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My second Chinese poem... 夏天瓜 Feel free to help me with the choice of words or Hanzi! 夏天瓜 昨晚在杂货店 过度成熟的瓜旁边 你能偷我一个吻 但是你没作 今天关于瓜 我只能纪念浓香 Summer melons Last night in the store beside the over-ripe melons you could have stolen me a kiss but you didn't today, of the melons, I can remember only the pungent fragrance

Corrections · 5

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pero。。 is it the way u say it？Good job。。？ 要是“你能偷走我的吻，我只能纪念侬香”更好一些
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My second Chinese poem... 夏天瓜

Feel free to help me with the choice of words or Hanzi!

夏天瓜

昨晚在杂货店  

昨晚在水果店

过度成熟的瓜旁边

熟透的瓜旁边

你能偷我一个吻

你可以偷偷吻我
但是你没作

但你却没敢
今天关于瓜

今天我想起瓜来
我只能纪念浓香

只记起浓浓的香味



Summer melons

Last night in the store
beside the over-ripe melons
you could have stolen me a kiss
but you didn't
today, of the melons,
I can remember only the pungent fragrance

Ps: good poem.

0

My second Chinese poem... 夏天瓜

Feel free to help me with the choice of words or Hanzi!

夏天瓜

昨晚在杂货店
过度成熟(熟透了）的瓜旁边
你能偷我一个吻 你本可以偷走我一个吻
但（可）是你没作 （有）
今天 关于（那）瓜（的）
我只能纪念（回想起）（那）浓（郁）的（芳）香

诗啊  估计把意境破坏了^.^


Summer melons

Last night in the store
beside the over-ripe melons
you could have stolen me a kiss
but you didn't
today, of the melons,
I can remember only the pungent fragrance

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Thank you! That was a doubt I had... “作”or “做”
0
很好啊 我喜欢 “你能偷我一个吻 ……我只能纪念浓香” 这两句好！ 不过那个“作”应该是“做”

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