Well, I basically rephased and polished your article. I assume it is an study proposal but not a report after your study in China. To write similar articles, do please focus on logic and write in a professional manor.
Welcome to China~~I strongly agree with you that the cooperation between Japan and China is crucial.

Please revise my report for syudting abroad Jan 23, 2011

Trough this studying abroad,  My aim is to acquire important skills to be a global manager.

First, I would very much like to master English and Chinese for practical use based on the importance of linguistic skill in the global society. At the same time,  I will try to train my communication, listening, and negotiation skills during my stay in China.

Secondly, I want to study the Chinese Economy and investigate Chinese marketing to consider the potential business cooperation between China and Japan, specifically the business environment of Shanghai and Hongkong, since China is generally becoming the most important market in the world now. 

For Shanghai, To be concrete(please rephase this, it hardly makes sense), I am very willing to study at Fudan university to focus my investigation on Pudong industrial area in order to understand why It plays such an important role of the growth of Chinese economy. In addition, I will study the global influence brought by the 2009 International Exposition in Shanghai . I intend to discover the reason behind Shanghai's prosperity in sightseeing business in a management perspective. Furthermore, I will try to analyze the effect of transit trade in Shanghai.

At Hongkong, I am planning to join the Chinese University of Hongkong to study the trend of developing Japanese corporation in china, for example uniqlo. Based on the fact that Hongkong is the city which is one of the centers of trade and finance in the world, it would be very meaningful for I to study multilateral trade and global management there.

Finally, I will also try to study Chinese culture. It is a endeavor for me to live in a fresh environment with people owning different cultural background. I believe the exploration will allow me to acquire many abilities and experiences. 

To sum up, the target of my study in China is to nourish myself by working hard with Comrades ( wow,  it is a dangerous word. I suggest "potential partners") who will be a business leaders in the world.  Through this study, I will try to initiate a business and make inroads into Chinese markets. I believe I will finally become one of successful business women who lead the world economy.

 

Please revise my report for syudting abroad Jan 23, 2011

Trough studying abroad I want to acquire many skills to become a global manager.
First, I want to master English and Chinese to use in practice because linguistics is an important skill in the global society.
Second,I want to study the Chinese Economy.China is the most important country in the world now, so I study Chinese Marketing and Asian Business.
To be more specific, I want to study at Fudan University in the Puton industry area. It leads Chinese growth,so I will go there and research the reason that. わかりません。。。？
I also want to study the influence that the international exposition in shang hai has around the world. Shang Hai is the city which is prospering in the sightseeing business, so I want to study it from the management perspective. Furthermore, I will analyze the effect of transit trade in shang hai.
In the Chinese University of hong kong , I want to study the trend of Japanese corporation in china, for example uniqlo .
I also study business cooperative relation between japan and china. Hong kong is world's center of trade and finance, so I want to study multilateral trade and global management.
In china , I  plan on studying the Chinese culture at the same time.
I want to gain many skills and experiences by exploring this land, with it's interesting culture, history and people.
I also want to acquire communication, listening, and negotiation skills. My goal is to cultivate my mind by working hard with Comrades who will become business leaders in the world. I will acquire Chinese business communication skills, allowing me to create business and make inroads into Chinese markets. In conclusion, I’m going to be an excellent business man who can set up business and lead the world economy when this program finishes.

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それはすばらし！ 

Be careful when using names of places. They must all start with capitals. 

"I want to cultivate my mind by working hard with Comrades who will be a business leader in the world." --> Do you want to say that the people you work with will help you become a business leader in the world? OR are you trying to say that you want to work with people who are going to become business leaders in the world? OR that you want to work with people who are business leaders in the world? 

幸運, がんばってくださいひろきくん！：）