Sports : A Neccessity in Schools or Not? (IELTS ESSAY practice task 2 )    { may be their title but it's odd, this would be more natural }

Hello everybody! this is my latest essay task 2 for my IELTS preparation in writing
Please let me know your opinion about the quality and coherence of my writing (to be honest, it is my weakness area haha)
Thank you in advance :)    -- It's interesting work, naturally native speakers can express your ideas more elegantly.  Oddly as it's written and academic some words are MORE like Spanish due to Latin origin of academic vocabulary.


There are those who think that no sports should be included in the education system.  However I shall argue that the positive effects on children of physical and recreational activity justify their provision in schools.

Some people express doubt the suitability of physical activities for schools, but research shows academic learning is beneficially correlated to physical activity and furthers the development of children. All sports accelerate (velocity is a vector speed & direction in physics so academically increase speed is best expressed simply as accelerate) learning because the human brain works better when our bodies are regularly exercised (based on latest researches carried out by neuroscientists around the world). Take for example the academies of my country, Mexican institutions have sports as compulsory classes. Students choose them and consequently, they get excellent grades because their brain is stimulated though exercise.

Also, there are great benefits related to social and mental health. Firstly, it is widely known that children have more opportunities to develop social skills such as empathy when they practice sport. For instance, in my country,  Mexican schools have 20 minutes per day for playing football. This strategy efficiently reduced fighting among students because they experience a more relaxed environment where making friends is more likely to happen and have an outlet for excess energy. This I believe leads to healthier mental health through reduced stress on children, which is a necessary base for becoming successful.

In conclusion, school sports in schools are not only relevant but important due to the high benefits to learning, both developing social skills and improved mental well being.  Undoubtedly they ought not be eliminated from Academies.

Sports are a neccessity in schools or not? (IELTS ESSAY practice task 2 )

Hello everybody! This is my latest essay task 2 for my IELTS preparation in writing.
Please let me know your opinion about the quality and coherence of my writing (to be honest, it is my weakness haha).
Thank you in advance :)


There are those who think that no sports should be included in the education system. I fully disagree with this position because there are positive effects on children who practice any kind of recreational activity.

Some people believe that physical activities are not suitable in schools. However, these activities have a significant impact on academics. All sports have a positive influence on the speed at which people learn because the human brain works more effectively when our body is regularly exercised (based on the latest research carried out by neuroscientists around the world). Take, for example, the schools in my country. Mexican academic institutions make sports compulsory. Students choose it and, consequently, they get excellent grades because their brain is stimulated through exercise.

Also, there are great benefits to social and mental health. Firstly, it is widely known that children have more opportunities to develop social skills like empathy when they play sports. For instance, in my country, Mexican schools have 20 minutes per day set aside for playing football. This strategy decreased fights among students because they are in a relaxed environment where making friends is easier. This leads to improved mental health among children, which is necessary for success.

In conclusion, the presence of sports in schools is very important because it has positive effects on learning, social skills, and mental health. It is without question that they must not be eliminated from schools.

Comments:

This is how I would phrase your sentences when writing an essay. I just have one question.

"Mexican institutions have sports as a compulsory class. Students choose it and consequently, they get excellent grades because their brain is stimulated though exercise."

If it is compulsory, that means the students don't have a choice. They MUST play sports. Saying "students choose it" makes it sound like the sports aren't compulsory because it implies they have multiple options.

One last thing! You'll notice that I changed your uses of the word "academy" to "school". "Academy" isn't often used as a direct substitute for the word "school", but I understand you may just be trying to vary your word choice.

Sports are a neccessity in schools or not? (IELTS ESSAY practice task 2 )

Hello everybody! this is my latest essay task 2 for my IELTS preparation in writing
Please let me know your opinion about the quality and coherence of my writing (to be honest, it is my weakness area haha)
Thank you in advance :)


There are those who think that all the kinds of sports should not be included in the education system. Nevertheless, I fully disagree with this position because of the positive effects on children who practice any kind of recreational activity.

Some people express that physical activities are not suitable in schools. However, academic learning is highly connected to them. All sports have a positive result on the velocity of learning because the human brain works effectively well when our body is exercised (based on the latest researches carried by neuroscience around the world). Take for example the academies of my country: Mexican institutions have sports as a compulsory class. Students choose it and consequently, they get excellent grades because their brain is stimulated though exercise.

Also, there are great benefits related to social and mental health. Firstly, it is widely known that children have more opportunities to develop social skills, such as empathy, when they practice a sports. For instance, in my country, Mexican schools have 20 minutes per day for playing football. This strategy was efficient in decreasing fights among students because they are in a relaxed environment conducive for where making friends is more likely to happen. This would lead to have a healthier improved mental health on in children, a prerequisite for success. for being a successful person.

In conclusion, the importance of sports in schools is very relevant because its great results has benefits in learning, social skills and mental health. Undoubtedly they must not be eliminated from academics.