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[JinHee] English Writing Exam I had an English writing exam. One of questions was making a paragragh. I selected a topic : My favorie holiday. title : My Favorie Holiday. My favorite holiday is Children's Day. First, when I was a kid, my parents gave me a present in this day. I was happy at that time. Second, I can take a rest in this day. I don't have any child, so I am free. Finally, I can see many smiling children. In Children's Day, many children are happy. For these reason, I love Children's Day. This is the paragragh that I wrote. What do you think about this ??? Are all sentences correct??XD

Corrections · 10

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[JinHee] English Writing Exam

I had an English writing exam.
One of the questions was to write a paragragh.
I selected the topic : My favorite holiday. 

Title: My Favorite Holiday.
My favorite holiday is Children's Day. Firstly, when I was a kid, my parents gave me a present on this day. I was happy at that time. Secondly, I can take a rest on this day. I don't have any children, so I am free. Finally, I can see many smiling children. On Children's Day, many children are happy. For these reasons, I love Children's Day.

This is the paragraph that I wrote.
What do you think about this ??? Are all sentences correct??XD

Corrections are in red :) Overall a well structured paragraph with 3 points listed clearly. You have to be careful about adverb use (-ly) and prepositions (on/in etc. it's on a certain day so you say 'on' Children's Day) and remember it's plural when you mention children. These are just some grammar errors, keep working at it and I'm sure you'll improve fast and then you can expand your ideas and write longer paragraphs~

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I had an English writing exam.
One of questions was making a paragragh.
I selected the topic : My favorie holiday.

Title : My Favorie Holiday.
My favorite holiday is Children's Day. Firstly because, when I was a kid, my parents gave me a present on this day. I was happy during those times. Secondly, I can take a rest on this day, since I don't have any child and therefore free. And finally, I can see many smiling children. On Children's Day, many children are happy. For these reasons, I love Children's Day.

This is the paragragh that I wrote.
What do you think about this ??? Are all sentences correct??XD

- there are a few mistakes, nothing too major ^.^

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What do I think? I think it's great, I think you are working hard to learn a difficult language, and I think you did a good job of telling the story. Yes, all the feedback you got is important and you do need to improve; but it's important to know that you are doing a good job, you are using English well and you should continue the good work and the good progress.
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I don't need to correct your essay since Chrisa and others did a great job.  However my comment is about writing better English and not on the grammar aspects.  You should leave out phrases like "firstly", "secondly" in essays of this kind.  This is because you are not writing a manual or writing a rebuttal.  The sequence of statements indicate their position.

[JinHee] English Writing Exam

I had an English writing exam.
One of questions was making a paragragh.
I selected a topic : My favorie holiday.

title : My Favorie Holiday.
My favorite holiday is Children's Day. First, when I was a kid, my parents gave me a present in this day. I was happy at that time. Second, I can take a rest in this day. I don't have any child, so I am free. Finally, I can see many smiling children. In Children's Day, many children are happy. For these reason, I love Children's Day.

This is the paragragh that I wrote.
What do you think about this ??? Are all sentences correct??XD

0

[JinHee] English Writing Exam

I had an English writing exam.
One of questions was making a paragragh.
I selected a topic : My favorie holiday.

title : My Favorie Holiday.
My favorite holiday is Children's Day. Firstly because when I was a kid, my parents gave me a present on in this day and I was so happy at that time. Secondly we have a day off., I can take a rest in this day. I don't have any children, so I have nothing to do. am free. Finally, I can see you get see so many smiling faces of children. many smiling children. In On Children's Day, many children are so happy. For these reason, Thats why I love Children's Day.

This is the paragragh that I wrote.
What do you think about this ??? Are all sentences correct??XD

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