Dairy 5/27 I don't know what can I say for today. My boss didn't show up today . so I was kind of goof off all day... I didn't saying have not doing any thing , it is just a little stressed if the boss is in the office, I feel he is kind of watching me ... In fact, I really hope he can assign me some specific tasks. He just gave me a list, there were many thing that he thought I need to learn before start the real work ( I'm just joined the project, so it's kind of a preparation phrase). I had read those materials, but I think I can learn faster by participate in the real work. and my boyfriend came to see me tonight. I tried to ask him to do some preparation before he went to college in Sep . but he just won't do it , he doesn't know what he likes or what he wants to do or to be in the future , and even doesn't want to earn money. I really can do nothing with him. I feel I'm not dating with a man but dating with my son. Any way, I know life is hard, and I was not born into a wealthy family. still I want to live as happily as possible.

Dairy 05/23/2019 I have a teleconference this morning, it goes better than yesterday's, I can understand most of what they said. and I can do the appropriate response. luckily, the did not assign me any task so far so I can get more time to go over it. and tonight, my bf come to see me again, and I buy him dinner. to be honest, I don't have too much money left this month, and we're playing to hang out on Saturday. He is a student so he didn't earn money. So I am paly all bills when we're together. it makes me stressful.

Dairy 05/21/2019 So , today is not so hot (I don't know if it's a right way to expression 'so so' , I want to say it's neither a good day nor a bad day , just so so , but I'm sure there is a more native way to say it , please tell me if you know). in the morning, my teleconference not goes well , I can got maybe 60% of what he said , but after the conference, my boss ask me what is my work in this week , and I'm not familiar with the vocabulary that he used , but I guess he means that. but I don't got it at that moment , so I'm froze there , too nervous to ask him to repeat his question. that was really embarrassing. I think I got some impatience recently , I really want to improve my english , cause I need to use it at my work. But I also knows that language can never be learned in short term. You have to study every day. I'm regret not learning English well in college , I spend so many time on game and what ever something else. and yesterday , my boyfriend apologized to me for he flirting with other boy in dating APP. since he didn't really have sex with another one ( is there a more native way to say that?) so I forgive him.but if it happed agin , I will definitely breakup with him.

My Weekend Day It's a long day for me. this morning , I check my boyfriend's phone while he's on the toilet , and I didn't mean to , but I found he is flirting with another boy. it's really pissed me off , cause we're dating within 2 weeks, and now he's already mess around with someone else. and I also feel sad , and heart broken. Maybe he didn't love me that much as I loved him. maybe I shouldn't start this relationship at the beginning. since I know his will go to college in another city in two months. and long distance relationships never last . but I thought at least we can be happy in these two months. but I am wrong , I should realized it earlier from the fact we didn't have too much communications. It is no wonder that , he is too young , and we're at different stages of life , My worries are my job and my mortgage , and money. and he seems don't have annoyance at all. I envy him, I used to be as carefree as he was. but people always have to grow up and take responsible. I read a sentence before , "Loneliness is human destiny" . It really hits me. and I do ask my self what do I want in this relationship , what do I like about him？ or maybe I just too longly to find someone to accompany me. I don't know. Maybe it was a mistake to start this relationship. I think I must talk with him when he comes to see me next time. and tomorrow is the first day I join the project ，I'm a little nervous, I'm worried about my English . The leader can only speak English. it's my first time to join a team that have to communicate in English only. But I have confidence to make it。 good luck to me ，life is hard but I will try to live happily.

Today's dairy This morning , when I woke up , I suddenly decide to go to see the doctor， there some small problems with my body, although it doesn't matter if I leave it alone . but still it make me uncomfortable. So I text my manager ask for half day’s leave. And went to hospital, luck , even after all this time, I didn't get any worse. And , there is another thing luck for me. it is about yesterday's interview. I thought I didn't pass it but they told me that they want me. I am surprised and now I must prepare for the project. I need to study and work harder, because I don't want fail their trust。 and my boyfriend came for me tonight, we ate a simple dinner together but I feel happy. even I'm not sure how long we can dating. but at lest for now , I am happy.