Festival
It was my first Mid-Autumn Festival spent with my parents when I was 12. In the early morning, my parents and I went to the zoo at our car. There were a lot of visitors stood in the front of the box-coffice window. We waited a long time and buy three tickets. In the Tiger Mountain of the park, I was too eager to see the fiercely frightened animals that I quickened my steps through the crowd. Unfortunately, I got separated from my parents. I had hard time looking for him, but I had no luck. Wandering in the park, I felt alone without any compaions. Worse ill, I had no money, so I had to walk home, covered as much as 5 kilometers.
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Festival
I was 12 when I went to it was my first Mid-Autumn Festival spent with my parents. In the early morning, my parents and I went to the zoo in at our car. There were a lot of visitors stood in the front of the box-office window. We waited a long time and to buy three tickets. In the Tiger Mountain section of the park, I was too so eager to see the fiercely frightened frightening animals that I quickened my steps walked quickly through the crowd. Unfortunately, I got separated from my parents. I had a hard time looking for him them, but I had no luck. Wandering in the park, I felt alone. without any compaions. Even worse ill, I had no money so I had to walk home, covered covering as much as 5 kilometers.
This is a good story. It is well written but there are some issues with the tense. Maybe it might help to try to think (did this action happen before, after or is it happening right now) because you are likely to need slightly different words.
Apart from this, you have done very well!
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