A FORMAL LETTER NEDD TO BE CORRECT

Hi there,
I want to ask natives to correct this notebook
Thanks
.......................
Dear Sir or Madam,

With this letter, [This makes you sound high and mighty!] I would like to express my interest in studying at the language center of the College of Liberal Arts  CLA Institute of language.

As mentioned in my CV, I majored My major was in Computer Science and I have been working as a website and database designer for 3 the last three years.   At the same time, I have Form the last 4 years I have also been studying English as a second and international language for communication and business for four years. I got a job in one of the leading international inspection companies had been working for (xxxx) in xxxx in since 2011 since now. Due to make more progress in my career, I have started to learn international trade and business correspondence. I needed to improve my command of English as my position demands that I need to be able to write well for international correspondence.  The position in BIS got me the chance to communicate with foreign trade companies in Iran and all over the world and help me to improve my negotiation skills and raise my self- confidence to take risks and ability to work independently and a team member as well. All these are irrelevant details about going to college. Regarding to gain experiences though these years of working, I wish to carry on my own business and establish an institute of language in Iran.
Therefore I have decided to apply for this course due to achieved below advantage: As such, I have decided that your College best fit my needs.

First, I consider the program as a great opportunity to learn more French in less time. I think nothing is better than to learn language with the native speakers. Because we can practice with the local people what we study at school, so it is very useful to improve our listening and speaking skills.
Secondly, It is also very important for me to get in touch with the French culture, way of thinking, history, customs and lifestyles.
Last but not the least, adapting to a new environment is a real challenge for every foreign student. I am sure it would greatly enrich my communicative knowledge and my confidence in running my own business after I return.
I have chosen to apply to CLA institute. Looking at their program assures me of the quality of their educational systems. In addition, my sister’s family resides in this city, and I will have the benefit of taking help in any emergency case. All these have nothing to do with your application for the English program.  It's abrupt appeareance will puzzle the reader.  If you are trying to answer the question on what you can contribute to the quality of campus life, then you should write something like this.

As for my contribution to campus life, I had been in France learning French and has a deep understanding of the French culture.  I hope that some of my experience may help to enliven the college atmosphere of your school.

Furthermore, Don't use these sort of terms here.  It gives the impression that you are a superior directing a subordinate.  I am confident that my experience in France would be extremely exciting, fun, and valuable for both my studies and overall general development.
Thank you for considering my request. I thank you for your time in considering my application.

Yours sincerely, faithfully, [Don't use faithfully, you are not providing a service to a school.  This is rather an archaic term used by lawyers writing to their clients]