Sentence for an application
Is this proper English?:
Being part of a small team I was also involved in the improvement of the administrative structures as well as in the further development of the service package the academy offers to the participants (including catering, accommodation, room booking etc.).
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(German Version: Als Teil eines kleinen Teams war ich zudem an der Verbesserung der administrativen Strukturen wie auch an der Weiterentwicklung des Service-Pakets, welches den Teilnehmern angeboten wird (inklusive Verpflegung, Unterkunft, Raumbuchungen), beteiligt)
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Corrections · 6
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Sentence for an application
Is this proper English?:
Being part of a small team I was also involved in the improvement of the administrative structures as well as in the further development of the service package the academy offers to the participants (including catering, accommodation, room booking etc.).
The sentence is correct but it is a bit unclear. I might restructure the sentence as follows:
As a member of a small team, I was involved in improving how the academy's services package (catering, accommodation, room booking, etc.) are administered, as well as further developing the service packages offered to participants.
I hope this helps. Brad
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(German Version: Als Teil eines kleinen Teams war ich zudem an der Verbesserung der administrativen Strukturen wie auch an der Weiterentwicklung des Service-Pakets, welches den Teilnehmern angeboten wird (inklusive Verpflegung, Unterkunft, Raumbuchungen), beteiligt)
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Mhm, I hope so ;) - maybe I have to specify it better! Thanks for your comment!
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Grammatically, I would say this is entirely correct, but I am not sure that I understand the terminology in full. However, I would expect the recipient to know the subject matter.
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If you can understand it without reading German even better ;)! Thanks!
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IT sounds fine but I don't read German ;-)
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