Corrections · 4
잘 썼어요? 제 실수를 교정해주세요
우리 나의(=내, 저희, 제) 아버지의 도움으로 저는 우리 도시의 많은 거리들을 방문했습니다.*1 The word "우리" is plural. So, it seems like a sentence like this: due to the help of my father"s"~.. Therefore, u'd better change it to singular word "나의" Or, u can also change it to more formal one "저희". In this situation, "저희" is more natural because u already used honorifics in other parts.
제 목적은 당신이 우리 국민들과 우리 문화에 대해 조금 더 알 수 있는 (상태가 되는) 것입니다.
*2 목적은 "A"이다. // There is no subject in the A. So, you have to put into "당신이" or "네가". Furthermore, actually it's not incorrect grammatically, but it's a little bit awkward since it's not written well whether your purpose is to make somebody familiar to your city by your own will or just to hope the situation. So, you'd better write this sentence more detailed to make it perfect.
Anyway, this sentence would be quite good if only added the subject in apposition clause.
저는 네가 우리 도시에 대한 즐거운 기억으로과 함께 머물 수 있기를 바랍니다.
*Actually, it's not recommended sentence in Korea, because it's considered as too much translated sentence. But hence u r not native Korean LUL, it's okay!
My English version...
With the help of my dad, I went to visit the different streets of my city.
My purpose is that you can know a little about our people and about our culture.
I hope you can stay with a pleasant memory of my city.
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