Reward For Virtue

My colleague, Jim, was an unfortunate person. His father had got cancer of the stomach several years ago. Last year things got so bad that he immediately returned to his hometown, and he decided to take care of his father in his the final stage of his life ('the final stage of his life' sounds a bit more natural). First of all, he wrote out a long list of all the things which he had to do, the list included: washing the his feet, cooking the meals, taking some photos, and so on. But a week later, his father died at 55. When we heard the bad news, we all felt very sympathetic. Yesterday, he paid me a visit, he rang the bell, and I was very surprised to see him with a large parcel in his hand. I led him into my room, and asked him what's what was the matter. He smiled and put the parcel on the desk, and he explained that he had bought something especially for me when he was on a business trip in Beijing, because I had given him financial assistance, when his father was seriously ill. and He was so touched by this that he had to reward me. Then he showed me the contents of the parcel, it contained five bags of roast duck.

You write quite well Carol. If you have any questions about my corrections, please ask me. Don't forget to leave or put a 'space' after you use a period (.). 

Reward For Virtue

My colleague, Jim, was an unfortunate person. His father had got cancer of the stomach several years ago.Last year things got so bad that he immediately returned to his hometown. He decided to take care of his father in his final stage of life.First of all, he wrote out a long list of all the things which he had to do. The list included: washing thehis feet, cooking thehis meals, taking some photos, and so on.But a week later, his father died at 55.When we heard the bad news, we all felt very sympathetic.Yesterday, he paid me a visit. When he rang the bell, and I was very surprised to see him with a large parcel in his hand.I led him into my room, and asked him what's the matter what the matter was (or asked him "what's the matter").He smiled and put the parcel on the desk, he explained that he had bought something especially for me, when he was on a business trip in Beijing.Because I had given him financial assistance, when his father was seriously ill,and he was so touched that he felt that he had to reward me.Then he showed me the contents of the parcel. It contained five bags of roast duck.

You write well. As others have already mentioned, it is mostly punctuation that can be improved. Break long sentences into shorter ones with full stops instead of commas. 

Reward For Virtue

My colleague, Jim, was an unfortunate person.  His father had got cancer of the stomach several years ago.  Last year, things got so bad that he immediately returned to his hometown.  He decided to take care of his father in his final stage of life.  First of all, he wrote out a long list of all the things which he had to do.  The list included:  washing the feet, cooking the meal, taking some photos, and so on.  But a week later, his father died at 55.  When we heard the bad news, we all felt very sympathetic.  Yesterday, he paid me a visit.  He rang the bell and I was very surprised to see him with a large parcel in his hand.  I led him into my room and asked him what's the matter.  He smiled and put the parcel on the desk.  He explained that he had bought something especially for me when he was on a business trip in Beijing.  Because I had given him financial assistance when his father was seriously ill, he was so touched that he had to reward me.  Then he showed me the contents of the parcel, it contained five bags of roast duck.

Good job!  Keep it up!  Keep going and you will get better.  (Be careful with commas.)