My Dream

When I was a child I was obsessed with football(I mean British, not American Football). From then on I played it everyday and decided to be a football player. But my parents were against me  becoming a football player because of my poor health. I had to give up my dream when I was 14 years old. Although I gave up my dream of becoming a football player, I didn't give up  playing it. I spent most of spare time  playing football. Football not only  brings me happiness, but also can help me become strong. I love football and if there is an afterlife I want to be a football player there!

Very good!

My Dream < 훌륭한 제목이에요.

              When I was a child I was obsessed with soccer.  Ever since then on I've play it everyday and I decided to become a professional soccer player. However my parents discouraged me from becoming a professional soccer player because of my poor health condition(s). Because of this, I had to give up my dream when I was  only 14 years old.

                 Although I gave up my dream of becoming a professional soccer player, I didn't stop (quit) playing (it) - or / soccer. In fact, I spent most of my spare time to playing soccer. Soccer not only made me happy, but it helped me become strong. I love to play (playing) soccer and if there's an afterlife, maybe there I can play soccer.

그건대문자로써야합니다.    단어의순서, 단어의선택이나철자를고쳤습니다.   이건더자연스럽거나더일반적인방법의표현입니다.   

열쇠색을낸시4366으로만들었습니다. 도움이됐으면좋겠습니다.