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湖边的家 我五岁的时候我们搬了家到一个新的家,让我爸爸会离他的工作更进。我们的新房子位于一个小湖的旁边。当时,我对我们的家没想到很多,但我逐渐长大,我学会欣赏它。小湖不太大,但早上湖的表面和玻璃一样光滑,你可以看到落基山脉反映在水中。在冬天的时候湖面会结冰。每次下雪,我们把雪铲干净,以便我们能整冬天滑冰。冬天很有趣,但最好的时间是在夏天。我是小男孩的时候,我会花很多时间钓鱼,捉青蛙和小龙虾。我的父母拥有一艘小艇,他们把小艇停在房子后面,每当我们想要我们可以随便滑水。有时候,我的父亲会生了气,因为我跟我的朋友一起滑雪这么多,从来就没有剩任何汽油。虽然我现在离我父母住的比较远,他们仍然住在同一所房子。我怀念那个我小的时候的房子,但我很期待每年几次跟我自己的家人来探望他们,再欣赏他们和他们在湖边的房子。

Corrections · 18

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湖边的家

我五岁的时候我们搬了家到一个新处的家,是為靠近爸爸[父親 would be a better term to use if you not referring to him as of now but in the past]公作地方 让我爸爸会离他的工作更进。我们的新房子位于一个小湖的旁边。当时,我对我们的新家环境没想得太到很多,但当我逐渐长大,慢慢开始我学会欣赏此地它。小小的湖面在不太大,但早上湖的表面和玻璃一样光滑,你可見以看到落基山脉反映浮於面上在水中。在冬天的时候湖面成会结冰。每次下雪时,我们要把雪铲弄清湖面雪才干净,以便我们能整冬天滑冰。虽冬天很有趣,但最好的时间总是在夏天。我是小男孩的时候,童年时我会花很多时间去钓鱼,捉青蛙和小龙虾。我的父母拥家中有一艘小艇,他们把小艇停在屋房[If indeed a room, whose room? Back of the house is better]子的后面停留着. 这样很方便因為每当我们想要我们可以随便滑水, 不費工夫就可以用了。有时候,我的[You don't use first personal pronouns because all familial terms are precisely defined in terms of you, unlike in English]父亲会生了气,是因为我跟我的朋友一起滑雪这么滑得太多,把从来就没有剩任何汽油全都用完。虽然我住居现在比离我父母住得的比较远,他们住家仍然無異住在同一所房子。我怀念那个我童时小的时候的房子,幸好但我很期待每年几次能與跟我自己的家人来探望他们,同聚再欣赏他们和他们在湖边的房子。


Your Chinese is not bad at all.  Not all the corrections are due to mistakes but not expressed naturally.  It is best if you can provide an English version because your thoughts are quite profound and most of the corrections are guessing through common experience. Having an English version, I can precisely help you convey your thoughts.

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When I was five years old my parents moved to a new home so that my Dad would be closer to where he worked. 当我五岁時, 父母搬家到新处/居, 是因父親可以靠近工作.

The house was right next to a small lake. /屋子/新居/是在湖辺.

I think at the time I moved I didn't really think much about it, 当迁居时, 不太在乎,

but as I grew older I really learned to appreciate it. 但我一路增長一路更 /鉴/欣/  赏此湖.

The lake wasn't very large, 这湖并不大,

but in the mornings I remember it would be as smooth as glass, 但記得早上, 湖面滑如玻璃,

and you could see the Rocky Mountains behind it reflected in the water. 水中可見到屋后的落基山脉的倒映.

In the winter time the lake would freeze over.冬季湖面凝結為冰.

Each time it snowed we would shovel an area clear so that we could ice skate all winter long.每次一下雪, 我们要把湖面的雪弄清才可以滑冰. [It's understood all winter long and so no need to translate.  After all your sentence began with "each time it snowed", grammartically correct but logic a bit off]

Winter was fun, 冬天非常好玩

but the best time was the summer. 不过最好佳期是夏天.

As a young boy I would spend many summer days fishing, 作為个小孩, 在很多夏季的日子裡去釣魚,

and catching frogs and crawdads. 捕/捉/ 青蛙和蝲蛄.

My parents owned a boat 我们有一艘艇, To translate literally as 父母拥有 sounds very cold in Chinese and wonder what kind of "loving" family you have. Cultural differences.  Sometimes a direct translation without regard to cultural biases or preferences would cause to the intended audience subtle scratchings on their heads.  The West places importance on the individual while Far Eastern is that society/family comes first.

that they would park behind the house so that we could water ski whenever we wanted. 是放在屋子的后面, 这样可以隨时滑水.

Sometimes my Dad would get mad because my friends and I would ski so much that there was never any gas left in the boat. 有时候父親生气, 因為我和朋友滑得太多次, 把气油弄/得一干二淨/光了/

Although I don't live very close to my parents anymore, 虽然現已经和父母住得不近

they still live in the same house. 不过他们仍然住在旧屋.

I miss that house of my childhood, 太想念我童时的住居,

but I still look forward to visiting my parents with my own family several times a year, 不过每年几次我很期待能和我現在的家庭去探訪他们,

and enjoying not only their company, 不但一家团聚 direct translation 分享他们的陪伴 is not expressed in Chinese.  团聚 = reunion.  This evokes all the pleasures of being together and enjoying eaching other's company.  It's like mentioning, Romeo and Juliet.  We don't have to go into all the nitty gritty details and everyone knows what you mean.

but also that house on the lake. 而与湖辺的屋子如此. In your Chinese, I thought it was your room!


As you can see, there are subtle differences in your English and Chinese.  However, on the whole, you did a great job.  Hats off to you.  As in English, use of idoms will greatly enhance your writing. Spend a bit more time on them and cultural aspects than on vocabulary.

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湖边的家

我五岁的时候,我们搬了家到一个了新的家,这会让我爸爸会离他的工作的地方更进近。我们的新房子位于在(or坐落在)一个小湖的旁边。当时,我对我们的家没想到很多有没有太多想法,但随着(Join this word will be better)我逐渐长大,我学会欣赏它。小湖不太大,但早上湖的表面和像玻璃一样光滑,你可以看到落基山脉反映倒映在水中。在冬天的时候湖面会结冰。每次下雪,我们都会把雪铲干净,以便我们整个冬天都能能整冬天滑冰。冬天很有趣,但最好的时间季节是在夏天。在(or 当)我还是个小男孩的时候,我会花很多时间钓鱼,、捉青蛙和小龙虾。我的父母拥有一艘小艇,他们把小艇停在房子后面,每当我们想要我们可以随便用来滑水。有时候,我的父亲会生了气,因为我跟我的朋友长时间一起滑雪这么多,从来就没有剩任何汽油。虽然我现在住得离我父母住的比较远,他们仍然住在同一那所房子。我怀念那个我小的时候的那所房子,但我所以我很期待期望每年几次跟我自己的家人来探望他们几次,再欣赏看看(Because people and House appear together ,so 看看 use be better)他们和他们在湖边的房子。

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                                                        湖边的家
  我五岁的时候,我们搬到了一个新的家,这样爸爸便离他的工作单位更近了。我们的新房子位于一个小湖的旁边。当时,我对我们的家没想太多,但我逐渐长大,我也学会欣赏它了。小湖不太大,但早上湖面和玻璃一样光滑,你可以看到落基山脉倒映在水中。在冬天,湖面会结冰。每次下雪,我们都会把雪铲干净,以便我们能在整个冬季滑冰。冬天很有趣,但最好的时间还是在夏天。当我还是个小男孩的时候,我会花很多时间去钓鱼,捉青蛙和小龙虾。我的父母拥有一艘小艇,他们把小艇停泊在房子后面,每当我们想用来划水的时候便会更加容易。虽然方便了,但是,有时候,我的父亲会生气,因为我总是跟我的朋友们一起用小艇去滑水,然而,小艇从来就没有被剩下过任何汽油。现在我家离我父母住的比较远,他们仍然住在那所湖边的房子里。我怀念那个我小的时候的房子,所以我很期待每年都有几次能够带着我的家人去探望我的父母和欣赏他们那座在湖边的房子。

 

哈哈,改作文也比较难,(我只知道用英语写作文难),这篇作文我改了三次,希望你喜欢。再见

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这篇作文真不错,之所以夸赞它,不在于Kelly用了多么正确的中文,而在于他在我们眼前勾勒了一个真正美丽的湖面景色。作为一个中文的使用者,我尽力让这篇文章更符合中文的表达习惯,使它更自然流畅。

 

湖边的家

我五岁的时候,我们搬了家到了一个新的家,让我这样爸爸会便离他的工作单位更进了。我们的新房子位于一个小湖的旁边。当时,我对我们的家没想到很多,但我逐渐长大,我也学会欣赏它了。小湖不太大,但早上湖的表面和玻璃一样光滑,你可以看到落基山脉反倒映在水中。在冬天,的时候湖面会结冰。每次下雪,我们都会把雪铲干净,以便我们能在整个冬天季滑冰。冬天很有趣,但最好的时间还是在夏天。当我是个小男孩的时候,我会花很多时间钓鱼,捉青蛙和小龙虾。我的父母拥有一艘小艇,他们把小艇停泊在房子后面,每当我们想要我们可以随便滑水。(什么意思?是想说,“这样,每当我们想用来划水的时候便会更加容易。”是吗?)虽然方便了,但是有时候,我的父亲会生了气,因为我总是跟我的朋友们一起滑雪这么多,然而从来就没有剩下过任何汽油。虽然我现在我家离我父母住的比较远,他们仍然住在同一那所湖边的房子。我怀念那个我小的时候的房子,但所以我很期待每年都有几次能够带着跟我自己的家人来去探望他们,再去欣赏看望他们和欣赏他们在湖边的房子。

这其中有一些连词应该引起你的注意,还有就是习惯表达了。

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