Hello Halo semua. Saya coba belajar bahasa Indonesia sudah empat bulan  <em>sudah </em><em>mencoba belajar Bahasa Indonesia selama <em>empat bulan (1)</em></em>. Saya dari Perth, Western Australia. Saya akan suka (2) <em>senang ber</em>bicara (3) bahasa Indonesia dengan orang lain lain orang (4) supaya <em>Bahasa Indonesia</em> (5) saya bisa menjadi lancar. Saya menikah dan punya dua anak anak. Saya <em>be</em>kerja (6) lima hari dalam <em>satu</em> (7) minggu. Kapan tidak kerja <em>Ketika saya tidak bekerja,</em> (8) saya suka ke pergi <em>ke</em> banyak tempat<em> </em>dan <em>saya pun</em> telah <em>pernah pergi</em> (9) ke Bali, Jawa dan Kalimantan. Sampai nanti.

(1) At this sentence, <em>"</em><em>Saya coba belajar bahasa Indonesia sudah empat bulan"</em>, did you mean "I've been trying to learn Bahasa Indonesia for 4 months"? The word order in Bahasa Indonesia, basically will be Subject Noun + Verb + Object Noun + Explanatory. So, If we break down the sentence, Saya (Subject Noun) + sudah mencoba belajar (Verb) + Bahasa Indonesia (Object Noun) + selama emat bulan (Explanatory, in this case you want to explain about how long you've been learning Bahasa Indonesia).

(2) You can use "senang" instead of "suka" in this sentence. Literally in this case, "senang" is translated as "Glad" and "suka" mostly sounds similar like "Like".

(3) In this case, adding the prefix <em>be-</em> is much better. But using the plain form "kerja" is also correct.

(4) "to the other people" should be translated as "orang lain" not "lain orang". It has a different meaning. "lain orang" is "different person" in English.

(5) You need to add the Object Noun to make the sentence more obvious.

(6) The same as number (3)

(7) You need to explain how many weeks. For example: a week (satu minggu), 2 weeks (dua minggu).

(8) I guess you might want to say, "When I'm not working". "When" is translated as "Kapan" but in this case it is translated as "Ketika". about the prefix be-, it's the same as number (3) and (6). I added "Saya" to make the sentence more complete as its rule. Remember, Subject Noun + Verb

(9) To express experience, using the word "pernah" is more proper. "telah" means "Have done something"

Finally, I hope it helps :)

Saya menghormati Otaku.

Saya menghormati Otaku.
Pasalnya (Karena), mereka mempunyai (Keinginan yang kuat) banyak nafsu.

*You can use "Karena" to make it sounds more natural. Using "Pasalnya" is a way much formal :)

*"Strong passion" literally translated as "Keinginan yang kuat" even if you try to translate the word "keinginan" will be translated as "desire". The word "yang" can be translated as の-particle in Japanese. for example: 強いの情熱.

The world "nafsu" in Indonesian sounds a bit negative because it will be translated as "lust" in English

Mereka berupaya(/berusaha) (yang terbaik) untuk (kegemaran mereka) hal favorit.

*the words "Try to do" can be translated both "berupaya" or "berusaha", "berupaya" sounds more formal. "best" literally translated as "terbaik" or "Ichiban" in Japanese. 

*The words "kegemaran mereka" means things that they like or favorited. 

(I respect Otaku.
Because, thy have strong passion.
They try to do thier best for their favorite things.)

Honestly, your Indonesian is very good! I'm surprised!

Semangat belajar Bahasa Indonesianya ya! インドネシア語を勉強がんばってくださいね。