they want and decide their major in their second year. Students can then experience many fields of study and make up their mind on their majors. As a result, more students will be satisfied with their majors. But, this won't work for specialized education, and it will be confusing to many. Because of this, it will be hard to implement.

CORRECT GRAMMAR IN THIS ESSAY PLZ~~~~~

Today’s over-emphasis on appearance in Korea can have negative effects on people’s emotional health. In Korea, TV shows that cover appearance gain great popularity such as ‘Get It Beauty’, which introduces make-up tips and recommends cosmetics and ‘Let Me In’, which helps people, who have been seriously discriminated because of their looks, by performing plastic surgery on them. Also, lots of information about improving one’s appearance can be found in many other kinds of medium. However, this excessive interest in appearance can bring about serious side effects. First, people come to judge a person only by his/her appearance. As people put more importance on appearance, appearance becomes the main factor in judging a person. As a result, it is common in Korea to find people who are underestimated by others because their appearance is not good. Second, people come to pay too much attention in taking care of their appearance. Because people focus on their looks too much, they neglect to build their character. For example, in Korea, there are some women who invest lots of money in improving their appearance by buying expensive cosmetics and having plastic surgery but they lack common sense or manners. These women are called ‘된장녀’.(Maybe include an English translation? something like, "or 'plastic surgery queens'.)

Pretty sure it refers to the other person, not Leandro. Leandro says "Picaro you will pay for your CRIME." Then, the CRIMINAL pulls up his shirt, and Leandro laughs. The criminal's skin was brown as coconuts....

Problem-Solution Essay

The Part-Time Job of Minors

While the percentage of high school students doing part-time jobs is increasing every year, the legal system in place to protect students is too weak. Because of the weak legal system for child labor laws, bosses are able to make many illegal and immoral actions towards minors. Many bosses do not pay minors enough. For example, although the minimum wage in Korea is 4860 won for an hour, most minors get 3000-4000 won per hour. Also, minors are more likely to be exposed to dangers. For instance, there are many instances of sexual harassment done to girls by employers and customers at gas stations, cafés or restaurants, and boys, who are not qualified to drive, have a high chance of being in a car accident while making delivering.
To solve these problems, the government should enforce the legal system to protect working minors by activating a report center for those violating labor laws. If employers do not pay minors a proper wage, the minors may accuse their employers of violating the child labor laws. Then, the employer would have to pay a fine or be ordered to suspend business. Also, there should be a law that says minors cannot do work that is beyond the means of students. Minors should not do inappropriate work for employers such as making deliveries by motorcycle or serving alcohol at bars.

I'm not a mathematician, but I used to teach college writing. Usually, if you're writing this for college, or for a journal, you use the format that the professor, or the journal, asks for. Some prefer everything in present tense. Grammatically, there's no reason you couldn't use any tense. But, again, it's always best to ask the audience you're writing for what type of format they want.

'Who' is a pronoun for a subject. 'Whom' is a pronoun for an object. "Who is it?" is correct, because we want to know the subject. Likewise: "Whom do you love?" is correct, because the subject is you and the object is whom. Just remember, if there is no subject, you will probably use who. If there is a subject, you will probably use whom.

Yes, in fact, your expression is more precise. English speakers sometimes leave words out if they think the reader or listener knows what they mean. The first expression assumes the listener knows what is being spoken about; the second expression doesn't make that assumption.

Ok, well this is taken from a poem, so we need context to understand. But here's what I think it means, after reading the poem. Radical-butcher's antecedent is the Kings and Emperors. And radical would be used in the old sense as meaning, intrinsic or base. So, Swinefoot is saying, these kings and emperors are all, at their base level, butchers. Paper-money miller's probably modifies the Bishops and Deacons, which would mean that they are only interested in making money. "Stifling" would mean to repress (since we are dealing with personified animals, it could be that humans suppressed the turtle and pig). And turtle soup is an extravagant food, much as brandy is. So, Swellfoot calls these people who suppressed the turtle and ate expensive, extravagant things, devils. But, this is poetry, so it could mean a few different things.