Dear Saki,

Hi, tThank you for giving me a your letter. It was so nice to hear from you.I am going to advice about what you think. 

Much love,

Midori

***

みどりさんの文法はいいよ。

でも、もっとペラペラな文を教えたんだ。例えば、「It was so nice to hear from you」とか「Whatever you do, I will always support you.」とか「Good luck!」なんか。みどりさんはこちらを覚えて使えばいいと思う。

他の質問があったら、聞いてね。

頑張って！

Hello Midori,

Thank you for sharing your writing, I really think it is a good way to learn and boost your IELTS score for sure. I am studying for IELTS exam, just like you, but for the Academic module. And I thought I could give you some advice about your message, may be it could help. And I am sure others will help also.

Dear Saki,

Hi, thank you for giving me a letter. I am going to advice about what you think.
I think you should get a job instead of going to college. The reason why you said you don't know what major you should choose. Once you enter college, basically you have to learn something for two years or more. And if you are not interested in that subject, you would not enjoy going to college.

Frist of all, Do not use "Hi" after Dear, you could say " Hi Saki" instead of Dear but they demand to so in the question heading. After that you should not use "give" with a word "letter", it is a wrong collocation, and they mark for collocation in the exam, but you can try " Thank you for your letter." or something like " I hope this finds you and your family well, and .....". Try to search collocation with word letter in this website 'freecollocation.com", It helps me a lot. You will find on the website that you can use "send" in stead of "give". After which, I want to point I really like the way you use "instead of", very good. Then if we look at the next sentence, it is not correct, you could say" The reason why I saying so is that you don't .....", also you can try other ways to give a reason, such "going to college, because you don't...." also " and that for". Please don't forget to add an article "a" before the word "college" in the next sentence, to become " Once you enter a college". Back to the collocation again, I think you better use "study" instead of "learn" in the third sentence, " ..have to study something for two....". Finally,  when you use future conditional it should be [If ... Simple Present ..., ... Simple Future ...]  to become " If you don't have an interest in the subject, you will not enjoy (hate) going to college"

It is a very good idea for you to get a job. Because you can get money and also learn about business. You are an adaptive person, plus you have a pretty smile. In my opinion, working as a hotel receptionist would be suitable for you. You know a lot of hotels which you went to travel overseas so you can use your experiences.

I'm always your side. Do your best.

It took me more ages to correct the first paragraph, I have to study a for a while and I promise you I will come back and finish the second one.Really sorry.

Keep learning, and have an out standing day.

with love,

Mohamed

Hi Midori,

Please pardon me for taking all this time to come back and complete what I had started, but it is never too late though, isn't it? I really enjoy correct your essay, I find it very educating, and I often go back and read about grammar and sentence structure, so, I suppose that I'm learning from this process very much. 

It is a very good idea for you to get a job. Because you can get money and also learn about business. You are an adaptive person, plus you have a pretty smile. In my opinion, working as a hotel receptionist would be suitable for you. You know a lot of hotels which you went to travel overseas so you can use your experiences.

I'm always your side. Do your best.

From the very beginning,  in the first sentence, you are trying to give your opinion,   you may use this form "In my opinion, it is a very ..." or "I think that it is ...", you can read more about "how to give your opinion" from this website https://www.fluentland.com/how-to-give-opinion-in-english/, try to learn one or two forms and use them in your writing.  The next sentence is a sentence to explain and justify your opinion, and you are basically giving reasons -why do you think so?-. The two sentences are completing each other, so you should remove the ".",  ".... to get a job because you can make money more quickly, and you can learn to do business early"  and I add a comma between the two sentence because they are dependent clauses, and when you use conjunctions - for example, and,  but, so,...- you often need to use comma, and this helps you making a " compound sentence", which will make you get a point for the sentence structure. Also, please notice that "make" and "earn" are collocate with money better than "get", also I suppose you need to explain that you think that your friend needs to make money and do/start a business as soon as possible, they could do so that after college though! Finally, I really love the way you connect the two next clauses with "plus", way to go. Also, giving your opinion in the following sentence was amazing, keep doing so.

I don't have to add any thing on the last few sentence, I really think Jeremy said enough, many thanks to him.

To sum up, you really did a good job, the latter was writing in a concise manner with no repetition, besides that, the cohesion was remarkable, and your thoughts are expressed in clear language, which was easy to be understood. 

keep learning and have an out standing day.

With love,

Mohamed.