Do You Edit Your Memory?

Sorry I don't speak Korean, but I'll try my best to explain some changes:
1. The construct in English is usually - "It was when I ... that". For instance, "it was when I left the house that I realised I forgot my keys."
2. What do you mean by "fresh"?
3. I changed it to simple past tense because it sounds more natural in English.
4. "grief" usually refers to something very serious. For example, "I could see she was in grief from her mother's passing away."
5. The phrasing here is a bit awkward.
6. "edit" cannot be used with memory.
7. "stuffed feeling" - I'm not sure as to the exact term you're looking for, but I'd say "fear and trepidation"

This was an excellent piece, well done, Min!

I'm really sorry about your friend, I hope she gets better soon - I think that it's important to face these issues soon too, so you can bring closure to it and not continue to be haunted by bygone traumas.

Do You Edit Your Memory?

It was when I took a walk along a crowded street in Seoul with a friend of mine. People kept walking and passing by us like when I look at the trees moving out of the window while I am in a car. We felt fresh, thinking nobody would overlook and overhear us. She once had told me that she had spent hard time last semester, but she had never talked about it in specific. I didn't want to ask about it either because she hadn't seemed to be ready to reveal her private story. I had just guessed that she might have faced some serious conflicts with people in her club. However, her story was totally different one from what I expected. As the sky grew darker, we decided to sit in a small bench on the street to get some rest. She stopped talking and asked me to pause our conversation for a while. I could see she was in a grief and she was trying to clear her mind up to say something to me. I waited and she just watched people walking by us. Most of them were smiling with their friends or someone.
She started talking about why she was completely depressed last semester, which lasted during the whole semester, so it was very hard for her to do her own things everyday. She was praying in the church with people from her christian club. She suddenly remembered of a priest saying, 'Some people must give their love to someone without conditions like parents to their children and teachers to their students. However, at the same time, she came to meet one of frightening memories which had been concealed under her subconsciousness; at the moment, she saw her mother running to her, holding a bat with her merciless face. She had to stop praying and go outside crying. People followed her and asked what the problem was, but she couldn't say anything. She said, "Only then, I realized that I have edited my memory to ease myself from the inconvenient truths. I had lived as though I had never had such kinds of things." She thought everything would be okay if she forgot all of bad memories, and she was likely to forget bad memories easily. However, she realized that the problems had not actually solved. She must face them and deal with them by any means so that she can be absolutley free from a sense of stuffed feeling when she meets people-in this case, her mother. While I listened to her, I thought all of us might have the same problems as hers. We often misunderstand that everything is okay, in fact we just do nothing but forget the truths.

Do You Edit Rewire Your Memory?

It was when I took a walk along a crowded street in Seoul with a friend of mine. (1) People kept walking and passing by us like when I look at the trees moving out of the window while I am in a car. We felt fresh (2), thinking nobody would overlook and overhear us. She once had told me that she had spent hard time last semester She once told me that she had a tough time last semester, but she had never talked about it in specific detail. I hadn't didn't want to ask about it either because she hadn't didn't seemed (3) to be ready to reveal her private story. I had just guessed that she might have faced some serious conflicts with people in her club. However, her story was totally different one from what I expected. As the sky grew darker / sky dimmed / day grew old, we decided to sit in a small bench on the street to get some rest. She stopped talking and asked me to pause our conversation for a while. I could see she was in a grief upset (4) and she was trying to clear her mind up to say something to me. I waited and while she just watched people walking by us. Most of them were smiling with their friends or someone.
She started talking about why she was completely depressed last semester, which lasted during throughout the whole semester, so making it was very hard for her to do her own things everyday carry out normal, routine tasks everyday. She was praying in the church with people from her christian club. She was suddenly reminded of a priest saying, 'Some people must give their love to someone without conditions (5) We must love others conditionally like parents do to their children and teachers to their students.' However, at the same time, she came to meet one was suddenly reminded of some frightening memories which had been concealed under in her subconsciousness up till that point; at the moment, she saw her mother running to her, holding a bat with her merciless face. She had to stop praying and go outside crying to go outside and unleash the tears she held back. People followed her and asked her what the problem was, but she couldn't say anything. She said, "Only then, I realized that I have edited rewired (6) my memory to ease myself from the inconvenient truths things I wanted to shut away. ,and I had lived as though I had never had gone through such kinds of things experiences." She thought everything would be okay if she forgot all of her bad memories, and she was likely to could forget bad memories easily. However, she realized that the problems had not actually solved remain. She must face them and deal with them by any means so that she can in order to be absolutley completely freed from a sense of stuffed feeling (7) when she meets people-in this case, her mother. While I listened to her, I thought all of us might have the same problems as hers. We often misunderstand that everything is okay, when in fact we just nothing but "conveniently" forget the truths.