an Essay Written by Someone Else

This composition was marked band 8 in an IELTS test. What do you think of it? Do you detect any mistakes? Is it very natural? Thanks for your time.



I do agree to with the statement that children brought up in poor families are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents.

Children of poor parents are prematurely exposed to the problems of adult life eg   e.g.  learning how to survive on a low family income and sacrificing luxuries for essential items. These children begin to see the ‘realities’ of life in their home or and social environment. Their parents parents' own struggles serve as an example to them.

These children are taught necessary skills for survival as an adult from a very early age. Many children eg work in the weekends or holidays either to either collect some pocket money or even to contribute to their families’ income. A good example is the many children who accompany their parents to sell produce at the market. They are making a direct contribution to their families in terms of labor or and income.

Children of poor families also are highly motivated. They tend to set high goals to improve their economic and social situation. A relevant example would be Mr. Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft Corporation. He had an impoverished background but he used his talent and motivation to set up the worlds largest computer organization. (note: This statement is factually incorrect.)

However, there are some problems that children from poor backgrounds do encounter. Many of these children who are ‘robbed’ of their childhood eg while working, may feel cheated. They often sometimes turn to crime. This, however, is a small group. (note: Since it is a small group, the incidence would not be often.)

In summing up summary, children with impoverished backgrounds are better able to deal with problems of adult life because of early exposure, family role models and shear sheer motivation