Our faces
When I added my photo in profile there were a few people who wrote to me. But nobody did it before.
Human face is the first and most necessary thing little child can recognize. And all of his life he needs to see human faces to be health psychological.
But now we "lost" our faces. We are always in our phones, computers. Ones upon a time it'll be something wrong with humanity.
#moreфон2018.
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Our faces
After I added my photo in the profile a few people wrote to me. But nobody did before. //I have rephrased the sentence to sound easier to understand, it is also possible to group those into a single sentence. Alternatively I would have wrote that 'people started writing to me'Human face is the first and most necessary thing little child can recognize. //'necessary' and 'can' are a poor fit logically, it would sound better with 'should'
And all of the life one needs to see human faces to stay healthy psychologically. //you have mistakenly used 'health psychological' at the end. I have changed the verb as well to convey additional meaning, emphasizing that you can also become unhealthy.
But now we have "lost" our faces. We are always in on our phones and computers. Sometime in the future there will be something wrong with humanity. //once upon is a typical fairy-tale opener like a давным-давно, and implies action took place earlier, in the past. Last sentence sounds very rough, mostly because you don't back your claim or explain where it comes from. Adding 'in my opinion' or 'I think that' would make it sound a lot less arrogant :p
#moreфон2018.
Have fun on italki, keep posting notes and discussion for people to correct. Speaking on a topic of your note I would bet that it has more to do with your gender :p I can bet that you will get more people writing to you if you post even lovelier smile ;)
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