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United States flagDanny
大家好!!!! 我叫丹呢!我学中文在学校。我三个月学!我想教法文和中文在美国。我可以你们帮与法文! 我二十二岁和我住在爱荷华州。我喜欢足球和我喜欢踢足球。我喜欢看电影和看电视。我最好的电影是哈利●波特! 告诉我你!

Corrections · 6

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大家好!!!!

 

我叫丹呢丹尼!我学中文在学校学中文。我已经学了三个月了学!我想在美国教法文和中文在美国。我可以帮你们帮与学习法文! 


我今年二十二岁和我,住在爱荷华州。我喜欢看足球比赛和我喜欢踢足球。我也喜欢看电影和看电视。我最好喜欢的电影是哈利●波特! 


告诉我你! 你呢?


Some notes:


- 丹呢 isn't a good transliteration of "Danny", since 呢 is usually pronounced as "ne" when used as a particle in questions (see the last line). 丹尼 is the usual transliteration for "Danny".


- Specifying location using 在: Unlike English, if a location has nothing to do directly with the main verb (contrast with 我住在爱荷华州), you specify the place first before the main verb.

 

- 我三个月学: Similarly, if a time clause has something to do with the main verb, put it after the main verb, not before. In this sentence, you're also expressing the fact that you've already learned it for three months, i.e. a completed (perfective) action, so the verb becomes "已经学了". The "了" at the end of that corrected sentence is for emphasis and makes it more idiomatic.

 

- 帮 ... 学习: The structure is "help [someone] [do something]", as in English.


- 我二十二岁和我住在爱荷华州: As bunse pointed out in another correction, 和 is not normally used to connect two sentences. In this case, the structure I've used is this: since "我" is the subject for both clauses, just use a comma between the two clauses. 我二十二岁 isn't idiomatic, by the way.

 

- 我喜欢足球和我喜欢踢足球: This sounds like you're repeating your love for football. If you're saying you love watching and playing football, I've provided another way of expressing that.

 

- "Tell me about yourself": In this context, since you've already told us about yourself, the natural question to ask is "What about you?", i.e. "你呢?"

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大家好!!!!

我叫丹呢!我正在学校里学中文在学校。我已经学了三个月学!我想在美国教法文和中文在美国。我可以帮助你们你们帮与学习法文!

我今年二十二岁,和我住在爱荷华州(we chinese donnot use "and" to connect two sentences)。我喜欢足球和我喜欢踢足球。我喜欢看电影和看电视。我最喜欢的好的电影是哈利●波特!

告诉我你!  你呢?

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大家好!!!!

我叫丹呢尼!我在学校学中文在学校。我已经学三个月了学!我想在美国教法文和中文在美国。我可以帮助你们学帮与法文!

我二十二岁,和我住在爱荷华州。我喜欢足球和我喜欢踢足球、。我喜欢看电影和看电视。我最喜欢好的电影是哈利●波特!

和我谈谈你告诉我你!

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大家好!!!!

我叫丹尼呢!我学中文在学校学中文。我已经学习三个月了学!我想在美国教法文和中文在美国。我可以帮你们帮与学习法文!

我二十二岁,和我住在爱荷华州。我喜欢足球,和我也喜欢踢足球。我喜欢看电影和看电视。我最喜欢好的电影是“哈利●波特”!

告诉我你!  和我谈谈你好吗?

0

大家好!!!!

我叫丹呢尼!我在学中文在学校学中文。我三个月(已经)学了三个月了!我想在美国教法文和中文在美国。我可以帮助你们学习英语和法语!你们帮与法文!

我二十二岁,和我住在爱荷华州。我喜欢看足球比赛和我也喜欢踢足球。我(还)喜欢看电影和看电视。我最好喜欢的电影是《哈利●波特》!
告诉我你!

tell me somthing about you...(和我说说你好吗?)

 

这篇小作文给我的感觉,美国人学中文跟中国人学英语一样,用母语的语法习惯来说话,写出来的文章会有很多可爱的小错误。不过我们能理解你的中文,很棒,加油!

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