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Japan flagShin Hirayama
Please correct my sentence I wrote. I bought the sticks for mountain climbing a few years ago. But I didn't use it frequently. When I climbed some mountain last month, it had completely broken out. At that time, I swear that I'll never buy some gear in mont-bell which is specialized in mountain gear in Japan. Although I bought a new one, I went to mont-bell because I was curious that it can be repair or not. I though that if the repairing cost is reasonable, I'll pay it. One week later, I received the answer from the shop. They said it can be fixed with free of charge if I want. I was so glad to hear that. But, I can't still believe completely that the equipment is safe enough when I climb some steep mountains.

Corrections · 4

1

I bought a hiking stick for mountain, a few years ago, but I didn't use it frequently. As I climbed up several mountains. it completely broke down into two pieces. At the moment, I swore to myself that I would never buy any equipment from Mont-Bell, a Japanese company,  which specializes in producing hiking gears.


Even though I already got myself a new one, I went to one of branch stores of Mont-Bell to check out whether it could be repaired or not. I thought that if the repairing cost is reasonable, I'd pay it. One week later, I received the answer from the shop. They said it can be fixed for free of charge if I want. I was so glad to hear that but, I can't still believe completely whether the equipment is safe enough in case I climb up some steep mountains.


1. '산을 타다' 라는 동사는 hike로 표현해주면 좋아요. 

2. 등산 스틱은 영어로 hiking stick 이라고 자주 쓰입니다. 고급장비로 뾰족한 것이 달려있는 것은 Alpenstock 이라고 부른다고 하네요             (알펜슈토크) 외래어로 쓰는 것 같습니다   

3. But은 부사로 문두에 쓰기도 하지만, 가장 이상적인 쓰임은 접속사이므로 문장을 이어주는데 (period 없이) 써 주는 것이 더 자연스럽       습니다

4. 첫 문장에서 어느 특정한 '등산스틱'을 일컫는게 아니므로 the 보다는 a나 복수형이 더 자연스럽습니다.

5. ~ 하면서 (뒤에 절에서 결과적으로 ~게 되다)라는 의미는 When 보다 As절로 이끄는 것이 더욱 원 뜻에 가깝습니다.

6. Had P.P는 앞선 절 (위에서는 as절)에서의 정보보다 지금 쓸 절의 동사가 시제적으로 더욱 앞서있을 때 씁니다. 등산스틱이 깨진것은 오히려 여러 산을 오른 후 이므로 사용 안하셔야 합니다. 일반 과거를 쓰면 적절합니다. 반대로 As 절에 'As I had climbed up~'이라면 틀리진 않습니다만, 저자의 의도를 볼 때 그 마저 일반 과거가 나을 듯 합니다.

7. Mont-Bell 이라는 회사를 which 절로 꾸미고 싶습니다. Mont-bell 입장에서는 능동적으로 등산 장비에 스스로 특성화 하는 것이므로 '특성화하다'인 자동사를 써 주는것이 더욱 적합합니다.

8. Be repaired = 수리되다, fix는 뭔가 기계적이거나 전기가 통하는 물건 고치는 느낌입니다.

9. 공짜로 = for free, without cost, without paying

10. ~인지 아닌지: whether ~ 이나 If ~ 로 절을 이끕니다. If의 경우에는 목적어 절로 올때 쓰입니다.

      I'm not sure if I can believe in you or not'


우리 아버지 신발도 몽벨꺼 하나있는데, 실망이네요! 높은 산을 오르시나봐요 좋은 장비 장만하셨길 바랍니다.

즐거운 하루 보내세요.

1

Please correct my sentence I wrote.

I bought the sticks for mountain climbing a few years ago. But I didn't use it frequently. When I climbed some mountain last month, it had completely broken out. At that time, I swear that I'll never buy some gear in mont-bell which is specialized in mountain gear in Japan.

Although I bought a new one, I went to mont-bell because I was curious that it can be repair or not. I though that if the repairing cost is reasonable, I'll pay it. One week later, I received the answer from the shop. They said it can be fixed with free of charge if I want. I was so glad to hear that. But, I can't still believe completely that the equipment is safe enough when I climb some steep mountains.


my suggestion correction:

Few years ago, I bought sticks for mountain climbing equipment, but I did not use it frequently. Last month, the sticks broken when I went to climbed some mountain . At that time, I swore that I will never purchase some gear in mont-bell (A store that specialized in mountain gear in japan) ever again.

Although I bought a new one, I went to the mont-bell because I was curious that it can be possibly repaired or not. I thought that as long as the repair cost is reasonable, then I will pay for it. One week later, I received an answer from the store. They said that it can be fixed by free charge if I want it. I was so glad when I heard that. But, I still can't believe it completely that the equipment will be safe enough when I use it to climb some steep mountains.



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